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Violence against women—it’s a men’s issue: Jackson Katz at TED/PMA INTL. Man UP for Moms ( M.U.M)

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What Does The Quote That “58,000 Children Are Sent to Live With Abusers Every Year” Mean? / E.J Perth U.S.A Regional Director , Healing and Prayer Administrator- PMA International

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By E.J Perth

What does the quote that “58,000 children are sent to live with abusers every year” mean?

Actual Quote: “According to a conservative estimate by experts at the Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence (LC), more than 58,000 children a year are ordered into unsupervised contact with physically or sexually abusive parents following divorce in the United States. This is over twice the yearly rate of new cases of childhood cancer.”

This number is an estimate, the link below explains how the LC came to that number in 2008. I have not seen current numbers.

CONTACT is explained as ,”This number includes BOTH those who are left in the sole care of an abuser and those who are required to have unsupervised visits.

“The LC admits they used estimates because there was a lack of information in certain areas.

The LCl says courts often fail to detect family violence so children’s lives are put into danger, “Once placed with an abusive parent or forced to visit, children will continue to be exposed to parental violence and abuse until they reach 18. Thus, we estimate that half a million children will be affected in the US at any point of time. Many of these children will suffer physical and psychological damage which may take a lifetime to heal.”
Link: http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/med/PR3.html

WE NEED UPDATED studies and evaluations to get current information, and be able to analyze trends in family courts, and what its failures are today. Updated info will also help determine how interventions in family court are working.

Common Responses After Losing a Child (for Protective Moms)/ E. J Perth PMA INTL. USA Regional Director, Healing & Prayer Network Administrator

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A list of common responses/reactions after losing a child in a family court proceeding

I feel it is important to distinguish the loss and being related to family court proceedings because often times the process involves factors that re-traumatize the family and prolong any possibility of stabilizing the family. In essence, there is a distinct type of grief that follows losing a child due to unjust proceedings that villify a parent trying to protect their children.

Mothers who loose their children in family court proceedings often experience (and report):

* Character assassination and/or emotional abuse of the mother (who may be labelled as having “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or “Malicious Mom Syndrome”)

* Minimizing past abuse and its affects/Minimizing the current danger

* Legal proceedings that deny a mother of her legal rights

* Feeling threatened or coerced by court personnel

*Expensive legal or court costs, often resulting in severe financial hardship (I have heard of mothers losing their home and being forced to work several jobs, in which their contact with their children becomes even more limited)

* Re-traumatization

* Inability to protect children combined with valid concerns the children may still be in danger

* Children forcibly removed from the home (a majority of these mothers were primary caregivers)

* Mothers denied contact with children–these children are oftn abruptly, and without warning removed from their homes, their community, their friends and any connection to the mother

* Mothers being compelled into supervised visitation to see children, and may be exposed to other abusers (I have actually heard of a woman who took the bus to supervised visitation, and was stalked by an alleged abuser when leaving the premisis)

* Inability to get help or support for herself. Mothers may have their medical and psychological records subpoened by the court and/or their abuser, in which she degraded or labelled based on the findings and then forced to “prove” she is a fit mother. Mothers may also become isolated because they feel others do not understand their situation. It is common for people to feel overwhelmed hearing these stories and then to be unable to provide support. The financial depletion caused by family court may also limit a woman’s ability to seek help. Not to mention the woman may be so overwhelmed that she does not have the energy to get the help she may need.

* DV by Proxy ; the abuser manipulating the children, or using them in ways to hurt, intimidate or harass the mother (Ie using children to send messages to the mother, telling the children false information about the mother, threatening to harm the children, threatening to take the children, etc..)

Mothers who loose their children in this way often experience:

* Physical Illness (including but not limited to headaches, ulcers, vomiting, fatigue and exhaustion)

* Anxiety/Panic Attacks

* Depression

* Guilt/Shame/ Self-Blame, particularly around issues that they failed or could not protect their children

* Flashbacks (The court proceedings may trigger memories of abuse, or legitimate fears)

* Binge Eating and/or Lack of Appetite, Nausea

* Insomnia

* Shock (A combination of all these factors, feeling numb, unable to perform daily tasks, feeling as if she is living in a fog, lack of memory/concentration, tremors/trembling, hot flashes etc)

* A surge of emotion/adrenaline

* Hyperventilating

* Post Traumatic Stress

* Avoidance (Especially around areas that remind them of their children. It would be common to even avoid social places and friends)

* Withdrawl

* Anger

* Fear

* Fits of Crying — There are often triggers. (When I lost my child, I remember avoiding the grocery store because I would pass my child’s favorite treats, think of my child, and start to cry. It got to the point where I could not even remember what I wanted in the grocery store because I was so upset.)

* Memory Loss/Concentration Difficulties

THIS DOES NOT MEAN THE MOTHER IS MENTALLY ILL OR UNSTABLE, these are typical responses to the loss of a child in combination with the extreme stress of being involved in family court proceedings that are perceived as unjust, and which a mother has no control over. It takes time to work through the grief and emotions of losing your child, and being involved in family court proceedings–these response may emerge and change as the mother processes what has happened.

I found it helpful to be part of a domestic violence group, hosted by a battered women’s shelter. The group is confidential and does not keep records. I was able to talk with other women and learn tools on how to cope, and rebuild my life. There is hope–Stay strong.

Blessings ~ EJ Perth, PMA Intl.USA Regional Director, Healing & Prayer Network Administrator

If you have anything to add to this list, please add a comment. Please keep remain respectful. Any derogatory language will be deleted. Remember PMA is a NO ABUSE ZONE! Thank you for keep it friendly 🙂

To All Protective Mothers, Much Love From PMA International

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Man Who Raped 10 year old and Girl Murdered Her Mother Sentenced To Life In Prison/ Opposing View

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images-12http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/man-who-raped-10-year-old-girl-murdered-her-mother-sentenced-life-prison

By Kathryn Schroeder, Sat, May 17, 2014
David Renz, 30, who pled guilty to raping a 10-year-old girl and killing her mother, has been sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

On March 14, 2013, Renz carjacked Lori Bresnahan, 47, and her then 10-year-old daughter in the Syracuse suburb of Clay after they left a gymnastics class. Renz used an air pistol to force the woman to drive her car to a remote area of the mall’s parking lot. He then bound the two and raped the young girl.

Bresnahan fought back against Renz, and urged her daughter to run. Renz stabbed and strangled Bresnahan to death, but her daughter was saved by a passerby in the parking lot.

As Renz fled the scene, police found him in nearby woods.

Renz read a statement in court last July stating he did not “fully understand” why he attacked the mother and child.

“I’m truly sorry for my actions and I am prepared to accept the consequences for them,” Renz said. “I hope that by pleading guilty, I will be able to bring closure for the victim and her family.”

The NY Daily News reports Judge Thomas Miller’s strong words towards Renz while handing out his sentence.

“One day, you will face another judge,” Miller told Renz during the court hearing. “One day when you pass from this earth, another judge will impose a harsher sentence for the absolute evil you committed.”

At the time of the attack, Renz was under federal monitoring on child pornography charges. He had cut off his GPS tracking bracelet from his ankle and reconnected it before a notification was sent to probation officers. Renz was then believed to have still been at his mother’s home at the time of the rape and murder.

The federal probation officers who were monitoring Renz failed to complete monthly checks that would have included inspecting the ankle monitoring device, reports CBS News. The officers on the case were fired or demoted as a result.

Renz was also sentenced to 30 years in prison earlier this year on the child pornography charges, reports the Huffington Post. He possessed more than 11,000 images and 1,100 videos of child pornography.

The federal government did not pursue the death penalty in Renz’s case, and New York has no death penalty.

– See more at: http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/man-who-raped-10-year-old-girl-murdered-her-mother-sentenced-life-prison#sthash.dKjFnJ64.dpuf

Amber Alert: 2 Lodi children missing after mother fatally stabbed/ New Jersey News

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PMA supporter/member

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/new_jersey&id=9533212
LODI (WABC) — An Amber Alert for two children who were taken from a Lodi school Friday after their mother was found fatally stabbed, has been canceled.

Anthony Jordan, 7, and 8-year-old Nicholas Jordan were found safe following a massive search in five states. Police said their father, John Jordan, took them from their elementary school in Lodi and has been arrested.

The boys’ mother, 39-year-old Tracy Jordan was found dead in the home she shared with her two sons on 222 Garibaldi Ave., in Lodi. She had reportedly been trying to divorce the suspect.

Around 5:20 p.m. Friday, Lodi Police officers responded to Tracy Jordan’s home after receiving a call from a concerned family member. Police found her dead with multiple stab wounds, according to a statement from the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office.

Investigators learned that John Jordan, who was estranged from his wife, had picked the two boys up at Wilson School under false pretenses, the statement said. He traveled in the victim’s car to South Carolina where, according to the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office, he has relatives.

He was arrested around 12:45 a.m. Saturday when he arrived at a family member’s home in Greenville. The children were found safe in the car. Jordan has been charged with murder and he will be extradited to New Jersey.

In Lodi, Ralph Dejulia, the victim’s boyfriend, said Friday night that he grew worried when Tracy Jordan didn’t pick up her phone all day.

“This has happened in the past  he [John Jordan] was abusive toward her, and it came to this,” said Dejulia.

The Lodi Police Department, as well as the Bergen County Sheriff and prosecutor’s offices, were part of the investigation.

New Jersey State Police have canceled additional Amber Alerts in Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

MIGHTY/ Lisa-joe Baker

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There are those who say that this is ordinary. But don’t let that fool you. “Mother” will always be the bravest, least ordinary, most difficult and utterly challenging career that anyone ever hopes to lay claim to.
While others might hear, “diaper-changer, food-maker, car-pooler, bottle-washer, laundry-doer, sweat pants-wearer, life-on-hold” wanna be doing anything else woman, the Truth, whether it feels like it some days or not, is that you are in fact a shelter from the storm.
You are a Cape of Good Hope.
You are a warrior who will battle for your children’s hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories.
Go to battle my friends. This is your time.
We will hold strong on either side of you. We will pray over those bottles, through the dark watches of the night, when doubt comes and children break, when adults fail them, when they push and push as hard against us as that day we delivered them into the world we. will. not. be broken.
We may ache and see cracks tear through our hearts, but we will get up again tomorrow and load the clothes and the words that need to be said. Again and again and again.
And when the world tries to claw at them, to break them, to smash the beauty in them, may our walls hold true. May the lessons we’ve told, the truths we’ve lived, the life we’ve spoken into them come back easily, predictably, with wash and repeat ease.
Kingdom business. Jesus work. This shaping of souls. This raising tiny humans.
There are those that say that this is ordinary. Don’t buy that for a second.
Mighty. You are mighty, because you mother.

– See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/10/you-are-mighty-because-you-mother/#sthash.1XmfG1em.dpuf

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !

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This is for all the Protective Mothers with empty arms and hurting hearts who are missing their children every second of every day, but who are deeply hurting this weekend- Mothers Day weekend. Know that no matter what, you ARE your children’s mother. No one -and certainly no court- can take away this God-given role in your children’s lives. Please know this in your heart. PMA INTL. celebrates you, Protective Mom, and deeply understands the unconditional love and heroic sacrifices you have made to protect your children from abuse and harm. You are modern day heroes, and PMA INTL strongly believes that you will go down in history as such. PMA INTL loves and supports you and your precious children now and forever. You are always in are hearts. Happy Mothers Day!

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Choosing Civility in a Rude Culture/ By David Zax

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“We are facing a crisis. There is a growing consensus that the situation is dire—and looking bleaker every day. Almost everyone has contributed to the problem, and everyone is a victim of it.

This catastrophe? The “coarsening of America,” as our pandemic of rudeness has been called. And if it seems alarmist to speak of rudeness in catastrophic terms, consider some of the arguments advanced by those who do: that incivility costs the nation more than $100 billion a year in accidents on the road, that billions more are lost to diminished productivity at work, and that many acts of violence have their origins in acts of rudeness. And beyond the physical damage, they say, there is reason to believe that rampant incivility is damaging to the soul. Humans are deeply social creatures, after all, so it seems logical that good social relations should improve our lives.

Armed with such logic, a coalition of the hopeful is trying to buck the rude trend, even to reverse it. They are fighting, you might say, a civil war, and if they succeed, then perhaps someday decades hence schoolchildren on field trips will crowd at the foot of a bronze statue of Pier M. Forni, professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University, who will be remembered as one of the greatest generals in our nation’s struggle for civility.”

….”He cites studies showing that, more generally, volunteer work can induce a feeling some have termed the “helper’s high”—like the “runner’s high,” a period of elation followed by tranquility. “Kindness,” he said, “is very good for the kind.”

Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/choosing-civility-in-a-rude-culture-97997109/#DuC00ojepO2kayeq.99
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