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I am the alienator

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Karen Woodall

I am an alientor. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behaviour patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalising them. I know your behaviour patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.

I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did…

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April 12, 2016 at 8:02 pm

Mother Left Grief-Stricken After Ex Allegedly Forced Her to Hold Infant Twin Daughters While He Killed Them, Then Shot Himself/ people.com

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BY CHRIS HARRIS @chrisharrisment 11/19/2015 AT 03:45 PM EST

http://www.people.com/article/florida-man-kills-self-after-murdering-twin-daughters

Two twin babies were shot and killed in front of their mother last week during a murder-suicide that unfolded in a home in Jacksonville, Florida.

A police spokesman confirms to PEOPLE that the two five-month-old infants, Hayden and Kayden, were both killed on Nov. 13 by their 28-year-old father, Gawain Rushane Wilson.

Police say Wilson entered the home where the twin girls’ mother, 22-year-old Megan Hiatt, lived with her father, Travis. Wilson allegedly shot the babies, Hiatt and her father before eventually taking his own life.

Megan Hiatt, who is a twin herself, was the sole survivor of what police characterized as a “domestic incident.” Police could not confirm she had to have a breast removed as a result of last week’s violence, but did say she was shot five times. She is recovering from her injuries at UF Health Jacksonville.

The police spokesman also refused to comment on numerous media reports claiming Hiatt was forced to hold her two babies as Miller shot them dead.

Hiatt’s mother, Melissa Bateh, told First Coast News in an interview that Wilson wanted to destroy her daughter’s life. “He wanted to destroy her world. He wanted her to watch it be destroyed,” Bateh said, adding that her daughter told her she was forced to hold the infants as Wilson shot them.

” ‘Mama, he killed them. He killed them in my arms. He made me hold them when he killed them. He made me watch,’ ” Bateh recalled. “I knew, I didn’t … I couldn’t imagine someone doing that, holding your own children while someone kills them.”

Police confirm Hiatt and Miller “were a couple at one time,” but say it doesn’t appear the two were “still a couple” at the time of the shooting.

A GoFundMe campaign has been launched to help raise money to pay for the funeral costs for the twins and their grandfather. So far, it has raised nearly $20,000 in donations.

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Settlement in New York Domestic Violence Case May Set Broader Precedent/ NYTimes.com

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http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/19/business/settlement-in-new-york-domestic-violence-case-may-set-broader-precedent.html?_r=2

The New York State attorney general has reached a potentially significant settlement with Bon-Ton Stores, which has more than 200 department stores across the northern part of the country, over a workplace discrimination complaint filed by a victim of domestic violence

The settlement, to be announced on Thursday, stems from an episode in early October at the company’s store in Williamsville, N.Y., a suburb of Buffalo. It requires the company to educate all employees of its New York stores that victims of domestic violence are protected by state law against retaliation and harassment relating to their abuse.

In a possible violation of the law, the Bon-Ton employee was sent home by a manager shortly after revealing that her estranged husband had threatened her life the day before. Under the terms of the settlement, Bon-Ton did not admit any wrongdoing, but agreed to change its policy so that employees in a similar situation are not required to procure a protective order to stay on the job.

“Victims of domestic violence face unspeakable hardships in every aspect of their personal lives,” the attorney general, Eric T. Schneiderman, said in a statement. “Our agreement with Bon-Ton Stores stands as a model for other employers.”

Experts on workplace discrimination hailed the settlement as an important step in protecting victims of domestic violence.

“It has a great value in spreading awareness about the law,” said Amanda Norejko, of Sanctuary for Families, an advocacy group and service provider for survivors of domestic violence. “Employers who are willing to flout the law will be given pause by the fact they know the attorney general’s office is investigating these things.”

Bon-Ton declined to comment on the case or the settlement agreement.

In a variety of studies over the years, victims of domestic violence have reported that the abuse interfered with their job performance and undermined their livelihoods. A significant fraction — as high as around 50 percent in some studies — reported having lost their jobs or being forced to quit at least partly as a result of the situation.

“It’s particularly an issue for workers at the lower end of the income spectrum,” said Maya Raghu, a lawyer with Futures Without Violence, a nonprofit that works to end violence against women and children. “They work shifts, don’t have a lot of control or benefits like paid leave, sick leave to deal with this.”

The law in New York, one of a handful of jurisdictions around the country to have enacted similar measures, prevents employers from firing or otherwise punishing employees on the basis of their having experienced domestic violence.

Unlike a similar New York City law, the state law does not explicitly require employers to make accommodations for employees who have experienced abuse — such as granting time off for medical treatment and to obtain protective orders against their abusers. But some of these steps may be necessary for an employer to demonstrate that it was handling the situation appropriately, experts say.

The episode involving Bon-Ton began on Oct. 9, when Jodi Porter, the employee, turned up for her shift as a saleswoman and informed store security officials that her estranged husband had threatened to kill her.

Ms. Porter said in an interview that, within an hour, the store had developed a safety plan that allowed her to go about her work. But shortly thereafter, the store manager told her to leave the store immediately. She was told to stay home until she checked in with the manager several days later, missing at least one more shift in the meantime.

When she spoke with the manager again, Ms. Porter said, she was told she could not return to work until she received a protective order against her husband, which was not immediately forthcoming because he had fled after a warrant for his arrest was issued. She was given no indication that her leave would be paid.

Ms. Porter contacted a hotline at the attorney general’s office on Oct. 13 regarding an unrelated issue and also mentioned her employment situation, which prompted the investigation. Bon-Ton informed her that it would pay her during the leave after she contacted the attorney general, and she was told she would be able to return to work less than one week after that.

The safety plan the store ultimately put into effect under pressure from the attorney general — including allowing her to park closer to the store, giving her access to a safe room to elude her husband and allowing her to use her cellphone while working in the event of a threat — was essentially the same plan the store proposed at the outset of the incident, Ms. Porter said.

She said that being unable to work created a level of emotional distress above and beyond the uncertainty of not knowing whether she would have a source of income.

“I went there going, everything is fine, everything is fine,” she said. “I was trying to go about my work, just do what I’ve got to do to take my mind off of everything.”

Instead, she added, being sent home “made me feel like a victim all over again. It was like a slap in the face.”

Advocates said one of the company’s key missteps was not having a policy in place to deal with such contingencies, leading to the confusion that surrounded Ms. Porter’s situation.

“You don’t want to have a low-level manager operating off the seat of their pants,” said Penny M. Venetis, the executive vice president and legal director of Legal Momentum, a group that works on a broad range of gender equity issues, include domestic violence.

Ms. Venetis said that sending home a worker who has been threatened by a partner was often the most dangerous response an employer could choose. The employee may be less safe alone at home than at work, and the loss of a livelihood can make abused partners even more dependent on their abusers.

Ms. Porter “acted responsibly for reporting it,” Ms. Venetis said. “The actions Bon-Ton took discourage people from coming forward.”

The law in New York and many other states does not necessarily require that employers always allow victims of violence to return to work, some experts say. There may be instances in which a violent threat is imminent and an employer reasonably concludes that the victim, fellow workers and customers may be safer if the abuse victim takes time off, said Jennifer Schwartz, an employment lawyer at Outten & Golden in California.

But in those instances, it is important for the employer to go out of its way to seek input from the employee in order to get a complete picture of the circumstances, including the employee’s needs.

“We’re not saying employers should become experts on sexual violence, stalking,” Ms. Raghu said. “Just that they should be supportive of people who are victims.”

Correction: November 18, 2015
An earlier version of a picture caption with this article misstated Ms. Porter’s status at Bon-Ton. She is a current employee, not a former one.

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November 20, 2015 at 6:19 am

Study: Women in Abusive Relationships Choose ‘Secret’ Birth Control / Jezebel

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http://jezebel.com/study-women-in-abusive-relationships-choose-secret-bir-1695273076

A new study has found that women in abusive relationships are less likely to use birth control. When they do use contraception, abused women choose more discreet methods — IUDs, injections, or even sterilization — that they don’t have to disclose, and that their partners are unable to refuse, deny to them or sabotage.

The study, authored by four professors at McGill University and published in a journal put out by the Public Library of Science, shows that abuse often has a direct effect on women’s contraception choices. It suggests that medical providers looking to reduce the incidence of STIs and HIV have to ask women about violence in their relationships, and work with them to find a birth control option that’s not subject to interference from their partners.

“When talking to abused women, I had often heard them mention they were opting for contraception methods their male partner could not refuse,” Lauren Maxwell, a PhD student at McGill University, told the research news website Futurity. “I wanted to know whether, across countries, women who experience intimate partner violence are less able to use contraception, which might explain why rates of abortion and HIV transmission are higher among women abused by their partners.” (The World Health Organization says abused women are more likely to contract HIV, for a variety of reasons: rape can increase vaginal trauma and tearing, for one, which opens the door to future HIV infections. Also, as the WHO notes, “violence and fear of violence” can make it hard for women to “negotiate safe sex.”)

The McGill authors looked at studies of abused women in the United States, India, South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Nicaragua. They found, not surprisingly, that women in abusive relationships were much less likely to report having partners who used condoms:

This review indicates that women who experience IPV [intimate partner violence] are less likely to report that their male partners use condoms than women who do not. Future research might examine the impact of harm reduction strategies on the ability of women who experience IPV to use condoms with their male partners. Condom use requires a complex set of negotiations between a woman and her male partner.

The study suggests that medical providers ask about intimate partner violence when discussing birth control options with their patients, something doctors in the United States are already supposed to do:

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists offers specific guidance for providers to ask women about their experience of reproductive coercion. Recent clinical guidelines suggest that health care providers caring for women who experience reproductive coercion should offer contraceptive methods that are less susceptible to partner sabotage (e.g., IUD and implant) while counseling women about IPV and safety planning strategies. Ensuring that women can access long-acting and permanent contraceptive methods could help women who experience IPV plan their families.
As Futurity points out, the United Nations said in 2000 that they wanted to achieve “universal access to reproductive health” by 2015. That clearly hasn’t happened. Domestic violence, Maxwell told the publication, could be part of the problem. Lack of contraception, she said, “is detrimental to maternal and child health and to women’s education. To improve both, we should consider partner violence when creating programs designed to improve women’s access to contraception.”

Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.

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November 15, 2015 at 11:05 am

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder / http://traumadissociation.com/ptsd

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What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder? Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a very common mental health disorder, affecting 8.7% of people during their lifetime. The core symptoms are: re-experiencing the trauma psychologically (flashbacks and nightmares) avoiding reminders of the trauma emotional numbing hyperarousal (irritability, and being jumpy or constantly “on alter”) Who gets PTSD? PTSD is also known as posttraumatic stress syndrome (PTSS) and is not caused by normal, everyday stress. PTSD can occur at any age, it can occur during childhood, adolescence, adulthood and old age.

Posttraumatic stress disorder affects around 5% of men and 10% of women at some point during their life. Up to one in three people who experience a traumatic event develop PTSD as a result. — National Health Service, UK

PTSD causes different people to react in very different ways, and it can be very disabling. “The disturbance, regardless of its trigger, causes clinically significant distress or impairment in the individual’s social interactions, capacity to work or other important areas of functioning.”

Recovery from PTSD Recovery rates vary: the DSM-5 states around 50% of adults with PTSD may recover within 3 months but some people have PTSD for over a year. In some cases, PTSD has continued for over 50 years, for example in Vietnam war veterans and Holocaust survivors. Santiago et al. (2013) reviewed many studies of PTSD, finding that 50% recovered within 2 years.

As the graph shows, a third of people exposed to trauma develop PTSD (33%), and recovery is significantly quicker in people exposed to unintentional trauma, for example natural disasters, life-threatening illness or accidents.

Factors know to hinder recover, or worsen symptoms after trauma include: reminders of the original trauma normal ‘life stressors’, for example unemployment, illness or bereavement new traumatic experiences worsening physical declining health or cognitive function (in older people) social isolation can exacerbate symptoms

What causes PTSD?

Causes of PTSD: 10 common causes

Only a small percentage of people with PTSD are traumatized by combat. source: Spence et al. (2011).

Being female doubles the risk of a person developing PTSD; the reasons for this are not yet understood.

The type of trauma experienced strongly affects the risk of developing PTSD; many studies show that rape causes the highest rates of PTSD, with over 50% of rape survivors affected.

Read more: http://traumadissociation.com/ptsd

Unresolved Trauma

Is the ‘Successful Psychopath’ a Myth or Reality? / PsyPost

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http://www.psypost.org/2015/10/is-the-successful-psychopath-a-myth-or-reality-38286

Is successful psychopathy an oxymoron? What’s the difference between psychopaths who spend their lives in prison and those who excel in society? These are some of the questions examined in a new study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science.

The study, a scientific status report on early and current research, seeks to define “successful psychopathy” and compare the most common models in use today.

Most research on psychopathy involves studying people who are incarcerated — and these individuals are assumed to be “unsuccessful.”

“Nevertheless, the past decade has witnessed growing interest in an intriguing possibility: Perhaps many psychopathic individuals are thriving in the everyday world, in some cases occupying the higher echelons of selected professions,” wrote Scott Lilienfeld, corresponding author, in the study. “Indeed, [Robert D. Hare] posited that incarcerated psychopaths ‘represent only the tip of a very large iceberg.’”

Definition: What is Successful Psychopathy?

According to Lilienfeld and his colleagues, scientists disagree over how to define success.

“Some emphasize short-term success, whereas others emphasize long-term success; some emphasize the attainment of personal fame and fortune, whereas others emphasize behaviors benefiting society,” said Lilienfeld. “Still others emphasize only the absence of prominent antisocial behavior.”

This fundamental disagreement has led to three distinct models of psychopathy, all of which were examined and compared in this review.

Differential-severity Model

The differential-severity model suggests that psychopathy is a single construct on a spectrum, and that successful and unsuccessful psychopaths only differ in their severity.

This model has not been statistically verified. In fact, a study conducted on 29 participants with psychopathic traits seems to refute it. “Success” was defined by whether or not the participant had been convicted of a crime.

The study found that the scores between the two groups on the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) only differed in specific areas. The unsuccessful psychopaths scored higher on measures of charm and guiltlessness, for example, but lower on other measures.

Moderated-expression Model

This model also suggests that psychopathy is a single construct, but that successful psychopaths also possess some characteristics outside of psychopathy that help them to buffer themselves against poor consequences. Some of these factors might be intelligence or positive parenting.

Several studies lend credibility to this theory, according to the research team. One such study found that successful psychopaths exhibit higher executive functioning and more sensitive responsiveness, and are better at processing information. This study also used incarceration to define “success.”.

Several other studies have linked positive parenting with the inhibition of antisocial behaviors. Though the link has not been proven, several longitudinal studies are in the works to examine it further.

Differential-configuration Model

Unlike the first two models, the differential-configuration model suggests that psychopathy is a combination of several traits and factors. Successful and unsuccessful psychopaths differ in the individual traits they possess. One particular trait that many successful psychopaths may exhibit is fearless dominance.

In one study, scientists surveyed 146 psychologists, lawyers and psychology professors to describe a psychopath they knew who had achieved success. 75 percent of respondents identified colleagues; many of them were distinguished from unsuccessful psychopaths by certain traits, such as extraversion, self-discipline, and a lack of agreeableness.

Lilienfeld and his colleagues concluded: “Although successful psychopathy has long been the province of popular psychology, recent research has begun to shed light on this enigmatic construct.”

While early research has been interesting and thought provoking, more research and a better definition of “successful psychopath” are needed before any strong conclusions can be drawn.

“By attending to these [factors], researchers will hopefully achieve a better understanding of how one person with pronounced psychopathic traits can end up being the prototype of the habitual criminal, whereas another can end up being the prototype for [the successful psychopath],” Lilienfeld said.

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November 3, 2015 at 11:33 pm

#SilenceHidesViolence: Woman ‘beaten by boyfriend’ shows powerful pictures of her injuries/ Metro.co.uk

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A creative project by a professional photographer that is raising awareness about Domestic Violence in a very powerful way;

Earlier this week Brooke Beaton called the police to report she’d been assaulted by her boyfriend.

Before her bruises had time to fade, she used them to make her alleged abuser live up to his actions.

Ms Beaton, from South Dakota, enlisted the help of her photographer friend Tiffany Thoelke to create powerful pictures, which put her injuries on full display.

Some of the images show the 27-year-old crying, but she remains defiant and unbroken.

Ms Thoelke, owner of T.S.T Photography, told Metro.co.uk: ‘I hope we can continue to help the thousands if not millions affected by this [domestic violence] every day.

‘We never expected this, it’s a bit overwhelming,’ she added about the reaction to the photographs.

‘It opened a conversation that could go on forever.

‘Where it goes from here, I’m not sure. It’s only been a couple days, but it’s hitting powerful, powerful people that I’m hoping will use this as their platform.’

To read more and to view these powerful images visit the link ( below)

http://metro.co.uk/2015/08/30/silencehidesviolence-domestic-abuse-victim-makes-boyfriend-live-up-to-his-actions-with-powerful-pics-of-injuries-5367384/

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October 9, 2015 at 5:54 am

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