Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

Archive for the ‘children’s rights’ Category

Common Responses After Losing a Child (for Protective Moms)/ E. J Perth PMA INTL. USA Regional Director, Healing & Prayer Network Administrator

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A list of common responses/reactions after losing a child in a family court proceeding

I feel it is important to distinguish the loss and being related to family court proceedings because often times the process involves factors that re-traumatize the family and prolong any possibility of stabilizing the family. In essence, there is a distinct type of grief that follows losing a child due to unjust proceedings that villify a parent trying to protect their children.

Mothers who loose their children in family court proceedings often experience (and report):

* Character assassination and/or emotional abuse of the mother (who may be labelled as having “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or “Malicious Mom Syndrome”)

* Minimizing past abuse and its affects/Minimizing the current danger

* Legal proceedings that deny a mother of her legal rights

* Feeling threatened or coerced by court personnel

*Expensive legal or court costs, often resulting in severe financial hardship (I have heard of mothers losing their home and being forced to work several jobs, in which their contact with their children becomes even more limited)

* Re-traumatization

* Inability to protect children combined with valid concerns the children may still be in danger

* Children forcibly removed from the home (a majority of these mothers were primary caregivers)

* Mothers denied contact with children–these children are oftn abruptly, and without warning removed from their homes, their community, their friends and any connection to the mother

* Mothers being compelled into supervised visitation to see children, and may be exposed to other abusers (I have actually heard of a woman who took the bus to supervised visitation, and was stalked by an alleged abuser when leaving the premisis)

* Inability to get help or support for herself. Mothers may have their medical and psychological records subpoened by the court and/or their abuser, in which she degraded or labelled based on the findings and then forced to “prove” she is a fit mother. Mothers may also become isolated because they feel others do not understand their situation. It is common for people to feel overwhelmed hearing these stories and then to be unable to provide support. The financial depletion caused by family court may also limit a woman’s ability to seek help. Not to mention the woman may be so overwhelmed that she does not have the energy to get the help she may need.

* DV by Proxy ; the abuser manipulating the children, or using them in ways to hurt, intimidate or harass the mother (Ie using children to send messages to the mother, telling the children false information about the mother, threatening to harm the children, threatening to take the children, etc..)

Mothers who loose their children in this way often experience:

* Physical Illness (including but not limited to headaches, ulcers, vomiting, fatigue and exhaustion)

* Anxiety/Panic Attacks

* Depression

* Guilt/Shame/ Self-Blame, particularly around issues that they failed or could not protect their children

* Flashbacks (The court proceedings may trigger memories of abuse, or legitimate fears)

* Binge Eating and/or Lack of Appetite, Nausea

* Insomnia

* Shock (A combination of all these factors, feeling numb, unable to perform daily tasks, feeling as if she is living in a fog, lack of memory/concentration, tremors/trembling, hot flashes etc)

* A surge of emotion/adrenaline

* Hyperventilating

* Post Traumatic Stress

* Avoidance (Especially around areas that remind them of their children. It would be common to even avoid social places and friends)

* Withdrawl

* Anger

* Fear

* Fits of Crying — There are often triggers. (When I lost my child, I remember avoiding the grocery store because I would pass my child’s favorite treats, think of my child, and start to cry. It got to the point where I could not even remember what I wanted in the grocery store because I was so upset.)

* Memory Loss/Concentration Difficulties

THIS DOES NOT MEAN THE MOTHER IS MENTALLY ILL OR UNSTABLE, these are typical responses to the loss of a child in combination with the extreme stress of being involved in family court proceedings that are perceived as unjust, and which a mother has no control over. It takes time to work through the grief and emotions of losing your child, and being involved in family court proceedings–these response may emerge and change as the mother processes what has happened.

I found it helpful to be part of a domestic violence group, hosted by a battered women’s shelter. The group is confidential and does not keep records. I was able to talk with other women and learn tools on how to cope, and rebuild my life. There is hope–Stay strong.

Blessings ~ EJ Perth, PMA Intl.USA Regional Director, Healing & Prayer Network Administrator

If you have anything to add to this list, please add a comment. Please keep remain respectful. Any derogatory language will be deleted. Remember PMA is a NO ABUSE ZONE! Thank you for keep it friendly 🙂

Girl taken from adoptive family after 8 years Given to Bio Dad- a Convicted Felon

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http://www.today.com/video/today/55197920/#55197920

A Tennessee family is desperately trying to regain custody of the young girl they raised for eight years, after her adoption was vacated and a judge ruled she belongs with her biological father, a convicted felon living hundreds of miles away in Nebraska. NBC’s Sarah Dallof reports.

Man Who Raped 10 year old and Girl Murdered Her Mother Sentenced To Life In Prison/ Opposing View

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images-12http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/man-who-raped-10-year-old-girl-murdered-her-mother-sentenced-life-prison

By Kathryn Schroeder, Sat, May 17, 2014
David Renz, 30, who pled guilty to raping a 10-year-old girl and killing her mother, has been sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

On March 14, 2013, Renz carjacked Lori Bresnahan, 47, and her then 10-year-old daughter in the Syracuse suburb of Clay after they left a gymnastics class. Renz used an air pistol to force the woman to drive her car to a remote area of the mall’s parking lot. He then bound the two and raped the young girl.

Bresnahan fought back against Renz, and urged her daughter to run. Renz stabbed and strangled Bresnahan to death, but her daughter was saved by a passerby in the parking lot.

As Renz fled the scene, police found him in nearby woods.

Renz read a statement in court last July stating he did not “fully understand” why he attacked the mother and child.

“I’m truly sorry for my actions and I am prepared to accept the consequences for them,” Renz said. “I hope that by pleading guilty, I will be able to bring closure for the victim and her family.”

The NY Daily News reports Judge Thomas Miller’s strong words towards Renz while handing out his sentence.

“One day, you will face another judge,” Miller told Renz during the court hearing. “One day when you pass from this earth, another judge will impose a harsher sentence for the absolute evil you committed.”

At the time of the attack, Renz was under federal monitoring on child pornography charges. He had cut off his GPS tracking bracelet from his ankle and reconnected it before a notification was sent to probation officers. Renz was then believed to have still been at his mother’s home at the time of the rape and murder.

The federal probation officers who were monitoring Renz failed to complete monthly checks that would have included inspecting the ankle monitoring device, reports CBS News. The officers on the case were fired or demoted as a result.

Renz was also sentenced to 30 years in prison earlier this year on the child pornography charges, reports the Huffington Post. He possessed more than 11,000 images and 1,100 videos of child pornography.

The federal government did not pursue the death penalty in Renz’s case, and New York has no death penalty.

– See more at: http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/man-who-raped-10-year-old-girl-murdered-her-mother-sentenced-life-prison#sthash.dKjFnJ64.dpuf

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !

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This is for all the Protective Mothers with empty arms and hurting hearts who are missing their children every second of every day, but who are deeply hurting this weekend- Mothers Day weekend. Know that no matter what, you ARE your children’s mother. No one -and certainly no court- can take away this God-given role in your children’s lives. Please know this in your heart. PMA INTL. celebrates you, Protective Mom, and deeply understands the unconditional love and heroic sacrifices you have made to protect your children from abuse and harm. You are modern day heroes, and PMA INTL strongly believes that you will go down in history as such. PMA INTL loves and supports you and your precious children now and forever. You are always in are hearts. Happy Mothers Day!

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Unfit Parents

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Caught Between Parents Supporting children through the challenges of divorce by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.

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dvbyproxy

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/caught-between-parents/201105/word-mothers-you-can-lose-your-children-parental-alienation

As mother’s day approaches I want to take a moment to unequivocally state that yes mothers even good mothers can lose their children to parental alienation. One common myth that seems to be “out there” in the world is that parental alienation is something that only happens to fathers and that mothers, because they tend to have residential custody and because (the theory goes) the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. While no one has data about the exact gender break down, I can say that without a doubt some mothers do and have been victimized in this way. I believe that part of why this is not talked about as much as fathers’ experiences of parental alienation is that mothers who do lose their kids this way are overcome with shame and humiliation and tend to not want to go public with their story. In my conversations with targeted mothers a common theme is that they perceive other people as thinking that they must have done something wrong for their child to reject them. Many stay silent for this reason, to avoid being blamed and shamed. Another complicating factor is that many women’s rights group denounce the existence of parental alienation, claiming that it is a fabricated problem designed to hurt mothers. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. It is time for targeted mothers to go public and be open about their experience, and make it clear that it is possible to be both a feminist and a victim of parental alienation. I strongly believe that the more people talk about this problem, the more likely it is that it can be prevented and treated. Too often custody cases get bogged down in whether the problem is real rather than focusing on how to resolve the alienation and help heal parent child relationships. In my experience an alienating parent needs three things: (1) motive to undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent, (2) access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. These are not the sole purview of either gender.

On father’s day I will certainly acknowledge the risks and concerns that they contend with concerning parental alienation. In the meantime, I encourage all parents (mothers and fathers) to become educated about parental alienation, to help create awareness in their community, and to work towards improving prevention, intervention, and treatment of this terrible form of child abuse.

Portrait of an Emotional Abuser: The Silent Treatment Abuser/ Dr. Gregory Jantz’s Blog

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” By not verbally expressing that anger, by “avoiding” showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser.” Dr. Gregory Jantz

Sylvia entered the quiet house. When she had pulled up in the driveway after work, she hadn’t seen any lights on in the

front of the house, but Jim’s car was parked in its normal place. So he was home. It meant he was in the den at the back of the house instead of in the living room. What have I done now? she thought to herself?

Jim always retreated to the den when he was mad at her. The more she bothered him and tried to find out what was wrong, the longer he would stay inside, not speaking to her. It was best if she just went about her business in the house as quietly as possible, trying to stay out of his way and waiting for him to either snap out of it or blow up and tell her what she had done wrong. She couldn’t force him to respond, and over the years she had gotten used to his behavior.

No discussion of emotional abuse through words would be complete without including the absence of words as a form of abuse. This is commonly known as the “silent treatment.” Abusers punish their victims by refusing to speak to them or even acknowledge their presence. Through silence, the abusers loudly communicate their displeasure, anger, frustration, or disappointment.

Depending on the person, this silent treatment can last for hours, days, or weeks. For some abusers, it is a preferred method of communication because of its ability to humiliate and control the victim. It is used most effectively by those in close relationship, such as a spouse, parent, or child. The silence, the loss of verbal relationship, is meant to exact an emotional toll on the other person, who often will go to great lengths to attempt to restore communication with the abuser.

This level of control is precisely what the abuser is looking for, as well as a way to vent his or her anger at the other person.

By not verbally expressing that anger, by “avoiding” showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser. If the victim responds to the silent treatment with anger, the abuser is doubly vindicated.

The above is excerpted from chapter 4 in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz.

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