Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

Understanding the Batterer in Custody and Visitation Disputes/Lundy Bancroft

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“A batterer also tends to involve his children in the abuse of the mother. He may require the children to report on the victim’s activities during the day, degrade or humiliate her in front of them, or persuade them that she deserves to be abused. He may even involve them directly in abusing her; for example, a client of mine taught his two-year-old to call the mother “Mommy b***.” He may be cruel to the children as a way of getting at her; one of my clients had cut up his daughter’s prom dress with scissors one night while angry at his wife. He may do them special favors after abusing the mother, to get the children on his side. He may tell them that their mother doesn’t love them. He may threaten to take the children away from her, legally or illegally…” Lundy Bancroft, Understanding the Batterer in Custody and Visitation Disputes (1998).

3 Responses

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  1. Reblogged this on Moms' Hearts Unsilenced and commented:
    When I saw that my ex was willing to make up outrageous accusations against me & involve our daughter in this financial & emotional abuse, it was as if a final alarm went off — & I found out more when I opened my eyes, when I realized the emotional harm he was capable of causing our own daughter & “saw” where/what her behavioral problems stemmed from after all — it was too late because the “legal” system had little interest in the best interest of my child.

    Torn 2 Peaces

    March 21, 2014 at 3:23 am

  2. One reason I moved away from my child was because my ex, who secured physical custody via manipulation, kept involving her in lying about me, taking me to court & dragging her along, putting hateful messages into her head, etc. I had hoped she would spend time with me in peace away & eventually come live with me away from hate & conflict, but once I agreed to paying him child support (including back) on top of providing the health insurance, the alienation increased. I hope & pray someone educates our kids about Parental Alienation because I now know that no matter what the evidence or training & knowledge of those in the system, they just don’t really care — not enough to fight a sociopath.

    Torn 2 Peaces

    March 21, 2014 at 3:42 am

  3. This is happening to me. My ex threatened to take my kids away if I ever left him and he is trying to do just that. I left my ex 10 months ago. He filed an emergency ex parte based on lies and the courts immediately granted him temporary sole custody. I decided I was tired of the games and filed for divorce. I was pregnant at the time with our third child and homeless. He did nothing but try to make my life horrible. He didn’t contribute one penny towards our baby or me. I moved to an adjoining state to be with family and had our third child up there. My ex went as far as getting that state’s DCS involved, saying that I was the abusive one and that there was an open case from the state I left. DCS took my baby away from me upon discharge from the hospital. My baby was only 3 days old. My baby was put in foster care and I was only allowed to see him once during the 10 days he was away from me. My family hired a very good attorney and DCS dropped all charges, returning my baby to me. I was so happy! The fight then continued to get my other two children in my care–something I am still working on doing. The judge in the state where they live kept them with my ex and his mother due to the bond that they had formed with her. The bond that wouldn’t have been formed if my ex hadn’t pulled the crap he did last summer. It’s really sad that the courts can’t see this for what it is.

    Mama of 3

    March 21, 2014 at 4:02 pm

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