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Archive for the ‘Narcissists’ Category

Narcissism Why you were the target and why you were so special

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The Narcissists Secret Weapon-Know Your Enemy/ Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach

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Narcissists use particular communications styles to keep people stuck. Narcissists are usually very charming and attentive when you first meet them, but when they feel they have gained your trust, that is when they remove their sheep’s clothing, and you begin to feel like you’ve been duped.

In this video you will learn how to arm yourself against your narcissistic husband, narcissistic wife, narcissistic mother and or narcissistic friend. It is important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some narcissists are more benign of malignant than others. It is important that we all learn to discern one from the other.

In this video you will learn practical tools to use when dealing with a benign narcissist, and you will also gain insight to how our society has helped create the illusions that support our false premises about self, that keep us stuck in unhealthy relationships.

Signs and Traits of Narcissists, Crazymakers, Emotional Manipulators, Unsafe People/ Think Like A Black Belt

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http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/signs-and-traits-of-emotional-predators/

Do you know the tell-tale traits of narcissists, crazy makers, emotional manipulators, controlling predators, and other unsafe people?

Well now you can! Here is my ULTIMATE, BEST, MOST COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF TRAITS OF NARCISSISTS (and other unsafe people like them):

SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
Narcissists easily shift blame

✦ A sense of superiority places them above others
✦ Must be the center of attention, constantly seeking approval, acknowledgment, kudos, accolades, praise
✦ Act like they are the lead character in all things in life
✦ Dominate conversations because they believe they have the only worthwhile things to say
✦ Want others to give into their demands, request for favors, and put their needs first
✦ Have inflated egos, inflated sense of entitlement, inflated sense of importance, inflated need to be center stage
✦ Envious of other people’s accomplishments and will steal, lie, or sabotage others to get attention back to them
✦ Envious of other people’s possessions, they will put such ownership down or minimize it to make themselves look more noble
✦ Search for constant approval and praise to reinforce their false grandiose sense of self, they’re “on- stage,” dominating the conversation, often exaggerating their importance
✦ (Since the self is so fragile — an ever crumbling construction of their ego) — use power, money, status, looks, supposed past glories (or supposed future glories) to boost their image
✦ See criticism as baseless attacks or betrayal and countered with cold-shoulder anger or rage or chilly stares or verbal attack.
✦ Can never accept blame. Others are always to blame.
✦ Feel being center of attention is good, right, and proper
✦ Have a grandiose sense of self-importance
✦ Think they are special, God-touched, or privileged
✦ Think they can only be understood by other special or high-status people
✦ Have unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment
✦ Believe they are beyond the rules. Laws do not apply to them and remorse is only felt when someone catches and confronts them.

“However they are upset over any inconveniences they suffer as a result of being busted. They believe they have the right to do what ever it takes to get short term gratification without suffering any consequences.” ~Lynne Namka

TYPICAL WAYS OPERATING OR REACTIONS (blaming, drama storms, etc.)

✦ High maintenance because they need your attention, praise, and deference
✦ Fake sweetness, honor, and good intentions, but deprive them of something they want and look out as they reveal their true selves.
✦ Express grand, exciting plans, but rarely can make them happen
✦ Blame others rather than take personal responsibility
✦ Lack of empathy colors everything they do.
✦ May say, “How are you?” when you meet, but they are not interested
✦ Their blame-shifting creates defensiveness. Then they belittle the defensiveness: “Why are you so angry?”
✦ Since they shift blame so well & seamlessly, your guilt/insecurity issues stay raw and over-sensitive.
✦ Lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut off at the knees to keep you indebted & coming back.

Need some Narcissist Kryptonite?
The Narcissist — A User’s Guide

✦ If you point out an error they made, they go into defensive mode counter any such notion with anger, venting, rage, cold-shoulder, or withdraw
✦ Give you a metaphorical rug & then keep pulling it out from under you
✦ They are: blowhards, braggarts, blusterers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, and ultimately bogus.
✦ Help you gain certain skills/info/connections, but then forever make you feel beholden to them.
✦ Extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval.
✦ Make you feel special & then emotional distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.
✦ Use a judgmental “you’re OK”/”you’re not OK” yo-yoing to keep you off-balance & “blameworthy.”
✦ Groom people via manipulation (charm/rage combo) to sell their reality/rationalizations to others.
✦ Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority.
✦ Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
✦ Expect others to do mundane things, since they feel too important to do them
✦ Constantly use of “I”, “me,” and “my” when they talk.
✦ Very rarely talk about their inner life, memories and dreams, for example.
✦ Lie, using subterfuge and deception as tools
✦ Are stuck in one level of maturity where growth is not an option
✦ Only have eyes for “me, myself, and I” instead of “we”
✦ Don’t understand empathy, except to fake it as a tool
✦ Play “Give to get” by being nice or helpful only to expect reciprocation
✦ Put on the air of “having it all together” and will not readily admit failure or weakness
✦ Jump to defensive mode readily and frequently
✦ May apologize, but it doesn’t mean a real change in behavior
✦ Run from their own problems rather than tackling them
✦ Demand your trust rather than being transparent and earning it
✦ See you as extensions of themselves and resist your freedom
✦ Create stories, euphemisms, sayings, definitions, rules they hold up as Truth. Their world is false.
✦ Must talk about themselves & be in control. They want you to just be an ego-stroking entity for them.
✦ Find personality weaknesses & exploit them as easily as you & I ride a bicycle.
✦ Will rarely listen to or respect your “No”
✦ Take advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
✦ Appear tough-minded or unemotional
✦ React to criticism with anger, blame-shifting, shaming or humiliating others
✦ Fail to recognize people’s emotions and feelings
✦ Exaggerate achievements, personal history or talents
✦ Are unpredictable in mood and behavior
✦ Become aggressive, hostile, verbally vicious, or withdraws when threatened
✦ Can vocalize regret for a short time when found out, but soon rationalizes it away
✦ Appearance is important, so primping or fastidiousness is common
✦ Withdraw or a cold shoulder is used as a tool to make you do what they want
✦ Rationalize everything to make sure they always come out on top
✦ Will steal an idea, quote, lesson plan, piece of wisdom — call it their own
✦ Groom underlings and create organizational or business environments to suit their need for ego stroking

“Crazymakers thrive on drama, and melodrama requires a sense of impending doom. Everything is an emergency, a deadline, a matter of life and death, or something they will get to eventually. Read ‘never’ … Nearly any situation can be cast as melodrama to support a crazymaker’s plot lines …

“A crazymaker is someone who makes you crazy by constantly stirring up storms.
“‘Normal’ doesn’t serve their need for power.
“Everything is always their problem, but nothing is their fault.”
SOURCE: “The Artist’s Way at Work – Riding the Dragon. Twelve Weeks to Creative Freedom” by Mark Bryan, with Julia Cameron and Catherine Allen

WORKPLACE NARCISSISTS

✦ Create Employment Hemorrhage — narcissists drive people away with inconsistent, raging, and arrogant actions.
✦ Tend to be a lot of talk — fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
✦ Can suck up to bosses while talking down to those they think inferior
✦ Expect others to go along with them because their plans are better or special
✦ Expect constant praise and attention
✦ When work or plans fail, will blame others and make it sound plausible
✦ Will take advantage of co-workers
✦ Will be jealous of others’ success but wear a face of confidence
✦ Play the “If you don’t like it I’m taking my ball and going home” game
✦ Exaggerate abilities and uses blame-shifting to cover deficits
✦ Can’t understand “There is no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM’.”
✦ Often argumentative, but arguments are convoluted, emotional, irrational

The following tips on narcissistic behavior come from The Winning Teams website:
✦ They feel that the rules at work don’t apply to them.
✦ They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
✦ If you share workload with them, expect to do the lion’s share yourself.
✦ They love to delegate work or projects and then interfere by micro-managing things
✦ If things go well, they take the credit; if the work turns out badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
✦ There tend to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
✦ They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.

Need some Narcissist Kryptonite?
The Narcissist — A User’s Guide

MUST BE RIGHT ATTITUDE

✦ Value religiosity’s rules or business protocol over spiritual growth.
✦ Take pride in their own righteousness and rightness.
✦ Attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs.
✦ Can’t believe they make mistakes.
✦ Have an inability to feel or process or truly understand shame.

MANIPULATIVE

✦ Create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears to manipulate later.
✦ Don’t use language as communication. It’s for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating.
✦ Their charm is false. Contradict them a few times & you’ll feel their out-of-proportion narcissistic rage.
✦ Their conversations & interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, & create drama.
✦ Are black holes, working to get time, money, or talent from you.
✦ Expect you to lend a listening ear and give votes of approval.
✦ Use emotional withdraw to create guilt and compliance.
✦ Will use the parental or child role to get what they want.
✦ Will betray secrets to feel more powerful.
✦ Can use flattery or sickly-sweet protests of innocence like a stealth weapon.
✦ Use verbal skills to block or deflect being confronted.
✦ Impact our lives negatively despite appearing to have some positive effect.

NARCISSISTS’ SUBCONSCIOUS FALSE EGO

✦ Their subconscious creates a false ego from which to relate to the world. They are their own avatar!
✦ Subconsciously real relationships don’t exist for them. We’re all just players on the narcissists stage.
✦ Their sole subconscious pursuit is to be seen as God’s gift to the world in a certain area or skill set.
✦ Early emotional trauma freezes their worldview at that age, making them immature, impatient, inconsiderate.

Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Manipulation Marionette

Is the ‘Successful Psychopath’ a Myth or Reality? / PsyPost

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http://www.psypost.org/2015/10/is-the-successful-psychopath-a-myth-or-reality-38286

Is successful psychopathy an oxymoron? What’s the difference between psychopaths who spend their lives in prison and those who excel in society? These are some of the questions examined in a new study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science.

The study, a scientific status report on early and current research, seeks to define “successful psychopathy” and compare the most common models in use today.

Most research on psychopathy involves studying people who are incarcerated — and these individuals are assumed to be “unsuccessful.”

“Nevertheless, the past decade has witnessed growing interest in an intriguing possibility: Perhaps many psychopathic individuals are thriving in the everyday world, in some cases occupying the higher echelons of selected professions,” wrote Scott Lilienfeld, corresponding author, in the study. “Indeed, [Robert D. Hare] posited that incarcerated psychopaths ‘represent only the tip of a very large iceberg.’”

Definition: What is Successful Psychopathy?

According to Lilienfeld and his colleagues, scientists disagree over how to define success.

“Some emphasize short-term success, whereas others emphasize long-term success; some emphasize the attainment of personal fame and fortune, whereas others emphasize behaviors benefiting society,” said Lilienfeld. “Still others emphasize only the absence of prominent antisocial behavior.”

This fundamental disagreement has led to three distinct models of psychopathy, all of which were examined and compared in this review.

Differential-severity Model

The differential-severity model suggests that psychopathy is a single construct on a spectrum, and that successful and unsuccessful psychopaths only differ in their severity.

This model has not been statistically verified. In fact, a study conducted on 29 participants with psychopathic traits seems to refute it. “Success” was defined by whether or not the participant had been convicted of a crime.

The study found that the scores between the two groups on the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) only differed in specific areas. The unsuccessful psychopaths scored higher on measures of charm and guiltlessness, for example, but lower on other measures.

Moderated-expression Model

This model also suggests that psychopathy is a single construct, but that successful psychopaths also possess some characteristics outside of psychopathy that help them to buffer themselves against poor consequences. Some of these factors might be intelligence or positive parenting.

Several studies lend credibility to this theory, according to the research team. One such study found that successful psychopaths exhibit higher executive functioning and more sensitive responsiveness, and are better at processing information. This study also used incarceration to define “success.”.

Several other studies have linked positive parenting with the inhibition of antisocial behaviors. Though the link has not been proven, several longitudinal studies are in the works to examine it further.

Differential-configuration Model

Unlike the first two models, the differential-configuration model suggests that psychopathy is a combination of several traits and factors. Successful and unsuccessful psychopaths differ in the individual traits they possess. One particular trait that many successful psychopaths may exhibit is fearless dominance.

In one study, scientists surveyed 146 psychologists, lawyers and psychology professors to describe a psychopath they knew who had achieved success. 75 percent of respondents identified colleagues; many of them were distinguished from unsuccessful psychopaths by certain traits, such as extraversion, self-discipline, and a lack of agreeableness.

Lilienfeld and his colleagues concluded: “Although successful psychopathy has long been the province of popular psychology, recent research has begun to shed light on this enigmatic construct.”

While early research has been interesting and thought provoking, more research and a better definition of “successful psychopath” are needed before any strong conclusions can be drawn.

“By attending to these [factors], researchers will hopefully achieve a better understanding of how one person with pronounced psychopathic traits can end up being the prototype of the habitual criminal, whereas another can end up being the prototype for [the successful psychopath],” Lilienfeld said.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

November 3, 2015 at 11:33 pm

The Psychopath Next Door Full Documentary / National Geographic

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Apathetic People are the Narcissist’s Best Friends/ The Faces Of Narcissism

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Originally posted on- The Faces Of Narcissism ( link below)

http://facesofnarcissism.com/2015/05/11/apathetic-people-are-the-narcissists-best-friends/

I’ve said many times that I think we should shun repeat abusers–especially narcissists. Even if someone doesn’t hurt me, if I know they hurt others, I don’t want to encourage them. I want to avoid them! Furthermore, when onlookers stay silent about abuse, the narcissist believes that means they condone or even support his or her behavior. People who remain apathetic–who just don’t care about what the abuser does to hurt others–are the narcissist’s best friends. They enable the narc and encourage the abuse to continue simply by doing nothing.

I once stated my theory publicly to some mutual acquaintances I shared with the narcopath. I said that abuse continues because society lets it. People willingly let narcissists go about preying on others because they don’t want to speak out or get involved. When I said that, one of narcopath’s enablers huffily said that it was childish to shun people based on what relationship they had with another person. She said that she didn’t care what narcopath had done to others, and that mature adults only judge people by what that person does with them. Well, superficially narcopath has put on a charming face with that person, so she thinks he’s just fine. But with me, and many others, he is violent and exploitative. That reality doesn’t change just because he puts on an act sometimes. If narcissistic abusers were shunned for their behavior, they might actually have some reason to change it since they depend on others for supply!

In normal situations with normal people, it is reasonable to judge a person by their interaction with you. Maybe Suzy doesn’t get along with Paula because of a difference in personalities, but that doesn’t mean Suzy is a bad person. If you and Suzy get along well, that’s great! But with narcissists and sociopaths, they are dangerous, predatory people through and through. You can’t say that they just have differences with others because they are so cruel and manipulative, they are willing to exploit anyone and everyone. Would we befriend a kidnapper simply because they didn’t hurt us? No way! If a predator does that kind of damage to someone, we are horrified and we avoid them. But when a narcissist tears someone apart emotionally, they get away with it.

Predators are often very interesting and charming. My ex narcopath is below average for looks, but has no problem grooming and hooking hundreds of women with his false personality. There are many people who think he’s fun to be around. There are many other people who are picking up the pieces of their lives after he’s been through like a sledgehammer. Does the fact that he can be fun with some people mean that those people should ignore what he does to his victims? Would you be friends or stay friendly with someone who is a lot of fun for you, but hurts those close to them? Morally, I couldn’t do that, but apathetic people in society do it every day. They choose not to get involved, or they choose to ignore abuse that doesn’t affect them, but in reality, they are giving the abuser the green light to hurt more people. When it comes to abuse, silence is approval.

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 23, 2015 at 8:00 pm

Co-Parenting & The Importance Of Keeping Minimal Contact With A Narcissistic Ex/ Unmasking The Narcissist

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This article was originally posted on Unmasking The Narcissist ( link below)
http://narchivesblog.com/2015/09/23/co-parenting-the-importance-of-keeping-minimal-contact-with-a-narcissistic-ex/

There are certain things in life that you have to learn the hard way and the reason for sticking to no or absolute minimal contact is one of them. Of course, as is the case with me, if you have a child with your Narcissist then there must be some form of contact, assuming your Narcissist is going to stick around and co-parent with you. We couldn’t be so lucky to have them wave goodbye forever as they drive off into the sunset never to be seen or heard from again. Nope! They’ll stick around and try to make our lives as miserable as they can and will even use their own children to try and get supply from us.

Please know that there will be situations where you’ll have to be around your ex and you have to be ultra-aware of ambush techniques. I’ve had this happen a few times and the effects can be very, very damaging if you allow yourself to be set up for more needless abuse.

Remember all of the degrading things they would say or do to us and how badly they hurt? Remember how we even questioned ourselves if those things that the Narcissist was telling us about ourselves could be true? Once the truth of what was lurking behind the mask of our Narcissist revealed it’s ugly, evil form, we knew it wasn’t us at all. It never was about us. We knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that all of those awful things we were told about ourselves were not true and even learned that the Narcissist was projecting the image of herself/himself onto us.

Contrary to what pop psychology tells us, Narcissists do not love themselves and in fact they hate themselves so much that the instant they see a reflection of their inner monstrosity, they instantly project what they see onto us so they no longer have to feel the self-hate and loathing of seeing themselves in the mirror. We are normal, emotionally healthy people and the Narcissist hates the very essence of who we are because they know they can never be us. Even in the best of scenarios with years of therapy, they still cannot even come close to expressing unconditional love and experiencing empathy that is equal to our level of understanding or having the ability to express and feel empathy towards others. They’re incapable of unconditional love and are so incomplete as healthy, normal, rational people are and they cannot even begin to understand the most basic, elementary definition of empathy that we learned to express in our early childhood developmental years.

So what is an example of being ambushed? I’ll share with you two recent examples of my Narcissistic troll stepping out from her dark underworld and how to mitigate the hurtful words, head games and projection.

I was taking my daughter to her first counseling session since her mother and I separated just 3 1/2 months earlier. I have Sole Legal Custody of our daughter and the laws in the state in which we live, state that the parent with Sole Legal Custody can make all legal decisions regarding such things such as schooling, religion, medical treatment and even child counseling without consulting the other parent. Of course these are not always easy decisions to make and in the spirit of co-parenting, I have and will continue to discuss these issues with my ex. When I first broached the idea of taking our daughter to see a child therapist who specializes in children going through divorces, she simply said, “I have no problem with that.” I told her that I would let her know the name of the therapist, the contact information and the date of her appointment to which she replied, “that’s fine.” These emails took place around 3-4 weeks after I moved out and since this topic was brought up, she never once mentioned it again.

As promised, I sent her all of the information that I said would and even explained to her that this counselor was for our daughter, not us. We were not to ask what was talked about, coach her in any way regarding what to say if asked certain questions or interfere with her relationship with her counselor as it’s imperative she trust her. I couldn’t emphasize this enough to her. If our daughter was going to have a fair shot of dealing with all of the changes (parents separating, her mother instantly bringing her paramour around, having overnight stays with her paramour in the presence of our daughter etc.) that had taken place in such a short amount of time. Our daughter needed to have a confidant that could help her talk about her feelings and not be concerned that she would get into trouble for anything that she might say. She is very guarded with what she tells her mother because she is afraid of angering her. With me, she tells all because she’s learned through experience that she can tell me things without getting into trouble. I allow her to express her emotions and validate her for doing so (as long as she is not disrespectful towards me). This is parenting and reminds me of a quote from Karyl McBride – “I often say to people in therapy that putting a roof over your child’s head and giving him or her food is not parenting. A child can get that in an orphanage. Tuning into your child’s emotional world is parenting.” There is no truer or more profound statement as it pertains to being a parent.

As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed my ex’s vehicle; I had no idea she was going to be there and had little time to prepare as I walked through the door. Right away I knew she was going to play the ever-involved, wonderful parent. A Narcissist can turn on the charm and morph into whatever role they need to play in an instant. When my daughter and I walked in, my ex put our her arms to hold her in her lap. She read her books, coddled her and made sure everybody noticed her stellar performance while we waited for our daughter to be called into the session. She even painted our daughter’s nails the night prior, something she had not done in months. She could have won an Oscar Award – it was that convincing. These things are not the norm for my daughter to experience with her mother. In fact, all summer she did nary a thing with her and she spent all of her time with her new lover/victim (new as far as me finding out about it). When my daughter would visit her mother, she would be fed things like chicken nuggets and yogurt for dinner and sometimes no dinner at all. I remember my daughter calling me on the phone crying saying that she was hungry. I asked her what she had for dinner and she said, “a bagel but that was when we first got home.” Needless to say, I was furious but telling my ex to feed our daughter would only put her into a rage and take it out on my daughter. I told my daughter to tell her mother to fix her something to eat. I would like to clarify that I have never witnessed any physical abuse towards my daughter or her two children from a previous marriage but the emotional abuse is very real as everything revolves around their mother and they know to stay out of her hair or else there will be hell to pay.

The therapist came out, I made the introductions and once they were on their way to her office, I took my seat and then my ex took a seat across from me. I would have been better off to sit down in a specialized chair to get a root canal and colonoscopy both done at the same time. What a mistake! She unleashed a tirade of wrath that would have caused Satan to pick up his pitchfork to defend himself from this fork-tongued, delusional monster. She reared up in her seat, spread her arms to the side and glared at me. She reminded me of a demon seating there and the image still haunts me today. She briefly touched on all of the grotesque things she used to say to me once she started me on my constant and painful diet of devaluation. Then she started on how horrible of a father I was, how she now has a real man in the children’s lives for the first time, all of the reasons why I don’t have any friends and will never find another lover again. She even went on to attack certain family members of mine who never were anything but kind to her. I kid you not, this went on for 45 minutes until I said “no more talking” about a dozen times before she stopped. I finally just put my head back and closed my eyes.

After my daughter and I left I was drained. I felt like I had all of the life sucked out of me. I had not let myself anywhere near this monster for quite some time but I was ambushed in a place I considered safe and neutral ground; a waiting room in a counseling center turned into a battleground in which I didn’t stand a chance. It was brutal but not too long after I left, a couple of very wise close friends/family reminded me that none of that was about me. A friend told me that the monster had slipped from behind her mask, and indeed it had!

So, how would I do things differently when faced with a similar situation? First, I would choose a seat as far away from her as possible and second, I would not even speak to her. You see, I had my attorney put into the Separation Agreement that neither one of us are to call the other unless it’s an emergency and that ALL communications will be in the form of email or text message and even that communication shall only be about legitimate things regarding our daughter. I did this to maintain as little contact as humanly possible with my ex. We need to keep a watchful eye at all times because given the chance, the Narcissist will sink his/her fangs into our jugular and start feeding and once they get a taste of blood, it’s very difficult to get them to stop feeding and often times they won’t stop until we physically crawl away or they’ve fed so much there is nothing left of us but an empty shell, much like the abandoned exoskeleton of a cicada.

Another recent example is one of the times that I dropped my daughter off at my ex’s house. It was a typical morning where I got up, made some coffee, checked my emails, read the morning news and headed down the road with a fresh cup of black goodness. I pulled into the driveway as usual, carried my daughter up to the door, kissed her goodbye and told her that I would see her after school. She went inside and I turned around and as I was walking to my car, my ex told me that she had a question about her dog before I left. She asked the question, I answered and before I knew it, I was sucked into a one hour tongue lashing about everything that was and is wrong with me. She even found a few new items of dysfunction to beat me with since I moved out.

She used a legitimate but unnecessary question about her dog to lure me away from my car and leaving. That’s all it took. In an instant the fangs came out and my otherwise routine and non-eventful morning turned into a nightmare. By the time she was finished feeding and I was turned loose, my coffee was cold and I was left wondering how I could allow myself to get sucked into her dark world of deceit, severe emotional abuse and projection when I could have simply left at any time.

The answer is quite simple and we all know it. They are professional manipulators, have our resume memorized and know exactly what to say to evoke a predetermined reaction from us. This is why we cannot let ourselves be put into situations where we let the abuse continue. I know there are times (because I have them too) where we must be in the presence of our Narcissistic ex’s but there are ways to minimize or completely stop the abuse. Maintain no contact and if spoken to in a situation where others are present and not responding would make you look the like problem, respond using short responses instead of elucidating and divulging too much personal information that WILL be later used against you. You can respond by saying such things as, “that’s good”, “that’s nice” or my personal favorite, “interesting”. Basically it is disengaging the abuse trigger before the Narcissist fires off a shot or two.

Leave it at that and if other people don’t understand, too bad. They’ve not a clue of the severe abuse that we suffered and can’t begin to comprehend what we must do to protect ourselves and recover from the abuse, much less keep it from happening over and over as the Narcissist will always try to get supply from us. You may no longer be their 24/7 source, but make no mistake about it, you are still supply to them and you are their guaranteed source of supply because after all, you have a child together and will be in each other’s lives for many years to come. This being the case, we still never deserved the abuse and will not tolerate it going forward. Many years were stolen from us and we will not allow one second more to be taken from us.

Come up with a plan that is workable for YOU to keep contact with your Narcissist to a bare minimum. Implement those boundaries and stick to them. Be proactive instead of reactive which just allows you to be sucked into their abuse. If you know you could be in a situation that could leave you ripe for abuse, plan ahead to mitigate the interaction and don’t ever give away another second of your life to these duplicitous creatures!

Developing and sticking to a no contact or a minimal contact plan is crucial to not only your own well-being and recovery but is also necessary for you to remain the stable and balanced parent in your child’s life. When in doubt, simply say, “interesting”, walk away and reward yourself with a great cup of coffee and press on with living life free of Narcissistic abuse. ☮Vali

This powerful photo of emotional pain and inner turmoil was taken by ShaylinJanelle photography. http://shaylinjanelle.tumblr.com

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 2, 2015 at 11:25 am

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