Archive for the ‘Wounded Healer; The Series’ Category
Asheville, N.C., Sept. 9, 2016 – Seth Willis Pickering stabbed his 6-year old daughter Lila to death in front of two park rangers along the Blue Ridge Parkway. When arrested, he said, “Now they will never be able to take her away from me.. She’s happier now.. it’s what she wanted.”
Pickering was involved in a custody dispute with ex-wife Ashley Pickering. Ashley left the relationship because he was abusive towards her. Ashley, who now lives in Florida, was fighting in the courts for the return of her daughter, “I went to leave and a cop was supposed to send Lila with me, and he didn’t, and I’ve been fighting with the courts and DSS.” Ashley claims that Lila was soon to return to her care.
Lila was placed in protective custody with the Buncombe County Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) after being removed from her father’s care, due to his violent behavior towards another woman. Lila was placed with a local family, who she knew well. The family offered to take the child in to avoid foster care. Pickering was allowed supervised visitation.
On September 9th, Lila was picked up at the home by her father, without permission, and taken to a remote camp site. Park rangers discovered Pickering with Lila, and before they could intervene, he has stabbed her to death.
Pickering is charged with first degree murder.
Lila Pickering is described as being a happy child with a beautiful smile who nickname was “Rescue Ranger” because she was willing to help anybody. Lila would have celebrated her birthday on October 1st, there will be a celebration of her life at the local elementary school where she attended. A Go Fund Me has been created by the family to help raise money for funeral expenses.
Cindy Dabil, Lila’s grandmother says Child Protective Services in Florida and in North Carolina should have done more to protect Lila. She hopes Lila’s tragic death will serve as a call to action to better protect children from abuse, and to make changes to improve the safety of children living in state care
Tips on Getting Through the Holidays as Grieving Hero Protective Mothers From The PMA International Team
Because of the overwhelming response from our members/supporters to our post,
Experiencing the Holidays in a Hero Protective Mother’s World
( link below)
and per your many requests, we have decided to explore some tips on getting through the Holidays as grieving Hero Protective Mothers . Although some of these sites and tips are for parents who have lost a child due to death, some suggestions still apply. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest, with love.
Six Tips to Cope with Grief During the Holidays
“What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
The holidays can be an especially difficult time for parents who have lost their children. So many holiday routines and activities revolve around the gathering of family and friends. Yet, bereaved parents may not feel up for celebrating as usual or embracing holiday traditions that they have in the past. Instead of feeling a sense of loss over what the holidays were supposed to be, we can take this as an opportunity to recreate what they will be for our families from now on. The following are tips for enjoying your holidays in the face of grief:
Make Room for Your Feelings
Create New Traditions
Be Generous with Others
◦ Do things that help you feel connected. Spend time with the people you love. Nurture those relationships.
◦ Give of your time, talents, and skills. Sharing can lift spirits and ease burdens.
Be Generous with Yourself
◦ Expect that you will feel sad sometimes. Or angry. Or alone. These are all appropriate feelings. Don’t think of them as being counter-productive. What they really are is an acknowledgement of the intense love you hold for your child.
This article is written by a Gloria Horsley /Psychotherapist, Grief Expert
Let Their Light Shine: Three Tips for Getting Through the Holidays After Loss
Holiday Grief Tips
Remember Grief is Physical and Emotional – When responding to the news of a loss stress hormones are released which put our body in a state of heightened awareness. Reminders and memories of the deceased can trigger these stressed neurological pathways for years. Activities such as yoga, Ti Chi, and meditation have been shown through research to calm the mind. Walking, laughing, hugging and expressing gratitude can also calm the mind and release hormones that relax the body. These activities have been shown to be as effective if not more than anti depressants.
Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping
• Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.
• Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.
• Try these alternatives:
◦ Donate to a charity in someone’s name.
◦ Give homemade gifts.
◦ Start a family gift exchange.
• Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That’ll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
• Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
• Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Try these suggestions:
◦ Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks.
◦ Get plenty of sleep.
◦ Incorporate regular physical activity into each day.
• Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm. Some options may include:
◦ Taking a walk at night and stargazing.
◦ Listening to soothing music.
◦ Getting a massage.
◦ Reading a book.
Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.
64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays
So here it is – 64 pro-tips for coping with grief at the holidays. Why 64 things? Eh, why not 64 things? Take some. Leave some. Love some. Hate Some. Then tell us what has worked for you in holidays past, or how you plan to cope with the holidays this year. Because the holidays are tough for all of us, the least we can do are share our tips and tricks with one another to make the season just a smidge more tolerable.
• Acknowledge that the holidays will be different and they will be tough.
• Decide which traditions you want to keep.
• Decide which traditions you want to change.
• Create a new tradition in memory of your loved one.
• Decide where you want to spend the holidays – you may want to switch up the location, or it may be of comfort to keep it the same. Either way, make a conscious decision about location.
• Plan ahead and communicate with the people you will spend the holiday with in advance, to make sure everyone is in agreement about traditions and plans.
• Remember that not everyone will be grieving the same way you are grieving.
• Remember that the way others will want to spend the holiday may not match how you want to spend the holiday.
• Put out a ‘memory stocking’, ‘memory box’, or other special place where you and others can write down memories you treasure. Pick a time to read them together.
• Light a candle in your home in memory of the person you’ve lost.
• Include one of your loved one’s favorite dishes in your holiday meal.
• Be honest. Tell people what you DO want to do for the holidays and what you DON’T want to do.
• Make a donation to a charity that was important to your loved one in their name.
• Buy a gift you would have given to your loved one and donate it to a local charity.
• If you are feeling really ambitious, adopt a family in memory of your loved one. This can often be done through a church, salvation army, or good will.
• See a counselor. Maybe you’ve been putting it off. The holidays are especially tough, so this may be the time to talk to someone.
• Send a holiday card to friends of your loved one who you may regret having lost touch with.
• Journal when you are having an especially bad day.
• Skip holiday events if you are in holiday overload.
• Don’t feel guilty about skipping events if you are in holiday overload!
Don’t get trapped. When you go to holiday events, drive yourself so you can leave if it gets to be too much.
And don’t forget to check out our very own Wounded Healer series courtesy of our Healing and Prayer Network with valuable healing tips year around, but especially useful during this difficult Holiday time.
We hope some of these suggestions help you through this difficult Holiday, especially for those Hero Protective Moms without their children. Please know you are not alone. We walk beside you and are connected to you through our hearts.
Protective Moms- never forget you are Heroes.
Merry Christmas, Here’s to a better New Year.
The PMA International Team
What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder? Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a very common mental health disorder, affecting 8.7% of people during their lifetime. The core symptoms are: re-experiencing the trauma psychologically (flashbacks and nightmares) avoiding reminders of the trauma emotional numbing hyperarousal (irritability, and being jumpy or constantly “on alter”) Who gets PTSD? PTSD is also known as posttraumatic stress syndrome (PTSS) and is not caused by normal, everyday stress. PTSD can occur at any age, it can occur during childhood, adolescence, adulthood and old age.
Posttraumatic stress disorder affects around 5% of men and 10% of women at some point during their life. Up to one in three people who experience a traumatic event develop PTSD as a result. — National Health Service, UK
PTSD causes different people to react in very different ways, and it can be very disabling. “The disturbance, regardless of its trigger, causes clinically significant distress or impairment in the individual’s social interactions, capacity to work or other important areas of functioning.”
Recovery from PTSD Recovery rates vary: the DSM-5 states around 50% of adults with PTSD may recover within 3 months but some people have PTSD for over a year. In some cases, PTSD has continued for over 50 years, for example in Vietnam war veterans and Holocaust survivors. Santiago et al. (2013) reviewed many studies of PTSD, finding that 50% recovered within 2 years.
As the graph shows, a third of people exposed to trauma develop PTSD (33%), and recovery is significantly quicker in people exposed to unintentional trauma, for example natural disasters, life-threatening illness or accidents.
Factors know to hinder recover, or worsen symptoms after trauma include: reminders of the original trauma normal ‘life stressors’, for example unemployment, illness or bereavement new traumatic experiences worsening physical declining health or cognitive function (in older people) social isolation can exacerbate symptoms
What causes PTSD?
Causes of PTSD: 10 common causes
Only a small percentage of people with PTSD are traumatized by combat. source: Spence et al. (2011).
Being female doubles the risk of a person developing PTSD; the reasons for this are not yet understood.
The type of trauma experienced strongly affects the risk of developing PTSD; many studies show that rape causes the highest rates of PTSD, with over 50% of rape survivors affected.
Read more: http://traumadissociation.com/ptsd
In our continuing Wounded Healer Series , we will now explore the benefits of Aromatherapy, but first let’s review;
What is a Wounded Healer?
A Wounded Healer is someone volunteering or working in the healing profession who is helping others but bleeding from their own wounds while they help.
According to Carl Jung the psychiatrist; a wounded healer must go through their wound. He explains that To go through our wound is to embrace, and say “yes” to the mysteriously painful new place in ourselves where the wound is leading us. Going through our wound, we can allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound. Our wound is not a static entity, but rather a continually unfolding dynamic process that manifests, reveals and incarnates itself through us, which is to say that our wound is teaching us something about ourselves. Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this initiatory process. Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is potentially born (wikipedia).
Some characteristics of a Wounded-Healer;
1 Someone who is helping others and bleeding from their own unhealed wounds at the same time.
2 Not taking care of your own unhealed issues while trying to help heal others.
3 Not filling your own healing cup up after pouring it out for someone else!
Visualize a glass of healing, energy water being poured out to help heal others yet it is left empty. We all need to fill that glass of healing energy back up to keep ourselves healthy.
A Wounded-Healer can truly help no one until her personal wounds are healed or in the process of being healed.
So how do you heal your wounds?
In our Wounded Healer series we explore some ways to pamper yourself and move closer towards a healed new you.
All content provided for PMA International’s Wounded Healer series is for informational purposes only. This content does not represent the PMA International organization as a whole or its members/supporters, state chapter leaders, international leaders, administrators, professional supporters and co-founders. PMA International makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information in the Wounded Healer series or found by following any link in the Wounded Healer Series. The responsibility is yours alone on how this information is used. IN NO EVENT SHALL PMA International BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, PUNITIVE, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OF ANY KIND WITH RESPECT TO THE informational material on the site.
What is aromatherapy?
Aromatherapy is an ancient form of healing that uses natural oils taken from flowers, bark, stems, leaves, roots or other parts of a plant to improve and enhance mental or physical health. The plants are usually inhaled or massaged into the skin. Do not ingest plant essences or oils, as they can be toxic, without consulting a medical doctor first.
Essential oils have been used therapeutically for over centuries by cultures from all over the world including Native Americans, Chinese, Indians, Egyptians, Romans and the Greeks.
Each plant is believed to have its own unique healing property, which is then used to influence your body’s potential to heal. Essential oils are super concentrated plant essences that absorb into the skin and the cells. For this reason, it is important to use only pure, therapeutic-grade essential oils that do not contain added chemicals, fragrances or other additives. Do not apply pure essential oils onto the skin; they need to be diluted first.
How does aromatherapy work?
Researchers speculate that aromatherapy works when the smell receptors in your nose activate areas in your brain that stimulate or influence physical, mental or emotional health. Also, when an essential oil is massaged into your skin, molecules from the oil interact in the blood with hormones or enzymes to affect physical and emotional health.
Common Uses of Aromatherapy Include:
· Natural or DIY cleaning products
· Bath Salts
· Perfumes, Lotions or Massage Oils
· Air Freshener, Incense, Scented Candles or Diffusers
Aromatherapy: University of Maryland Medical Center: http://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/treatment/aromatherapy#ixzz2mO1M0Hxg
The Aromatherapy School: http://www.aromatherapy-school.com
Aromatherapy is an ancient form of medicine that uses essential oils and scents to improve and enhance emotional and physical health.
Essential oils are super concentrated plant essences that absorb into the skin and the cells. For this reason, it is important to use only pure, therapeutic-grade essential oils that do not contain added chemicals, fragrances or other additives. Do not apply pure essential oils onto the skin, they need to be diluted first.
Citrus Scents (lemon, lime, orange, maychang) lift the spirits, ease depression and give energy
Lavendar, Jasmine and Chamomile are used for relaxation. Lavendar may also help ease a headache.
Patchouli boosts positive energy.
Neroli, Rose and Jasmine helps open blocked energy and increases creativity.
Easy Homemade Facials: http://www.easy-aromatherapy-recipes.com/homemade-facials.html
Softening Foot Soak:
4 cups warm milk
2 TBSP Epsom Salt
5-10 drops of essential oil or perfume
Mix together in a basin. Soak your feet for 25-30 min. Pat dry. You may consider using scented lotion on dry feet.
Scent is very important to detecting taste, and the sense of smell is also closely linked to cravings and feelings of satisfaction related to food.
Using fresh herbs, fresh fruits and vegetables, flavored butters, infused oils and meats marinated in natural herbs, seasonings or infused oils will create amazing flavor to your recipes and re-invigorate your senses.
Tips for Cooking and Aromatherapy: http://www.allfoodsnatural.com/article/aromatherapy-and-cooking.html
Aromatherapy and Using Healthy Herbs: http://www.nyrnaturalnews.com/article/aromatherapy-in-your-kitchen-part-1-cooking-with-herbs/
Five Natural Aroma Pot Simmering Recipes: http://www.deniseinbloom.com/5-natural-aroma-simmering-pot-recipes/
Light a Scented Candle
Massage with scented lotion or oatmeal lotion (great for sensitive skin). You can also rub scented lotion on the wrist, temples and feet for a quick boost.
Soak in a bath using scented soap or bath salts.
Homemade Bath Salts:
½ cup Epsom salt or bath salt
Add 5-10 drops of essential oil OR if mixing different oils, 2 drops per fragrance
Stir essential oils into the salts. Store in a glass jar. Pour salts under a running tap, mix well.
(Can also be used to lift your mood)
Fill a glass jar with 1 cup of baking soda and 10-15 drops of essential oil or perfume. For fun, throw in some glitter. Use a nail to prick holes into the top of the jar. Put lid on jar and place in a room, closet or area needing freshening. Baking soda will absorb odors. Shake jar for a refresh.
Place a few drops of essential oils or perfume onto a cotton ball, and place on a dish. Can also place in a closet or drawer (lavender or lemon will keep moths away).
Light a scented candle
(Polishes chrome and metal fixtures. If using essential oils, they will prevent fogging if use on a bathroom mirror.)
1 cup white vinegar
1 cup of water
8-10 drops of essential oil
Combine in a plastic spray bottle and shake before use.
Fill a bucket with hot water. Add ¼ cup white vinegar and 10-15 drops essential oil. Wash and Dry, no rinse.
More floor recipes at: http://www.easy-aromatherapy-recipes.com/homemade-floor-cleaner.html
Clean Garbage Disposal and Freshen Kitchen: Put lemon, lime or orange peels (not the pulp) into the garbage disposal, turn on the hot water for 30-45 seconds and grind together. Do this 1x a month.
FRESHEN & CLEAN MICROWAVE:
Cut up lemon, lime or orange and place in a bowl of water. Microwave the bowl and fruit for 2 minutes. After 2 minutes, remove from microwave (be careful of steam, water will be boiling!). Microwave will smell fresh. Steam makes it easier to clean microwave, and removes tough stains.
Aromatherapy Basic Recipes: http://www.your-aromatherapy-guide.com/aromatherapy-basic-recipes.html
Aroma Web Aromatherapy and Essential Oil Information: http://www.aromaweb.com/
Essential Oil Safety Information: http://www.aromaweb.com/articles/safety.asp
Mood Properties of Essential Oils: http://www.essentialoils.co.za/mood-
Some quotes about Aromatherapy:
“Aromatherapy is a natural, non-invasive modality designed to affect the whole person not just the symptom or disease and to assist the body’s natural ability to balance, regulate, heal and maintain itself by the correct use of essential oils.” Jade Shutes
“..Aromatherapy is a caring, hands-on therapy which seeks to induce relaxation, to increase energy, to reduce the effects of stress and to restore lost balance to mind, body and soul.” Robert Tisserand
“Aromatherapy can be defined as the controlled use of essential oils to maintain and promote physical, psychological, and spiritual wellbeing.” Gabriel Mojay
To read past posts in this series follow the link below
Join us for more posts in our continuing Wounded Healer series.