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Letter to My Teen (Will This Reach Her Eyes, Her Heart?)/ Moms’ Hearts Unsilenced

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This beautiful letter was originally created by Moms’ Hearts Unsilenced ( link below)

Moms’ Hearts Unsilenced was kind enough to also share this poignant letter with PMA International on our Love Letters to Our Children Project ( link below )

https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/love-letters-to-our-children/

https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/

This speaks directly to the heart of all protective mother’s suffering without their precious children due to DV By Proxy or Parental Alienation. Thank you to Moms’ Heart Unsilenced for sharing a piece of your heart with us.

http://momsheartsunsilenced.com/2013/01/07/letter-to-my-alienated-teen-will-this-reach-her-eyes-her-heart/

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Dear Daughter,

I love you more than words can convey. And I can’t begin to tell you how painful, how agonizing it has been to have been kept from expressing love to my child — to have been prevented from caring for you. And to hear from others of signs you are showing signs of pain & emptiness… I can’t express how desperately difficult this is, & how terrible it feels not to be able to make anyone protect you, let alone be blocked from reaching out & keeping you safe. It (this issue) is not you; it is this situation we’ve been put in — a situation which began a while back 😦

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I will move back if you ask — if my presence will help you — it only seemed to hurt before, so I left to create a safety nest. I love you & want to care for you & help you heal — it is what you deserve! It is your right.

I will be where you need me to be. You only have to let me know. I would already be there if I knew it did not create trouble for you. I love you. I am here for you, waiting to know what you need me to do under these painful circumstances.

We are not alone. Other daughters & moms are also going thru this hell. We are praying for each other & for PEACE. But most of all,

I’m praying for you — your safety & wellness & right to love & enjoy your entire family. (These things all go
together.)

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I MISS YOU — your humor, your sweetness, your curiosity, your creativity, your talent with critters… our experiments with crafts/projects gone wrong, our practical jokes…

I’m so sad that so much time has been stolen — not just these past few years, but since you were small, too. And so much peaceful mother-daughter & family time was interfered with. But I was happy for you because I thought you had all the caring attention I never had. I also thought (& had been encouraged to believe) that I had less value than others in your life, but now I realize that is a lie. meerkats

So many things I did & decisions I made were about trying to hold things together for our family under the weight of confusion. Although I regret my mistakes, ignorance, lack of parenting skills in an unfamiliar & unsecure situation, I’ve accepted (with the help of others) that I’m human. While no one person should be at the center of any one’s life all the time (and no one, daughter, should limit who you love at any time, including — especially including: yourself), I strongly believe in the value I have in your life, or I would not bother in the face of so much painful rejection.

Control and rejection are two major components of parental alienation =(

You know I stand for forgiveness, inclusiveness, love, harmony, & peace….

I am working hard to help others of all ages recognize parental alienation & to support others who are suffering. You have also inspired me to share with others about why someone should consider vegetarian and vegan choices!

cowYour loved ones need you to be safe & healthy!!

But, I am also enjoying all the little blessings & not-so-little things in life, & I pray for the day you will enjoy them with me & your whole family.

Love always, Momma

For more beautiful love letters, poems, videos from protective moms to their child(ten) please visit our Love Letters To Our Children project on FB and on this website/blog ( links above)

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big hug, little hug, little kiss, little hug…

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 27, 2014 at 9:10 am

DV By PROXY = Child Abuse

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Sniffer dog tracks down child abuse images stored in hidden memory stick/ Mirror

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http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/sniffer-dog-tracks-down-child-3827241

Police dog trained to detect electronic circuitry finds well concealed memory stick bearing horror images

A man is in custody after a specialist police dog found a memory stick in a tin box hidden in a metal cabinet.

The memory stick was found to contain sickening images of child sexual abuse.

Police in Rhode Island, USA, say they got sniffer dog Thoreau from Connecticut police after the it completed months of training based on detecting gadgets in return for food rewards.

The dog’s handler, Det Adam Houston, said: “If it has a memory card, he’ll sniff it out.” He said the food-based reward system was how the dog ate “every day”.

But experts in Britain are not convinced. They say the reward system is open to abuse.

Maggie Gwynne, of Sniffer Dogs UK and International, said the practice is contrary to UK police training methods.

She said: “Offering a sniffer dog food in exchange for a ‘find’ opens the way for an abuse of the system – if its hungry enough it will take food from anybody, not just its handler and therefore defeats the object of the search.

“I don’t believe this is a field that any UK police dog would be trained in, and I personally have never heard of such a thing,” .

She said sniffer dogs are concerned with the detection of drugs, cash, firearms, explosives, and are used for conflict management and tracking criminals on the run or missing and vulnerable people.

It is unclear whether the dog can distinguish between a memory stick and other electrical equipment likely to be around a suspect’s house, like TV remotes, radios and computers.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 14, 2014 at 3:16 am

New Developments on Parents of Missing Son Found Alive in Their Basement/ Inside Edition

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http://www.insideedition.com/headlines/8518-new-developments-on-parents-of-missing-son-found-alive-in-their-basement

There is a new twist in the mystery of the missing who was boy found alive in his own father’s basement.

Twelve-year-old Charlie Bothuell’s stepmother was in court in Detroit on Friday after a night behind bars. The 37-year-old woman was busted for a probation violation unrelated to the missing boy investigation. But she is considered a “person of interest” in the case. Her four-year-old son and ten-month-old daughter were being cared for by child protective services. She pled not guilty to the probation violation.

Charlie, missing for nearly two weeks, was found in his father’s basement hidden behind a barricade. There was a wooden pallet used as a table, some bedding, and snacks.

HLN’s Nancy Grace breaking the news to his father that Charlie had been found in the basement is now being called one of the most riveting live TV moments in recent years. The father’s reaction is causing some to question if he knew where the boy was all along.

Grace said, “The barricade set up for the boy that he was hiding behind was of a nature that it would have been very difficult for a boy his age to do. Apparently it was put together with furniture like a dresser, a 55-gallon drum, a lot of boxes, and he was back behind that.”

Now, Charlie’s father is under investigation for suspected child abuse. Police recovered a plastic pipe, allegedly used to discipline the boy.

The father reportedly insisted little Charlie follow a grueling exercise reginmen of 4,000 steps on an elliptical trainer every day. The boy failed to complete the exercise the day he disappeared.

The stepmother reportedly texted Charlie’s dad that he was “not doing his chores” and he would “have to deal with that.”

Bothuell has denied any acts of child abuse.

The boy’s now in his mother’s care. His father has been ordered to avoid contact with the child.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 14, 2014 at 2:59 am

You’re Evil! Combatting Badmouthing in Parental Alienation/ Ostara Gets A Divorce

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Originally posted November 11, 2013, on Ostara Gets A Divorce

http://ostaragetsadivorce.com/2013/11/11/youre-evil-combatting-badmouthing-in-parental-alienation/

“You’re evil, you’re evil, you’re evil”, Muppet sings while hugging, kissing and frolicking with her big sister while I’m setting the table for dinner. I smile; her words and actions are clearly contradictory, so she is not aware of the meaning. Such a sweet little toddler.

Time to have the discussion about certain words we don’t use, I think to myself.

While I’m serving dinner, I start out “There are certain words that are not nice to say to people, and I don’t want you to use them. We don’t say ‘people are evil’, we don’t use the word ‘stupid’. I want you to respect others and show respect in the words you use.”

“But Dad tells Kelly, my sister and me that you are evil. That we get the flea bites at your house and that you give Muppet the booty rash.” Sweet Bee says.

RIP. MY. HEART. OUT.

How many target parents have heard similar words? How many target parents have felt the same feelings that were going through me?

Countless, but even 1 person having to go through this is too many, even 1 child having to be subjected to this is too many.

And it is not like I had not heard it before. During trial we entered into evidence and email from Ex to me where he calls my mother ‘the Devil’, because my mother held him accountable for not taking good emotional, physical and financial care of me and the kids. The pattern is only repeating itself, but now with me who is to be eliminated.

The most prominent alienation strategy was denigration of the targeted parent, informally referred to as “bad-mouthing.” — Baker, Amy J. L. “Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind”

Bad-mouthing the other parent seemed to serve the same function as bad-mouthing the “outside world” has for cults: promotion of dependency. — Baker, Amy J. L. ” Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind”

Parental Alienation is depriving a child from a valid loving relationship. It is about creating dependency on the alienating parent, not based on the truth and reality, but based upon subjectivity and persuasion.

Drama replaces reason.

And that is the ‘hook’ Reunification Therapists take a hold of. They work with the child to teach them to ‘figure it out’, to learn to discern between fact/reality and subjective distortion. The Reunification Therapist works to improve mental functioning by working on reality testing and mitigate the trauma by weighing evidence.

Most parents don’t know what a therapist does, but that doesn’t mean a parent can not do ‘supportive’ work while the therapist is not available. It is hard and can be difficult, but the parent has to calmly, objectively and non-emotionally clarify the reality which the child themselves can test.

So what is the evidence in the statement of Sweet Bee? Ex has a ‘rat problem’, rats carry fleas. The kids return from access with numerous bites, documented by 3rd party. I have dogs who are religiously treated with K9 Advantix. The kids leave without flea bites. Muppet has been returned from access with a (bleeding) diaper rash multiple times, diagnosed and treated within hours by dr.’s.

“Are you itchy right now?” I ask. “No” they answer. “Do you have any bug bites right now?” I continue. “No” they answer again. “When you are itchy and have bug bites where are you then?” “We’re at Dad’s, and he has no bug bite lotion” is the answer. They emphasize the lack of bug bite lotion. While that seems trivial, it is not. It means they (unconsciously) did a reality check. They had been looking or asking for bug bite lotion while at Dad’s.

I didn’t lash out and said Ex was a liar to the children. I calmly did a reality check. While dealing with the bug bites was ‘easy’, internally I was trying to figure out how to bring up the diaper rash. The dr.’s diagnosed it as being the result of prolonged exposure to urine and it extends down her leg(s). It is not normal for a 3-year-old to have this when she is fully potty trained. The last episode likely had to do with the fact that Ex left the children unattended in a car for periods of time without supervision, access to food/water or bathroom. ‘Inadequate guardianship’ is what CPS supervisor called it.

“Where does your booty hurt the most?” I ask Muppet. “In the front” she replies. Ok, good point, a good factual statement for a 3 ½ year old. “But when you are with Mom or with Dad?” I try to probe a little further. “Both” she innocently replies. And she is right, it is not like it is instantly over, and how am I going to explain to a toddler that it takes time to heal? How do I explain the cause and effect; prolonged exposure to urine = diaper rash?

And this is why parental alienation takes ground with younger children so much easier than older kids, teenagers or adults. Younger kids don’t have the same conception of reality, developmentally they are not ready yet. They still believe in Santa. They’ll believe anything a parent tells them.

Distorting reality for a child this young and depriving them from the other parents’ love, making them question the validity of this love is devastating and has long-lasting effects. It is cruel to the child.

But parents with this attitude do not solve problems by being rational. They have no internal conflict, it doesn’t bother them they are hurting the child. If a problem arises, it is always someone else’s fault.

There is no protocol to fix the alienating parent—not legally, not therapeutically, and not by reasoning with them. It is also unlikely that they will ever stop trying to perpetuate the alienation, because it has become a gut-wrenching survival issue to them! — Douglas Darnell, 2000

Courts are supposed to uphold the statue of Best Interest of the Child. It should protect the child from the harmful effects of Parental Alienation, which is considered psychological child abuse in the DSM 5. Fighting parental alienation is not about a mother’s right, it is not about a father’s right, it is about the children’s right. They are not 2nd class citizens.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” — Declaration of Independence July 4, 1776

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Narcissists and Child Custody

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

June 30, 2014 at 2:10 am

Molly McGrath Tierney / Rethinking Foster Care TEDxBaltimore 2014

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Excellent- Standing ovation – TED talk by Molly McGrath Tierney about rethinking foster care.
Molly McGrath Tierney is the Director for the Baltimore City Department of Social Services, managing the City’s child welfare and public assistance programs. Over the past six years, she has led a massive reform effort to dramatically improve the impact of services to vulnerable citizens of Baltimore. Molly’s work is considered a national model for modern social services.

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