Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

Caught Between Parents Supporting children through the challenges of divorce by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.

with 2 comments

dvbyproxy

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/caught-between-parents/201105/word-mothers-you-can-lose-your-children-parental-alienation

As mother’s day approaches I want to take a moment to unequivocally state that yes mothers even good mothers can lose their children to parental alienation. One common myth that seems to be “out there” in the world is that parental alienation is something that only happens to fathers and that mothers, because they tend to have residential custody and because (the theory goes) the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. While no one has data about the exact gender break down, I can say that without a doubt some mothers do and have been victimized in this way. I believe that part of why this is not talked about as much as fathers’ experiences of parental alienation is that mothers who do lose their kids this way are overcome with shame and humiliation and tend to not want to go public with their story. In my conversations with targeted mothers a common theme is that they perceive other people as thinking that they must have done something wrong for their child to reject them. Many stay silent for this reason, to avoid being blamed and shamed. Another complicating factor is that many women’s rights group denounce the existence of parental alienation, claiming that it is a fabricated problem designed to hurt mothers. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. It is time for targeted mothers to go public and be open about their experience, and make it clear that it is possible to be both a feminist and a victim of parental alienation. I strongly believe that the more people talk about this problem, the more likely it is that it can be prevented and treated. Too often custody cases get bogged down in whether the problem is real rather than focusing on how to resolve the alienation and help heal parent child relationships. In my experience an alienating parent needs three things: (1) motive to undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent, (2) access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. These are not the sole purview of either gender.

On father’s day I will certainly acknowledge the risks and concerns that they contend with concerning parental alienation. In the meantime, I encourage all parents (mothers and fathers) to become educated about parental alienation, to help create awareness in their community, and to work towards improving prevention, intervention, and treatment of this terrible form of child abuse.

2 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Reblogged this on Moms' Hearts Unsilenced and commented:
    Thank you. I have observed & experienced this myself.

    Torn 2 Peaces

    April 25, 2014 at 3:36 pm

  2. What also held me back from speaking up when my daughter was put in harm’s way by moving in with her dad & his 5th wife was: (1.) the shock that this could happen with the evidence I had, & (2.) my daughter’s privacy — my daughter was brought in on participating in lies. Also, she was caught up in a lifestyle that she had been living when visiting her dad every other weekend. & (3.) Parental Alienation was too painful to speak it out loud … But the stakes from being silent are too high for my daughter & others’ kids. Many moms thank me for speaking out. I am thankful for what you are doing to free us all from this injustice & abuse — this nightmare.

    Torn 2 Peaces

    April 25, 2014 at 4:07 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: