Posts Tagged ‘women’s rights’
This is for all the Protective Mothers with empty arms and hurting hearts who are missing their children every second of every day, but who are deeply hurting this weekend- Mother’s Day weekend. Know that no matter what, you ARE your children’s mother. No one -and certainly no court- can take away this God-given role in your children’s lives. Please know this in your heart. PMA INTL. celebrates you, Protective Mom, and deeply understands the unconditional love and heroic sacrifices you have made to protect your children from abuse and harm. You are modern day heroes, and PMA INTL strongly believes that you will go down in history as such. PMA INTL loves and supports you and your precious children now and forever. You are always in are hearts. Happy Mother’s Day!
Husband Says He Can’t Afford His Wife As A Stay-At-Home Mom And His Reasoning Add s Up. Big Time. / IJReview
This article was originally posted on IJReview ( link below)
Since Mother’s Day is just around the corner, we have decided to post this hopeful, uplifting and positive article about a husband and father who truly understands what all moms do ( did) for their families,
How nice when a man appreciates, understands and acknowledges all that his wife and- mother of his child- does for her family!
Happy Mothers’ Day- PMA International loves and supports you for the Hero you are.
When Steven and Glory got married, Glory worked while Steven finished up school. Once their son was born, it didn’t seem financially possible for Glory to go back to work. Nelms explains to IJReview:
“With childcare costs it would’ve been a wash with her income at best. So we decided that she would stay home as long as it made sense.”
According to Nelms, before having Ezra, Glory had been employed since the age of 14.
“It has always been part of her, especially since she began contributing to the financial needs of her family by 17 years old,” he says. “So getting a paycheck was a significant part of feeling valued and appreciated for all the hard work she did to provide for herself and help her family.”
In an attempt to appreciate all of the work Glory does for the family — and put a numerical value on it — Nelms wrote a profound essay that he posted to We Are Glory.
“I’ve had this thought in my head for a while now. I’ve been thinking that I can’t afford for my wife to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. Now, I don’t at all mean to offend anyone with this post. I just have to say that for me personally, I can’t afford it… I mean that I quite literally cannot afford my wife to be staying at home. Here’s why…
My wife stays home and takes care of our son every single day. She changes his diapers, feeds him, plays with him, puts him down for his nap, and comforts him when he’s upset. And that’s just the bare minimum. A child can typically get that attention at a day-care. But on top of that, he is her only focus… Obviously, this is part of being a parent. You take care of your child and you raise your child. But let’s face it. In our day and age… there is a company ready and willing to do just about anything. So while, yes, my wife is my son’s mother and it is a natural result of being a parent to love and care for your own child, there is also a very quantifiable dollar amount that can be attributed to the services rendered. I am in no way trying to simplify, objectify, or devalue the priceless love of a mother for her child. But let’s be real. Pay day feels good for a reason. Because you’re seeing your hard work appreciated in a tangible way that lets you “treat yo self”. And this is exactly why I can’t afford my wife being a Stay-At-Home Mom. The national average weekly salary for a full-time nanny is $705. That’s $36,660 a year.
We make ends meet comfortably and are by no means scraping the bottom of the barrel… [but] the services rendered of caring for our child every single day of the year would absorb the majority of our income. Flat out, no question, game over, I cannot afford my wife to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. And that’s just the beginning of it.
Nelms further elaborates on the cost of all his wife does based on his personal research:
Cleaning Service: $50-100 per visit once a week = $5,200 a year.
Personal Shopper (running the errands like buying groceries and “a new pack of white undershirts”): $65 per hour at 4 hours a week = $13,5250 a year.
Chef (lunch and dinner): $240 a week = $12,480 a year.
“So far we’re looking at a grand total of $67,860! Remember, we’re working with extremely conservative averages here.”
He takes it a step further.
Financial Assistant (paying the bills, finances, budgeting): $15 an hour — add $75 an hour if your wife plays a part in “professional interactions” like business dinners as, according to Nelms, the average for a PR assistant is $75 per hour.
Laundry: $25 a week, minimum.
“Let’s average 5 hours a week on financial services, 4 hours per business dinner (about 3 a year), and a weekly laundry service. Add that onto our very conservative estimates for childcare, house cleaning, and shopping, and that’s an annual salary of $73,960. Looking objectively at an almost insultingly conservative average of the services rendered, I cannot afford my wife.”
“My wife sometimes feels patronized when I ask her permission to buy something for myself. She feels like it’s my money and my name on the paycheck so I shouldn’t have to ask permission to get myself something every once in a while. The truth is, I’m ashamed of any time I’ve ever made her feel guilty or humored when she’s purchased something for herself. I’m ashamed that she has ever felt like she doesn’t have just as much right to our income as I do. The fact of the matter is that our income doesn’t even come close to covering what she does for our family. I would have to make over 100K to even begin to be able to cover my living expenses as well as employ my wife as a Stay-At-Home Mom!
In short, I can’t afford for my wife to stay at home. And I’ve tragically failed to show my wife the appreciation that she deserves. She loves me, loves our son, and loves our family, so obviously she isn’t doing any of those things for a paycheck or even for recognition. But it certainly doesn’t hurt to know that as a Stay-At-Home Mom her appraised salary is nearly double my actual income. So in a very weird way, this is my way of saying how much I value my wife as the mother of my child and the one who always has my back no matter what. You are more precious than rubies. And I can’t afford you.“
As Nelms had hoped, the blog post resonated with Glory and it reaffirmed the importance of all she does as a mother and a wife.
Nelms recognizes that different families have different circumstances.
“In whichever way your particular family is able to provide for one another, it should be encouraging. Comparing one family dynamic to another shouldn’t serve to discourage anyone in what is necessary for their circumstances.”
PMA International Healing and Prayer Network’s Worldwide PRAYER/FAST/LIGHT A CANDLE EVENT; Public Event ·
Tuesday, August 26 at 7:00pm – 11:00pm in the privacy of your home- world-wide Please join PMA International’s Healing and Prayer Network in this world wide prayer , fasting and candle lighting event. We value your participation.
Topic; The healing and restoration of the mother and child bond. All beliefs are welcome. This is an all inclusive event for all protective mothers and their supporters. Simply light a candle with us or join our PMA Intl. prayer warriors for deep prayer and/or abstinence from solid foods. Please feel free to join us in any or all aspects of this event. Fast- if you choose -in a variety of ways available to do so. IE: If you love coffee you may choose to abstain from your usual morning cup yet continue to eat as always. Please research the different types of fast. Please check with your doctor first before eliminating all solid foods. If you have a medical condition please just join us in lighting a candle and/or prayer or choose to eliminate certain foods which will not harm your health. Lets join forces around the world with common focus, prayer and intention towards this issue while lifting our voices up as one towards the heavens, requesting and manifesting change. In peace and love xo
What Does The Quote That “58,000 Children Are Sent to Live With Abusers Every Year” Mean? / E.J Perth U.S.A Regional Director , Healing and Prayer Administrator- PMA International
By E.J Perth
What does the quote that “58,000 children are sent to live with abusers every year” mean?
Actual Quote: “According to a conservative estimate by experts at the Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence (LC), more than 58,000 children a year are ordered into unsupervised contact with physically or sexually abusive parents following divorce in the United States. This is over twice the yearly rate of new cases of childhood cancer.”
This number is an estimate, the link below explains how the LC came to that number in 2008. I have not seen current numbers.
CONTACT is explained as ,”This number includes BOTH those who are left in the sole care of an abuser and those who are required to have unsupervised visits.
“The LC admits they used estimates because there was a lack of information in certain areas.
The LCl says courts often fail to detect family violence so children’s lives are put into danger, “Once placed with an abusive parent or forced to visit, children will continue to be exposed to parental violence and abuse until they reach 18. Thus, we estimate that half a million children will be affected in the US at any point of time. Many of these children will suffer physical and psychological damage which may take a lifetime to heal.”
WE NEED UPDATED studies and evaluations to get current information, and be able to analyze trends in family courts, and what its failures are today. Updated info will also help determine how interventions in family court are working.
Common Responses After Losing a Child (for Protective Moms)/ E. J Perth PMA INTL. USA Regional Director, Healing & Prayer Network Administrator
I feel it is important to distinguish the loss and being related to family court proceedings because often times the process involves factors that re-traumatize the family and prolong any possibility of stabilizing the family. In essence, there is a distinct type of grief that follows losing a child due to unjust proceedings that villify a parent trying to protect their children.
Mothers who loose their children in family court proceedings often experience (and report):
* Character assassination and/or emotional abuse of the mother (who may be labelled as having “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or “Malicious Mom Syndrome”)
* Minimizing past abuse and its affects/Minimizing the current danger
* Legal proceedings that deny a mother of her legal rights
* Feeling threatened or coerced by court personnel
*Expensive legal or court costs, often resulting in severe financial hardship (I have heard of mothers losing their home and being forced to work several jobs, in which their contact with their children becomes even more limited)
* Inability to protect children combined with valid concerns the children may still be in danger
* Children forcibly removed from the home (a majority of these mothers were primary caregivers)
* Mothers denied contact with children–these children are oftn abruptly, and without warning removed from their homes, their community, their friends and any connection to the mother
* Mothers being compelled into supervised visitation to see children, and may be exposed to other abusers (I have actually heard of a woman who took the bus to supervised visitation, and was stalked by an alleged abuser when leaving the premisis)
* Inability to get help or support for herself. Mothers may have their medical and psychological records subpoened by the court and/or their abuser, in which she degraded or labelled based on the findings and then forced to “prove” she is a fit mother. Mothers may also become isolated because they feel others do not understand their situation. It is common for people to feel overwhelmed hearing these stories and then to be unable to provide support. The financial depletion caused by family court may also limit a woman’s ability to seek help. Not to mention the woman may be so overwhelmed that she does not have the energy to get the help she may need.
* DV by Proxy ; the abuser manipulating the children, or using them in ways to hurt, intimidate or harass the mother (Ie using children to send messages to the mother, telling the children false information about the mother, threatening to harm the children, threatening to take the children, etc..)
Mothers who loose their children in this way often experience:
* Physical Illness (including but not limited to headaches, ulcers, vomiting, fatigue and exhaustion)
* Anxiety/Panic Attacks
* Guilt/Shame/ Self-Blame, particularly around issues that they failed or could not protect their children
* Flashbacks (The court proceedings may trigger memories of abuse, or legitimate fears)
* Binge Eating and/or Lack of Appetite, Nausea
* Shock (A combination of all these factors, feeling numb, unable to perform daily tasks, feeling as if she is living in a fog, lack of memory/concentration, tremors/trembling, hot flashes etc)
* A surge of emotion/adrenaline
* Post Traumatic Stress
* Avoidance (Especially around areas that remind them of their children. It would be common to even avoid social places and friends)
* Fits of Crying — There are often triggers. (When I lost my child, I remember avoiding the grocery store because I would pass my child’s favorite treats, think of my child, and start to cry. It got to the point where I could not even remember what I wanted in the grocery store because I was so upset.)
* Memory Loss/Concentration Difficulties
THIS DOES NOT MEAN THE MOTHER IS MENTALLY ILL OR UNSTABLE, these are typical responses to the loss of a child in combination with the extreme stress of being involved in family court proceedings that are perceived as unjust, and which a mother has no control over. It takes time to work through the grief and emotions of losing your child, and being involved in family court proceedings–these response may emerge and change as the mother processes what has happened.
I found it helpful to be part of a domestic violence group, hosted by a battered women’s shelter. The group is confidential and does not keep records. I was able to talk with other women and learn tools on how to cope, and rebuild my life. There is hope–Stay strong.
Blessings ~ EJ Perth, PMA Intl.USA Regional Director, Healing & Prayer Network Administrator
If you have anything to add to this list, please add a comment. Please keep remain respectful. Any derogatory language will be deleted. Remember PMA is a NO ABUSE ZONE! Thank you for keep it friendly :)