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Tatyana Brown- “Gaslit”/everydayfeminism

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How Gaslighting Is Abuse That Stays with You Like a Terrifying Hurricane

 

 

Taking its name from the 1944 film The Gaslight,

gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information

is continuously presented to a survivor in order to make them doubt their memory, perception, and sanity

You know you’ve really got it bad when decades later,

shadows in your apartment flicker after the sky is baptized in lightning,

and you hear his voice instead of thunder telling you, “There is no storm”

You don’t need to close the windows

That is not water pouring in sheets onto the rooftops,

flooding your bedroom until the mattress weeps under your weight

It’s just an accident

Probably you did it, little girl

Why are you making such a scene?

It’s a quiet night, a leaky bathtub upstairs,

there is nothing to protect yourself or anyone else from, darling

Everyone is happy

Maybe you should try it

Are you trying hard enough to have some better, more attractive feelings?

Show me your winner’s smile

No, not like that, all bare teeth

Close your mouth, and pull until it stings

Who’s going to love that gap, yeah?

Who do you think you’re fooling with all this sky is falling bullshit?

Nobody cares

It’s a party, and the sad girl in the darkened room stays sad her whole life

Her bottomless sorrow transforms all of the beautiful people into monsters,

or else just makes them leave

She only has herself to blame

It goes on like this for hours

Even though you know it’s raining, it’s a hurricane

The walls are peeling from their studs

The floor is floating in the flood

You live on a raft now, tearing itself apart as it is being sucked out to see

You find yourself apologizing to a voice no one else can hear

I’m sorry for this act of God we’re living through

Sorry about this flesh wound I keep walking around with, staining all your furniture

I’m sorry I can’t seem to start crying

You know, I guess somebody died, and it’s stupid

I realize, but not over it

I guess maybe something happened that gutted me

like a carp you hack apart to catch worthier fish

I guess I haven’t slept in months because silly me,

the roof tore off,

and I have swallowed so much rain lying on my back

Taking it

I’m sorry

You probably don’t mean to hear this messy grief girl who can’t keep her mouth shut

It’s just the way it always is, yeah? My fault.

You know it’s bad when you can’t actually remember what he sounds like

The only version of his voice is rooms away, roaring between the book shelves

as he pulls them crashing to the floor,

and you wonder how it is that he still lives here

How every creak and rumble in your new apartment belongs to him somehow

How you keep waking up feeling guilty for being lazy and such a mess, even at 7 AM

Your books still in their boxes, you realize, it isn’t him you’re hearing,

but the muscle memory of what he made you feel

It’s not so bad. It’s not so bad. You’ve got to get up, and get over it

Are you sure you even remember it right?

It’s your hand on the light switch now, flickering, and cursing your eyes for their perfect sight

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

April 15, 2016 at 9:31 pm

Anxiety in Children: Don’t Look the Other Way / Huff Post Parents

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“I have tried to dismiss the anxious behavior by telling myself that my children have not experienced the trauma that I experienced. They have not been physically, sexually or emotionally abused like I was. They have had a great childhood compared to my experiences” ~Elisabeth Corey

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elisabeth-corey/anxiety-in-children-dont-_b_8027388.html

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

August 26, 2015 at 12:59 pm

Childhood trauma linked to early psychosis later in life/ UQ NEWS

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http://www.uq.edu.au/news/article/2015/03/childhood-trauma-linked-early-psychosis-later-life-0

Research showing that patients with early psychosis report high rates of childhood trauma has important implications for clinicians, a University of Queensland psychologist has found.

UQ Centre for Clinical Research and Queensland Centre for Mental Health Research psychologist Mr Michael Duhig said more than three-quarters of early psychosis patients reported exposure to childhood trauma, including one or a combination of emotional, physical or sexual abuse or physical neglect.

“Those people with early psychosis who experienced trauma during childhood faced higher levels of depression, anxiety and stress,” Mr Duhig said.

“Women who were subjected to emotional and sexual abuse during childhood were also found to have an increased risk of developing psychosis in adulthood.

“Interestingly, exposure to childhood trauma was found to have no impact on an individual’s day-to-day functioning at work or socially.

“This may be due to appropriate support being provided to individuals from outpatient services.”

Mr Duhig said he and his team gathered data from 106 outpatients who attended four early-psychosis services in South-East Queensland.

“These findings highlight the need for practitioners to inquire into any exposure to childhood trauma during clinical assessments of patients with early psychosis,” he said.

“Treating psychological distress needs to be a priority for clinicians, rather than managing only psychotic symptoms.

“Mental health clinicians need to consider the life experiences of people who have psychosis so as to ensure the treatment provided is holistic and provides the best chance of full recovery.

“This may require trauma-informed care in those people with psychosis who have been abused during childhood.”

Mr Duhig’s findings are published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry.

Media: Chelsey Parish, UQ Centre for Clinical Research, 07 3346 6041, 0438 753 471, c.parish@uq.edu.au

5 reasons why we fall for con artists/ Lovefraud

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This article was originally posted on Lovefraud

5 reasons why we fall for con artists

Donna Anderson

We discover that our romantic partner is a complete and utter fake.

The proclamations of love, the stories of his or her past — nothing was true. All the money that our partner desperately needed — or promised would buy a life of luxury for the two of us — well, that evaporated into expensive and unnecessary toys, or a secret life with one or more other lovers (targets).

When it finally sinks in that we’ve been conned, the first question we ask of ourselves is, “How could I have been so stupid?”

Followed by, “Why didn’t I see this coming?”

Feeling like chumps, we come down really hard on ourselves. But we aren’t the only ones who are blind to the social predators living among us — our entire society is blind.

The fact that millions of sociopaths live among us is like a giant skeleton in the closet of the human race that nobody wants to talk about. This sets us up to be victimized.

Sociopathic con artists take advantage of this collective and individual blindness. With the skill that comes from practicing their craft from a very young age, they manipulate our empathy and emotions. They use us to accomplish their objectives du jour, whatever they may be.

So here’s why we end up in romantic relationships with sociopathic con artists:

Reason #1 – We don’t know sociopaths exist

Most people think sociopaths are all criminals and deranged serial killers — this isn’t necessarily true. Social predators live among us, and most of them never kill anyone. Still, these people have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

The numbers are staggering. Lovefraud uses the term “sociopath” to cover all social predators — people who would be clinically diagnosed as being antisocial, psychopathic, narcissistic or borderline. If you add up the official estimates of people with these conditions, perhaps 12% of the population — 37 million people in the US — have personality disorders that make them unsuitable to be romantic partners.

And we, as a society, don’t know it.

Reason #2 – We believe people are basically the same

In the United States, from the time we are small children, we are bombarded with messages about fairness, equal opportunity, giving people a chance and tolerance. In school, we learn that we’re all created equal. In church, we learn that we’re all God’s children.

As a result, we believe all people are basically the same, there is good in everyone, and everyone just wants to be loved. Unfortunately, there is a segment of the population for which this simply is not true.

Sociopaths view the world as predators and prey — they are the predators, and everyone else is prey. They are not motivated by love; they are motivated by power and control. These people pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation.

Reason #3 – Humans are lousy lie detectors

Research shows that people can identify a lie only 53% of the time — not much better than flipping a coin.

All those signs that are supposedly giveaways that someone is lying — like looking away, failing to make eye contact — well, they simply don’t apply when a sociopath is doing the lying.

Sociopaths are expert liars. They spend their whole lives lying. They feel entitled to lie. They lie for the fun of it. In fact, there’s a phenomenon called “duping delight” — sociopaths get a thrill out of staring right into their targets’ eyes and pulling the wool over them.

People who are not liars never see it coming.

Reason #4 – Sociopaths hijack the normal human bonding process

Trust is the glue that holds society together. Trust is so important to the human race that it is programmed into our biology.

A hormone called oxytocin is released in our brain and bloodstream whenever we feel intimacy — emotional or physical. Oxytocin then makes us feel calm, trusting and content, and alleviates fear and anxiety. Nature created this process to make people want to stay together to raise children.

When sociopaths target us for romantic relationships, they either spend a lot of time building what seems to be trust, or they rush us into emotional, physical or sexual intimacy. Either way, they get the oxytocin flowing in our brains, which makes us trust them. They keep piling on the intimacy, and we, to our detriment, keep trusting.

For more information, read Oxytocin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths, on Lovefraud.com.

Reason #5 – The betrayal bond makes it difficult to escape

Once the love bond is in place, the sociopath does things that create fear and anxiety in us — like cheating on us, or taking more and more money.

Contrary to what we might expect, instead of driving us away, this actually makes the bond we feel with the sociopath stronger. It becomes a betrayal bond — a powerful bond that we feel with someone who is destructive to us.

We want desperately to return to the heady experience of the beginning of our involvement, which was filled with what we believed was love and affection. We keep waiting for the sociopath to make the situation right.

But he or she never does. The exploitation continues.

Betrayal bonds are highly addictive and difficult to break. That’s why we stay in the relationship far longer than we should — until we can no longer escape the fact that we’ve been conned.

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