Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

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Take Back Your Life; Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships / Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias

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Family cults are where the head of the family uses excessive persusion and control techniques to keep the family functioning as he sees fit…These small cults and cultic abusive relationships tend to be more intense on their effect on the individual member than the larger group cult for the simple reason that all the

attention-and abuse- is focused on one or several persons often with more damaging consequences. Also women are primarily the victims in these relationships…..Most people do not like to think of their family as a cult, and they will rationalize away inner suspicions or fend off criticisms or observations by relatives and friends.

One important factor to keep in mind is that abuse does not have to be physical.In many cases it may be verbal or emotional. This seemingly less severe abuse often leads the victim to doubt her reaction because she is not being physically attacked and may not be able to explain the abuse to herself or others. Margaret Singer used to call ths the “gaslight effect”

..An abused partner must submit to the following abuses and/or behaviors:

Early verbal, physical and/or sexual dominance

Fear arousal and maintenance

Guilt induction

Contingent expressions of “love”

Enforced loyalty to the agressor

Promotion of powerlessness and helplessness

Pathological expressions of jealousy

Hope instilling behaviors

isolation/imprisonment

Required secrecy

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 19, 2018 at 8:52 pm

Happy Father’s Day To The Good Dads/ Janice Levinson Protective Mothers’ Alliance International Executive Director/ Co-founder

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What Makes A Good Dad????

I posed this question to our PMA International Protective Moms, Advocates, Administrators, Leaders, and Members. We came up with the following list:

Note: this list also applies to dads no longer in a relationship with the mother of their child/children

1. Any dad who supports the mother of his child/children emotionally, physically, and financially.

2. Dads who teach their child/children by words and actions to respect their mothers and women in general.

3. Any dad who sets an example for his child/ children that his family is always his priority.

4. Dads who stand firm as a role model for his child/ children of honesty, integrity, dependability, and kindness.

5. Dads who are available for their families emotionally and physically.

6. All dads who role model for their child/children positive work ethics.

7. All dads who discipline in a firm, yet fair and loving way.

8. Dads who are concerned for the safety of their child/children and their child/ children’s mother.

9. All dads who know how to disagree with respect and without violence or abuse of any kind.

10. Any dad who teaches his child/children that it is ok to make mistakes and points out his mistakes as an example.

11. All dads who embrace the washing machine and diaper changing.

12. Any dad who knows how to find the kitchen.

13. All dads who comprehend, appreciate and respect the challenges women and mothers face in our world today.

14. Any dad who knows how to tolerate and even pretend to enjoy a trip to the mall, theme park, children’s’ concert etc. with his family.

15. Dads who can demonstrate that family time is more important than his favorite sports event.

16. Any dad who can be a good listener and a strong consistent shoulder

17. All dads who are not afraid to get silly.

18. Dads who embrace water fights, pillow fights and up -all- night sleepovers.

19. Any dad not afraid to sing, dance, and play on the floor with his child/children

20. Dads who play dress up and have tea parties

Add to our list in the comment section. We would love to hear your thoughts.

We at PMA International honor “The Good Dad” on this Father’s Day.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” ~ David O. McKay

 

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

June 16, 2018 at 11:17 pm

Happy Mothers’ Day Hero Protective Moms

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The Success of Love BY ADRIENNE

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Protective Mothers' Alliance International

Read this powerful story about DV by Proxy in a mom’s own words. Notice the progression and circumstances in which this hateful smear campaign against a loving mom thrives.. Twisting up a child’s mind and teaching them to hate a loving parent by using lies and manipulation is child abuse.

The Success of Love
BY ADRIENNE, ON JUNE 11TH, 2012
The success of love is in the loving. —Mother Teresa

A few days ago I read the first post I ever wrote about my two eldest children, Jacob and Abbie, and how they came to live full-time with their dad. I sat at my computer, eyes goggling half-out of my head, unable to believe I had accomplished the mental-gymnastics necessary to believe what I wrote.

Better?

Better?!?

Like hell it was better, but I definitely believed it at the time, at least at the top of my consciousness. I…

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

March 20, 2018 at 11:27 am

Posted in Uncategorized

You Made Me A Mother/ Poetry and Picture Quote/ Love Letters To Our Children

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_Pea-Love-Letters-quote-I-was-a-pea,-motherhood

I felt you. You were a pea. Then a lemon. Then an eggplant. I followed advice. I read twelve books. I quite coffee. Could you tell I was scared?

I talked to you, sang to you… I wasn’t ready.

But then you were here. Ten toes. Seven pounds.

Love. Big Fat love.

I held you. I fed you. I realized that I would spend my life doing things to make you happy- and that would make me happy.

And then there are the times I want to give up.

You’ve made me rethink my sanity. You’ve made me want to fall at my mother’s feet and tell her that I get it. But then you smile and you say my name….and you grab my hand with those little fingers.

We’re growing together.

We are seeing the world like it’s new. I will open my heart and love will rain down all over you.

You’ll giggle and I’ll do it all over again. And we will walk hand in hand until you let go. I made you, but you made me a mother.

 

– Unknown

Beyond Bias; Tips For Protective Mothers

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PMA International has previously posted links and articles about developing critical thinking skills. Critical thinking is especially helpful in healing from the damaging effects of abuse, as it can help you to identify the controlling and deceitful tactics of the abuser so you can begin to heal, and re-establish your identity free of violence. Taught to children, critical thinking contributes to healthy self-esteem and the ability to think independently Critical thinking skills may also be a buffer against DV By Proxy. PMA INTL will go further down this path by discussing BIAS.

Identifying and dealing with bias involves the use of critical thinking skills; this article will reveal the different types of bias and discuss how bias affects a person’s ability to see the world as it really is. Some bias is a normal part of life, to some degree everyone has bias; but left unchecked bias can damage the ability to think rationally, and damage the ability to develop healthy relationships with others. For traumatized protective mothers recognizing personal bias and using critical thinking skills, may help protect against re- victimization and manipulations from any source. This article will offer tips on how to prevent bias from becoming an unhealthy influence, again using critical thinking as a powerful tool for self empowerment.

http://www.criticalthinking.org/

Bias is defined as prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair.

Nowhere is it more crucial for information to be precise than in the intelligence community. In this arena it is a matter of life , death and global peace to be certain that information received is exact and not viewed from the lens of biased eyes. Yet, there have always been problems associated with the accurate analysis of information within the intelligence community. These problems always occur because the human mind is easily influenced by many factors in the environment. In the case of the Cold War, these factors contributed to problems and failures in intelligence. Biases and perceptions can lead to a misconstrued view of reality and the way we process information. http://smallwarsjournal.com/jrnl/art/bias-and-perception-how-it-affects-our-judgment-in-decision-making-and-analysis

What is Psychological Bias?

Psychologists Daniel Kahneman, Paul Slovic, and Amos Tversky introduced the concept of psychological bias in the early 1970s. They published their findings in their 1982 book, “Judgment Under Uncertainty.”

They discovered that psychological bias – also known as cognitive bias – is the inclination to make decisions or take action in a less than logical way.

Common Psychological Biases

Below, are five psychological biases that are common in decision making. Along with suggestions on how to overcome them

1. Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is looking for information that supports your existing beliefs, and rejecting information that go against your beliefs. A 2013 study found that confirmation bias can affect the way that people view statistics. This can lead you to make biased decisions, since all relevant information is not factored in to your decision.

How to Avoid Confirmation Bias

1. Seek out information from a range of sources, to challenge what you think and learn more about a subject.

2. Use an approach such as the ‘Six Thinking Hats” technique to consider situations from various perspectives. http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_07.htm

3. Discuss your thoughts with others. You may consider joining a club, attending community ed or attending an open mic or jam session as way to participate in or hear lively discussions.

4. Surround yourself with a diverse group of people. You may consider going to community or religious celebrations different than your own, visiting museums/historical sites or volunteering in your community to be exposed to new experiences.

5.Listen to opposing views. This could be as simple as listening to a radio station you have never heard before, or taking the time to talk with a rebellious teenager (kidding).

6.Seek out people and information that challenge your opinions, please use boundaries (especially if you have a history of abuse) to ensure the conversations remain respectful as well as enjoyable.

7.Assign someone you trust to give feedback for major decisions or decisions you struggle with.

2. Anchoring (“ first impression bias”)

This bias is the tendency to jump to conclusions before all the facts are gathered.

How to Avoid Anchoring

Anchoring may happen if you have a tendency to act hastily or are under pressure to make a decision.

NOTE: This is different from the triggers victims of abuse commonly experience; triggers are reactions to past trauma that cause a chemical reaction in the body, causing a person to relive the or experience flashbacks of trauma. A person reacting to a trigger is not biased, though they do experience intense pressure or anxiety it is related to something that has caused them to re-experience or remember a painful event. This is NOT a bias.

1.Reflect on your history, and think about times when you have a past history of rushing to judgment

2.Make decisions slowly, use relaxation or calming techniques if you need (deep breath, music, positive affirmations, etc.)

3. Ask for longer time for decision making. (If someone is pressing aggressively for a decision, this can be a sign that the thing they’re pushing for is against your best interests.)

3. Overconfidence Bias

Placing too much faith in your own knowledge. Believing that your contribution to a decision is more valuable than it actually is.

How to Avoid Overconfidence Bias

Consider the following questions:

1.What sources of information do you tend to rely on when you make decisions?

2 Are these fact-based, or do you rely on hunches?

3. Who else is involved in gathering information?

4.Has information been gathered systematically?

Consider what you can do to gather comprehensive, objective data, if you feel your information has been unreliable.

4. Gambler’s Fallacy

With the gambler’s fallacy, you expect past success to always influence the future

In fact, outcomes are highly uncertain. The number of successes that you’ve had previously has a small impact on the future.

How to Avoid Gambler’s Fallacy

1. Look at trends from a number of angles, especially those that challenge past events.

2. Look deep into data, research, studies.

5. Fundamental Attribution Error

Blaming others when things go wrong, instead of looking objectively at the situation. Blaming or judging someone based on a stereotype or a perceived personality flaw.

How to Avoid Fundamental Attribution Error

1.Look at situations, and the people involved in them, non-judgmentally.

2. Use empathy

3. Look at situations from a cultural perspective, if appropriate..

It’s hard to spot psychological bias in ourselves because it often comes from subconscious thinking.
For this reason, it can often be unwise to make major decisions on your own.
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/avoiding-psychological-bias.htm

 

Protective Mothers' Alliance International

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PMA has previously posted links and articles about developing critical thinking skills. Critical thinking is especially helpful in healing from the damaging effects of abuse, as it can help you to identify the controlling and deceitful tactics of the abuser so you can begin to heal, and re-establish your identity free of violence. Taught to children, critical thinking contributes to healthy self-esteem and the ability to think independently Critical thinking skills may also be a buffer against DV By Proxy. PMA INTL will go further down this path by discussing BIAS.

Identifying and dealing with bias involves the use of critical thinking skills; this article will reveal the different types of bias and discuss how bias affects a person’s ability to see the world as it really is. Some bias is a normal part of life, to some degree everyone has bias; but left unchecked bias can damage the ability…

View original post 957 more words

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

March 20, 2018 at 6:38 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Terrified of Court, Waited 18 Years To Leave ( Image and Quote) /Unstoppable Mothers

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http://www.unstoppablemothers.wordpress.com
#unstoppablemothers #pmainternational #abuse#cps #corruption #outrageousjudges

#1 The most outrageous action a judge took in your family court case

” My X was substantiated by CPS for sexually assaulting at least 2 of my girls. The judge

ordered the girls to go to counseling with him. I waited 18 years to leave him because I was terrified the courts would side with him.”

Unstoppable Mothers © 2018

 

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