Archive for the ‘manipulation’ Category
“The mother has to comply with a court order and send her child to be alone with an abusive, violent man.
This is torture for her, and for the child, when they find themselves in a frightening situation, taken from their protector and forced into contact with a man, whom they may have witnessed seeing him beat their mother or who has been abusive to them.
This is abuse by Family Court.”
“Domestic Abuse by Proxy, Family Court Abuse: Failing to Protect Children and Mothers” is a powerful and informative video released on Youtube by Family Court Abuse (UK).
This video describes how abusive ex partners will use the family court system, and manipulate the legal process, to gain control, and inflict further harm of their victims. Abusers also seek custody to cause the most damage to a former partner; by attacking her love, and maternal bond, with her child. An abuser attacks by taking a child away from their mother, and destroying their relationship. Children are also used as pawns by an abuser in other ways designed to terrorize, hurt and harass their victim.
The legal system is a minefield for an abused woman.The process of how the family court system can perpetrate and enable domestic violence to continue is also described in this video. Family court judges and professionals often lack training in domestic violence, and do not recognize the abuse. Or, the judge and professionals have been so indoctrinated in parental alienation theories, and other prejudices, that they mistake signs of abuse for parental alienation syndrome and discredit legitimate concerns. Or see the mother’s attempts to get help as a sign that something is “wrong” with her. Domestic abuse advocates and experts are rarely consulted by the court system, and a judge has the discretion to disallow or ignore evidence presented by a mother (evidence of abuse, and expert testimony is commonly discredited by judges after a mother has been falsely labelled). Obtaining legal representation is also difficult, most women go to court without an attorney because they can not afford one. An abuser with an attorney has a powerful advantage over her, and gains an ally in the legal system.
The lives of children are also endangered when Courts work to give an identified abuse custody and/or unsupervised visits. The video mentions that the Courts order “more contact than would be usual, to enable the child and father to ‘quickly establish a relationship’“. This means there is less scrutiny, and less care given to how these decisions are being made, and the effect on the child involved.
This video will be familiar to those who have experienced family court, and offers validation to what you have endured. It is also a powerful teaching tool to educate, and raise awareness, of how the family court process fails to protect victims of domestic violence and their children.
Note: The end of the video offers suggestions on how to raise awareness of family court injustices by using social media as a platform. PMA International does not offer legal advice or professional services. Reposting this video does not constitute advice or suggestion of any kind. Please use discretion, and take reasonable care, when making decisions. If you need help or legal assistance, please contact a qualified professional and/or organization.
Taking its name from the 1944 film The Gaslight,
gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information
is continuously presented to a survivor in order to make them doubt their memory, perception, and sanity
You know you’ve really got it bad when decades later,
shadows in your apartment flicker after the sky is baptized in lightning,
and you hear his voice instead of thunder telling you, “There is no storm”
You don’t need to close the windows
That is not water pouring in sheets onto the rooftops,
flooding your bedroom until the mattress weeps under your weight
It’s just an accident
Probably you did it, little girl
Why are you making such a scene?
It’s a quiet night, a leaky bathtub upstairs,
there is nothing to protect yourself or anyone else from, darling
Everyone is happy
Maybe you should try it
Are you trying hard enough to have some better, more attractive feelings?
Show me your winner’s smile
No, not like that, all bare teeth
Close your mouth, and pull until it stings
Who’s going to love that gap, yeah?
Who do you think you’re fooling with all this sky is falling bullshit?
It’s a party, and the sad girl in the darkened room stays sad her whole life
Her bottomless sorrow transforms all of the beautiful people into monsters,
or else just makes them leave
She only has herself to blame
It goes on like this for hours
Even though you know it’s raining, it’s a hurricane
The walls are peeling from their studs
The floor is floating in the flood
You live on a raft now, tearing itself apart as it is being sucked out to see
You find yourself apologizing to a voice no one else can hear
I’m sorry for this act of God we’re living through
Sorry about this flesh wound I keep walking around with, staining all your furniture
I’m sorry I can’t seem to start crying
You know, I guess somebody died, and it’s stupid
I realize, but not over it
I guess maybe something happened that gutted me
like a carp you hack apart to catch worthier fish
I guess I haven’t slept in months because silly me,
the roof tore off,
and I have swallowed so much rain lying on my back
You probably don’t mean to hear this messy grief girl who can’t keep her mouth shut
It’s just the way it always is, yeah? My fault.
You know it’s bad when you can’t actually remember what he sounds like
The only version of his voice is rooms away, roaring between the book shelves
as he pulls them crashing to the floor,
and you wonder how it is that he still lives here
How every creak and rumble in your new apartment belongs to him somehow
How you keep waking up feeling guilty for being lazy and such a mess, even at 7 AM
Your books still in their boxes, you realize, it isn’t him you’re hearing,
but the muscle memory of what he made you feel
It’s not so bad. It’s not so bad. You’ve got to get up, and get over it
Are you sure you even remember it right?
It’s your hand on the light switch now, flickering, and cursing your eyes for their perfect sight
A Must See!
This wonderful articulate young lady explains in detail some of the manipulations used by her Dad and his second wife to keep her from her mom after her parents’ divorce. She also explains how this made her feel and how she was able to realize the manipulations and lies, admitting some children ” buy into the lies”. She also gives great advice stating ” a REAL parent would make sure the kids would keep in contact with the parent”
A must see for all parents and professionals involved in family court. Also for the child victims of DV by Proxy who sadly, bought into the lies.