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Tatyana Brown- “Gaslit”/everydayfeminism

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How Gaslighting Is Abuse That Stays with You Like a Terrifying Hurricane

 

 

Taking its name from the 1944 film The Gaslight,

gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information

is continuously presented to a survivor in order to make them doubt their memory, perception, and sanity

You know you’ve really got it bad when decades later,

shadows in your apartment flicker after the sky is baptized in lightning,

and you hear his voice instead of thunder telling you, “There is no storm”

You don’t need to close the windows

That is not water pouring in sheets onto the rooftops,

flooding your bedroom until the mattress weeps under your weight

It’s just an accident

Probably you did it, little girl

Why are you making such a scene?

It’s a quiet night, a leaky bathtub upstairs,

there is nothing to protect yourself or anyone else from, darling

Everyone is happy

Maybe you should try it

Are you trying hard enough to have some better, more attractive feelings?

Show me your winner’s smile

No, not like that, all bare teeth

Close your mouth, and pull until it stings

Who’s going to love that gap, yeah?

Who do you think you’re fooling with all this sky is falling bullshit?

Nobody cares

It’s a party, and the sad girl in the darkened room stays sad her whole life

Her bottomless sorrow transforms all of the beautiful people into monsters,

or else just makes them leave

She only has herself to blame

It goes on like this for hours

Even though you know it’s raining, it’s a hurricane

The walls are peeling from their studs

The floor is floating in the flood

You live on a raft now, tearing itself apart as it is being sucked out to see

You find yourself apologizing to a voice no one else can hear

I’m sorry for this act of God we’re living through

Sorry about this flesh wound I keep walking around with, staining all your furniture

I’m sorry I can’t seem to start crying

You know, I guess somebody died, and it’s stupid

I realize, but not over it

I guess maybe something happened that gutted me

like a carp you hack apart to catch worthier fish

I guess I haven’t slept in months because silly me,

the roof tore off,

and I have swallowed so much rain lying on my back

Taking it

I’m sorry

You probably don’t mean to hear this messy grief girl who can’t keep her mouth shut

It’s just the way it always is, yeah? My fault.

You know it’s bad when you can’t actually remember what he sounds like

The only version of his voice is rooms away, roaring between the book shelves

as he pulls them crashing to the floor,

and you wonder how it is that he still lives here

How every creak and rumble in your new apartment belongs to him somehow

How you keep waking up feeling guilty for being lazy and such a mess, even at 7 AM

Your books still in their boxes, you realize, it isn’t him you’re hearing,

but the muscle memory of what he made you feel

It’s not so bad. It’s not so bad. You’ve got to get up, and get over it

Are you sure you even remember it right?

It’s your hand on the light switch now, flickering, and cursing your eyes for their perfect sight

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

April 15, 2016 at 9:31 pm

35 Men Show Us What Real Men’s Activists Look Like

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This post was originally posted in Identities.MIC ( link below)
Thank you to our own Man Up For Moms administrator Greg Sanders for bringing this powerful article to our attention.

men_feminist_main

http://mic.com/articles/90079/35-men-show-us-what-real-men-s-activists-look-like

The shootings in Isla Vista, Calif., sent chills down the backs of countless Americans over Memorial Day weekend. Although this isn’t the first mass shooting that has semblances of misogyny (in fact, a great many do), the 140-page manifesto of pure hatred against women and the YouTube video detailing Elliot Rodger’s plans to slaughter “blond sluts” was a gruesome wake-up call for all of us.

How could an educated and privileged 22-year-old still believe that women should be in “concentration camps,” stop having control over procreation and deserve to be killed because they have sexual agency?

But while Rodger’s ideology may have been extreme, it was also frighteningly familiar. The way that we talk about women and the entitlement others have over their bodies is nothing new.

Whether it’s in the way that women are blamed for their sexual harassment (grow a thicker skin, don’t walk around wearing that), their rape (don’t drink, keep your carry keys in your hands, don’t stay out late) or their family planning outcomes (control your libido), there is nothing like the female body to bring out misogynistic entitlement at its worst.

Indeed, the shooting is not an isolated act of violence. The beliefs that motivated the gunman are rampant — and much more widely accepted then many would believe. In our culture, misogyny isn’t the exception, it’s still the rule.

In the wake of the tragedy, the hashtag #YesAllWomen quickly became a safe space of support and solidarity, a platform to share stories and fight back against the types of comments that too many women have encountered in their life. It also became a space for women to explain that entitlement of men over women has got to stop — sexism has got to stop — because it is literally killing us.

Ultimately, the #YesAllWomen rallying cry reached more than 1 million tweets in the days since the tragedy, outlasting even Kim Kardashian’s wedding on Sunday. But women are not the only ones frustrated by our society’s institutionalized misogyny. So many men, too, reported feeling disgusted by the attitudes of the shooter and his alleged peers, the “men’s rights activists” that not only influenced Rodger, but publicly predicted more violence if men aren’t given what they want.

Men deserve their own space to talk back to these “activists.” Here is just a small part of that response, but you can find more responses or post your own on the hashtag #AllMenCan, because all men can have respect for women without ever becoming less of a man.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 30, 2014 at 9:04 am

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