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Archive for the ‘Family abuse’ Category

Girl taken from adoptive family after 8 years Given to Bio Dad- a Convicted Felon

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http://www.today.com/video/today/55197920/#55197920

A Tennessee family is desperately trying to regain custody of the young girl they raised for eight years, after her adoption was vacated and a judge ruled she belongs with her biological father, a convicted felon living hundreds of miles away in Nebraska. NBC’s Sarah Dallof reports.

When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2010 Homicide Data/ US Department of Justice

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The U.S. Department of Justice has found that women are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes committed by intimate partners than men, especially when a weapon is involved. Moreover, women are much more likely to be victimized at home than in any other place.

https://www.vpc.org/studies/wmmw2012.pdf

Amber Alert: 2 Lodi children missing after mother fatally stabbed/ New Jersey News

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http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/new_jersey&id=9533212
LODI (WABC) — An Amber Alert for two children who were taken from a Lodi school Friday after their mother was found fatally stabbed, has been canceled.

Anthony Jordan, 7, and 8-year-old Nicholas Jordan were found safe following a massive search in five states. Police said their father, John Jordan, took them from their elementary school in Lodi and has been arrested.

The boys’ mother, 39-year-old Tracy Jordan was found dead in the home she shared with her two sons on 222 Garibaldi Ave., in Lodi. She had reportedly been trying to divorce the suspect.

Around 5:20 p.m. Friday, Lodi Police officers responded to Tracy Jordan’s home after receiving a call from a concerned family member. Police found her dead with multiple stab wounds, according to a statement from the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office.

Investigators learned that John Jordan, who was estranged from his wife, had picked the two boys up at Wilson School under false pretenses, the statement said. He traveled in the victim’s car to South Carolina where, according to the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office, he has relatives.

He was arrested around 12:45 a.m. Saturday when he arrived at a family member’s home in Greenville. The children were found safe in the car. Jordan has been charged with murder and he will be extradited to New Jersey.

In Lodi, Ralph Dejulia, the victim’s boyfriend, said Friday night that he grew worried when Tracy Jordan didn’t pick up her phone all day.

“This has happened in the past  he [John Jordan] was abusive toward her, and it came to this,” said Dejulia.

The Lodi Police Department, as well as the Bergen County Sheriff and prosecutor’s offices, were part of the investigation.

New Jersey State Police have canceled additional Amber Alerts in Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Choosing Civility in a Rude Culture/ By David Zax

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“We are facing a crisis. There is a growing consensus that the situation is dire—and looking bleaker every day. Almost everyone has contributed to the problem, and everyone is a victim of it.

This catastrophe? The “coarsening of America,” as our pandemic of rudeness has been called. And if it seems alarmist to speak of rudeness in catastrophic terms, consider some of the arguments advanced by those who do: that incivility costs the nation more than $100 billion a year in accidents on the road, that billions more are lost to diminished productivity at work, and that many acts of violence have their origins in acts of rudeness. And beyond the physical damage, they say, there is reason to believe that rampant incivility is damaging to the soul. Humans are deeply social creatures, after all, so it seems logical that good social relations should improve our lives.

Armed with such logic, a coalition of the hopeful is trying to buck the rude trend, even to reverse it. They are fighting, you might say, a civil war, and if they succeed, then perhaps someday decades hence schoolchildren on field trips will crowd at the foot of a bronze statue of Pier M. Forni, professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University, who will be remembered as one of the greatest generals in our nation’s struggle for civility.”

….”He cites studies showing that, more generally, volunteer work can induce a feeling some have termed the “helper’s high”—like the “runner’s high,” a period of elation followed by tranquility. “Kindness,” he said, “is very good for the kind.”

Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/choosing-civility-in-a-rude-culture-97997109/#DuC00ojepO2kayeq.99
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Unfit Parents

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Caught Between Parents Supporting children through the challenges of divorce by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.

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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/caught-between-parents/201105/word-mothers-you-can-lose-your-children-parental-alienation

As mother’s day approaches I want to take a moment to unequivocally state that yes mothers even good mothers can lose their children to parental alienation. One common myth that seems to be “out there” in the world is that parental alienation is something that only happens to fathers and that mothers, because they tend to have residential custody and because (the theory goes) the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. While no one has data about the exact gender break down, I can say that without a doubt some mothers do and have been victimized in this way. I believe that part of why this is not talked about as much as fathers’ experiences of parental alienation is that mothers who do lose their kids this way are overcome with shame and humiliation and tend to not want to go public with their story. In my conversations with targeted mothers a common theme is that they perceive other people as thinking that they must have done something wrong for their child to reject them. Many stay silent for this reason, to avoid being blamed and shamed. Another complicating factor is that many women’s rights group denounce the existence of parental alienation, claiming that it is a fabricated problem designed to hurt mothers. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. It is time for targeted mothers to go public and be open about their experience, and make it clear that it is possible to be both a feminist and a victim of parental alienation. I strongly believe that the more people talk about this problem, the more likely it is that it can be prevented and treated. Too often custody cases get bogged down in whether the problem is real rather than focusing on how to resolve the alienation and help heal parent child relationships. In my experience an alienating parent needs three things: (1) motive to undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent, (2) access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. These are not the sole purview of either gender.

On father’s day I will certainly acknowledge the risks and concerns that they contend with concerning parental alienation. In the meantime, I encourage all parents (mothers and fathers) to become educated about parental alienation, to help create awareness in their community, and to work towards improving prevention, intervention, and treatment of this terrible form of child abuse.

Portrait of an Emotional Abuser: The Silent Treatment Abuser/ Dr. Gregory Jantz’s Blog

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” By not verbally expressing that anger, by “avoiding” showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser.” Dr. Gregory Jantz

Sylvia entered the quiet house. When she had pulled up in the driveway after work, she hadn’t seen any lights on in the

front of the house, but Jim’s car was parked in its normal place. So he was home. It meant he was in the den at the back of the house instead of in the living room. What have I done now? she thought to herself?

Jim always retreated to the den when he was mad at her. The more she bothered him and tried to find out what was wrong, the longer he would stay inside, not speaking to her. It was best if she just went about her business in the house as quietly as possible, trying to stay out of his way and waiting for him to either snap out of it or blow up and tell her what she had done wrong. She couldn’t force him to respond, and over the years she had gotten used to his behavior.

No discussion of emotional abuse through words would be complete without including the absence of words as a form of abuse. This is commonly known as the “silent treatment.” Abusers punish their victims by refusing to speak to them or even acknowledge their presence. Through silence, the abusers loudly communicate their displeasure, anger, frustration, or disappointment.

Depending on the person, this silent treatment can last for hours, days, or weeks. For some abusers, it is a preferred method of communication because of its ability to humiliate and control the victim. It is used most effectively by those in close relationship, such as a spouse, parent, or child. The silence, the loss of verbal relationship, is meant to exact an emotional toll on the other person, who often will go to great lengths to attempt to restore communication with the abuser.

This level of control is precisely what the abuser is looking for, as well as a way to vent his or her anger at the other person.

By not verbally expressing that anger, by “avoiding” showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser. If the victim responds to the silent treatment with anger, the abuser is doubly vindicated.

The above is excerpted from chapter 4 in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz.

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