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Punished for Trying to Protect My Children from Abuse (Photography & Quote)/Unstoppable Mothers

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#1 The most outrageous action a judge took in your family court case

“The judge gave full custody

to my ex despite

concerns for safety

and documented abuse.

 

The judge looked at me,

and said,”Let’s see how 

you like this separation.

 

I am being punished

for being a voice

for my children

and trying to

protect them from abuse.”

 

Unstoppable Mothers © 2016

U.M Disclaimer

 

Father With History of Abuse Kills Daughter, Says ‘She’s Happier Now’

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Lila Pickering, Image Retrieved from Go Fund Me: https://www.gofundme.com/2gk8fm24

Lila Pickering, Image Retrieved from Go Fund Me: https://www.gofundme.com/2gk8fm24

Asheville, N.C., Sept. 9, 2016 – Seth Willis Pickering stabbed his 6-year old daughter Lila to death in front of two park rangers along the Blue Ridge Parkway. When arrested, he said, “Now they will never be able to take her away from me.. She’s happier now.. it’s what she wanted.”

Pickering was involved in a custody dispute with ex-wife Ashley Pickering. Ashley left the relationship because he was abusive towards her. Ashley, who now lives in Florida, was fighting in the courts for the return of her daughter, “I went to leave and a cop was supposed to send Lila with me, and he didn’t, and I’ve been fighting with the courts and DSS.” Ashley claims that Lila was soon to return to her care.

Lila was placed in protective custody with the Buncombe County Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) after being removed from her father’s care, due to his violent behavior towards another woman. Lila was placed with a local family, who she knew well. The family offered to take the child in to avoid foster care. Pickering was allowed supervised visitation.

On September 9th, Lila was picked up at the home by her father, without permission, and taken to a remote camp site. Park rangers discovered Pickering with Lila, and before they could intervene, he has stabbed her to death.

Pickering is charged with first degree murder.

Lila Pickering is described as being a happy child with a beautiful smile who nickname was “Rescue Ranger” because she was willing to help anybody. Lila would have celebrated her birthday on October 1st, there will be a celebration of her life at the local elementary school where she attended. A Go Fund Me has been created by the family to help raise money for funeral expenses.

Cindy Dabil, Lila’s grandmother says Child Protective Services in Florida and in North Carolina should have done more to protect Lila. She hopes Lila’s tragic death will serve as a call to action to better protect children from abuse, and to make changes to improve the safety of children living in state care

Read More:

‘It’s what she wanted’: Dad in custody battle kills daughter in front of park rangers, police say/

Johnston students, staff grieve for girl killed on parkway

6-YEAR-OLD GIRL KILLED BY FATHER AFTER LOSING BITTER CUSTODY BATTLE

Mom recorded her own murder on cell phone — DV Crime

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CHESTER COUNTY, Pa. — Wesley Webb was fighting with boyfriend Keith Smith in their home in Schuylkill Township, Pennsylvania, when she decided to start recording the argument. What she ended up recording was her own murder, police say. Webb, 40, told Smith she would leave with her two children — three kids, all under age…

via Mom recorded her own murder on cell phone — WTKR.com

Written by EJ

May 12, 2016 at 6:50 pm

General Letter to a General Child in a General Family./ Dr. Childress

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“The child’s misidentification of authentic sadness is being created by the pathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent. The child’s authentic sadness and grief are being transformed by the manipulative pathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent into “anger and resentment, loaded with revengeful wishes.” Dr Childress

 

I am working as hard and as fast as I can to bring this nightmare of “parental alienation” to an end – for all children and for all families. My next blog post will be significant in moving our fight for your children forward. In the meantime, I was asked by a targeted parent if I could write a letter to the children explaining things to them. So I did.
For a variety of reasons, I can’t actually write a specific letter to your specific child in your specific family. But I can write a general letter to a general child in a general family. And this is what I did.
I wanted to speak directly to the child (an adolescent between the ages of 13-17), so I had to make four versions of the letter, one for a daughter who is rejecting her mom (A Letter to Mary) and one for a son who is rejecting his mom (A Letter to Jason), one for a daughter who is rejecting her dad (A Letter to Jessica), and one for a son who is rejecting his dad (A Letter to John). They’re all the same, but it simplifies the use of pronouns. I think of this as my “Letter to Mary” series, since this is the one I started with.
Until we can protect your children we cannot ask them to reveal their authenticity. They have to survive in the psychologically dangerous upside-down world of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent, where night is day, and black is white, where truth and reality shift with the needs of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent.
Fundamentally, though, the problem for the child is a misidentified and unprocessed grief response (the famed attachment theorist, John Bowlby, referred to it as “disordered mourning”). The child’s misidentification of authentic sadness is being created by the pathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent. The child’s authentic sadness and grief are being transformed by the manipulative pathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent into “anger and resentment, loaded with revengeful wishes.”
From Kernberg (1975): “The [narcissist’s] need to control the idealized objects, to use them in attempts to manipulate and exploit the environment and to “destroy potential enemies,” is linked with inordinate pride in the “possession” of these perfect objects totally dedicated to the patient.” (p. 33)
From Kernberg (1975) “They [narcissists] are especially deficient in genuine feelings of sadness and mournful longing; their incapacity for experiencing depressive reactions is a basic feature of their personalities. When abandoned or disappointed by other people they may show what on the surface looks like depression, but which on further examination emerges as anger and resentment, loaded with revengeful wishes, rather than real sadness for the loss of a person whom they appreciated.” (p. 229)
In normal-range divorces, parents help their children understand and process the children’s sadness and grief surrounding the divorce. This is what parents are supposed to do. But the pathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent has no empathy for the child, and instead manipulates the child’s authentic sadness into anger, into blaming and resentment toward the other parent in order to exploit the child’s anger as a weapon against the other parent.
About the only thing I might be able to do for the child caught in the loyalty conflict imposed by a narcissistic/(borderline) parent is to do for the child what a normal-range parent should do, help the child understand his or her authentic hurt, and sadness, and grief beneath the anger and blaming. So that’s what I tried to do in these letters to the children. It may not be successful and it may not help. But it’s the most I can do until we are able to protect the children from the psychopathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent.
The four versions of the letter are up on my website, down at the very bottom. Direct links are:

A Letter to Mary (mother/daughter):
http://www.drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp…
A Letter to Jason (mother/son):
http://www.drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp…
A Letter to Jessica (father/daughter):
http://www.drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp…
A Letter to John (father/son):
http://www.drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp…
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857
Kernberg, O.F. (1975). Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. New York: Aronson.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

April 15, 2016 at 9:59 pm

Tatyana Brown- “Gaslit”/everydayfeminism

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How Gaslighting Is Abuse That Stays with You Like a Terrifying Hurricane

 

 

Taking its name from the 1944 film The Gaslight,

gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information

is continuously presented to a survivor in order to make them doubt their memory, perception, and sanity

You know you’ve really got it bad when decades later,

shadows in your apartment flicker after the sky is baptized in lightning,

and you hear his voice instead of thunder telling you, “There is no storm”

You don’t need to close the windows

That is not water pouring in sheets onto the rooftops,

flooding your bedroom until the mattress weeps under your weight

It’s just an accident

Probably you did it, little girl

Why are you making such a scene?

It’s a quiet night, a leaky bathtub upstairs,

there is nothing to protect yourself or anyone else from, darling

Everyone is happy

Maybe you should try it

Are you trying hard enough to have some better, more attractive feelings?

Show me your winner’s smile

No, not like that, all bare teeth

Close your mouth, and pull until it stings

Who’s going to love that gap, yeah?

Who do you think you’re fooling with all this sky is falling bullshit?

Nobody cares

It’s a party, and the sad girl in the darkened room stays sad her whole life

Her bottomless sorrow transforms all of the beautiful people into monsters,

or else just makes them leave

She only has herself to blame

It goes on like this for hours

Even though you know it’s raining, it’s a hurricane

The walls are peeling from their studs

The floor is floating in the flood

You live on a raft now, tearing itself apart as it is being sucked out to see

You find yourself apologizing to a voice no one else can hear

I’m sorry for this act of God we’re living through

Sorry about this flesh wound I keep walking around with, staining all your furniture

I’m sorry I can’t seem to start crying

You know, I guess somebody died, and it’s stupid

I realize, but not over it

I guess maybe something happened that gutted me

like a carp you hack apart to catch worthier fish

I guess I haven’t slept in months because silly me,

the roof tore off,

and I have swallowed so much rain lying on my back

Taking it

I’m sorry

You probably don’t mean to hear this messy grief girl who can’t keep her mouth shut

It’s just the way it always is, yeah? My fault.

You know it’s bad when you can’t actually remember what he sounds like

The only version of his voice is rooms away, roaring between the book shelves

as he pulls them crashing to the floor,

and you wonder how it is that he still lives here

How every creak and rumble in your new apartment belongs to him somehow

How you keep waking up feeling guilty for being lazy and such a mess, even at 7 AM

Your books still in their boxes, you realize, it isn’t him you’re hearing,

but the muscle memory of what he made you feel

It’s not so bad. It’s not so bad. You’ve got to get up, and get over it

Are you sure you even remember it right?

It’s your hand on the light switch now, flickering, and cursing your eyes for their perfect sight

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

April 15, 2016 at 9:31 pm

I am the alienator

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Karen Woodall:

I am an alientor. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behaviour patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalising them. I know your behaviour patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.

I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did…

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

April 12, 2016 at 8:02 pm

Mother Left Grief-Stricken After Ex Allegedly Forced Her to Hold Infant Twin Daughters While He Killed Them, Then Shot Himself/ people.com

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BY CHRIS HARRIS @chrisharrisment 11/19/2015 AT 03:45 PM EST

http://www.people.com/article/florida-man-kills-self-after-murdering-twin-daughters

Two twin babies were shot and killed in front of their mother last week during a murder-suicide that unfolded in a home in Jacksonville, Florida.

A police spokesman confirms to PEOPLE that the two five-month-old infants, Hayden and Kayden, were both killed on Nov. 13 by their 28-year-old father, Gawain Rushane Wilson.

Police say Wilson entered the home where the twin girls’ mother, 22-year-old Megan Hiatt, lived with her father, Travis. Wilson allegedly shot the babies, Hiatt and her father before eventually taking his own life.

Megan Hiatt, who is a twin herself, was the sole survivor of what police characterized as a “domestic incident.” Police could not confirm she had to have a breast removed as a result of last week’s violence, but did say she was shot five times. She is recovering from her injuries at UF Health Jacksonville.

The police spokesman also refused to comment on numerous media reports claiming Hiatt was forced to hold her two babies as Miller shot them dead.

Hiatt’s mother, Melissa Bateh, told First Coast News in an interview that Wilson wanted to destroy her daughter’s life. “He wanted to destroy her world. He wanted her to watch it be destroyed,” Bateh said, adding that her daughter told her she was forced to hold the infants as Wilson shot them.

” ‘Mama, he killed them. He killed them in my arms. He made me hold them when he killed them. He made me watch,’ ” Bateh recalled. “I knew, I didn’t … I couldn’t imagine someone doing that, holding your own children while someone kills them.”

Police confirm Hiatt and Miller “were a couple at one time,” but say it doesn’t appear the two were “still a couple” at the time of the shooting.

A GoFundMe campaign has been launched to help raise money to pay for the funeral costs for the twins and their grandfather. So far, it has raised nearly $20,000 in donations.

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Study: Women in Abusive Relationships Choose ‘Secret’ Birth Control / Jezebel

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http://jezebel.com/study-women-in-abusive-relationships-choose-secret-bir-1695273076

A new study has found that women in abusive relationships are less likely to use birth control. When they do use contraception, abused women choose more discreet methods — IUDs, injections, or even sterilization — that they don’t have to disclose, and that their partners are unable to refuse, deny to them or sabotage.

The study, authored by four professors at McGill University and published in a journal put out by the Public Library of Science, shows that abuse often has a direct effect on women’s contraception choices. It suggests that medical providers looking to reduce the incidence of STIs and HIV have to ask women about violence in their relationships, and work with them to find a birth control option that’s not subject to interference from their partners.

“When talking to abused women, I had often heard them mention they were opting for contraception methods their male partner could not refuse,” Lauren Maxwell, a PhD student at McGill University, told the research news website Futurity. “I wanted to know whether, across countries, women who experience intimate partner violence are less able to use contraception, which might explain why rates of abortion and HIV transmission are higher among women abused by their partners.” (The World Health Organization says abused women are more likely to contract HIV, for a variety of reasons: rape can increase vaginal trauma and tearing, for one, which opens the door to future HIV infections. Also, as the WHO notes, “violence and fear of violence” can make it hard for women to “negotiate safe sex.”)

The McGill authors looked at studies of abused women in the United States, India, South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Nicaragua. They found, not surprisingly, that women in abusive relationships were much less likely to report having partners who used condoms:

This review indicates that women who experience IPV [intimate partner violence] are less likely to report that their male partners use condoms than women who do not. Future research might examine the impact of harm reduction strategies on the ability of women who experience IPV to use condoms with their male partners. Condom use requires a complex set of negotiations between a woman and her male partner.

The study suggests that medical providers ask about intimate partner violence when discussing birth control options with their patients, something doctors in the United States are already supposed to do:

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists offers specific guidance for providers to ask women about their experience of reproductive coercion. Recent clinical guidelines suggest that health care providers caring for women who experience reproductive coercion should offer contraceptive methods that are less susceptible to partner sabotage (e.g., IUD and implant) while counseling women about IPV and safety planning strategies. Ensuring that women can access long-acting and permanent contraceptive methods could help women who experience IPV plan their families.
As Futurity points out, the United Nations said in 2000 that they wanted to achieve “universal access to reproductive health” by 2015. That clearly hasn’t happened. Domestic violence, Maxwell told the publication, could be part of the problem. Lack of contraception, she said, “is detrimental to maternal and child health and to women’s education. To improve both, we should consider partner violence when creating programs designed to improve women’s access to contraception.”

Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

November 15, 2015 at 11:05 am

Is the ‘Successful Psychopath’ a Myth or Reality? / PsyPost

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http://www.psypost.org/2015/10/is-the-successful-psychopath-a-myth-or-reality-38286

Is successful psychopathy an oxymoron? What’s the difference between psychopaths who spend their lives in prison and those who excel in society? These are some of the questions examined in a new study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science.

The study, a scientific status report on early and current research, seeks to define “successful psychopathy” and compare the most common models in use today.

Most research on psychopathy involves studying people who are incarcerated — and these individuals are assumed to be “unsuccessful.”

“Nevertheless, the past decade has witnessed growing interest in an intriguing possibility: Perhaps many psychopathic individuals are thriving in the everyday world, in some cases occupying the higher echelons of selected professions,” wrote Scott Lilienfeld, corresponding author, in the study. “Indeed, [Robert D. Hare] posited that incarcerated psychopaths ‘represent only the tip of a very large iceberg.’”

Definition: What is Successful Psychopathy?

According to Lilienfeld and his colleagues, scientists disagree over how to define success.

“Some emphasize short-term success, whereas others emphasize long-term success; some emphasize the attainment of personal fame and fortune, whereas others emphasize behaviors benefiting society,” said Lilienfeld. “Still others emphasize only the absence of prominent antisocial behavior.”

This fundamental disagreement has led to three distinct models of psychopathy, all of which were examined and compared in this review.

Differential-severity Model

The differential-severity model suggests that psychopathy is a single construct on a spectrum, and that successful and unsuccessful psychopaths only differ in their severity.

This model has not been statistically verified. In fact, a study conducted on 29 participants with psychopathic traits seems to refute it. “Success” was defined by whether or not the participant had been convicted of a crime.

The study found that the scores between the two groups on the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) only differed in specific areas. The unsuccessful psychopaths scored higher on measures of charm and guiltlessness, for example, but lower on other measures.

Moderated-expression Model

This model also suggests that psychopathy is a single construct, but that successful psychopaths also possess some characteristics outside of psychopathy that help them to buffer themselves against poor consequences. Some of these factors might be intelligence or positive parenting.

Several studies lend credibility to this theory, according to the research team. One such study found that successful psychopaths exhibit higher executive functioning and more sensitive responsiveness, and are better at processing information. This study also used incarceration to define “success.”.

Several other studies have linked positive parenting with the inhibition of antisocial behaviors. Though the link has not been proven, several longitudinal studies are in the works to examine it further.

Differential-configuration Model

Unlike the first two models, the differential-configuration model suggests that psychopathy is a combination of several traits and factors. Successful and unsuccessful psychopaths differ in the individual traits they possess. One particular trait that many successful psychopaths may exhibit is fearless dominance.

In one study, scientists surveyed 146 psychologists, lawyers and psychology professors to describe a psychopath they knew who had achieved success. 75 percent of respondents identified colleagues; many of them were distinguished from unsuccessful psychopaths by certain traits, such as extraversion, self-discipline, and a lack of agreeableness.

Lilienfeld and his colleagues concluded: “Although successful psychopathy has long been the province of popular psychology, recent research has begun to shed light on this enigmatic construct.”

While early research has been interesting and thought provoking, more research and a better definition of “successful psychopath” are needed before any strong conclusions can be drawn.

“By attending to these [factors], researchers will hopefully achieve a better understanding of how one person with pronounced psychopathic traits can end up being the prototype of the habitual criminal, whereas another can end up being the prototype for [the successful psychopath],” Lilienfeld said.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

November 3, 2015 at 11:33 pm

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Raise Awareness!

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 8, 2015 at 3:27 am

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