Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

Posts Tagged ‘Abusers

Domestic Abuse by Proxy – Family Court Abuse Video

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“The mother has to comply with a court order and send her child to be alone with an abusive, violent man.

This is torture for her, and for the child, when they find themselves in a frightening situation, taken from their protector and forced into contact with a man, whom they may have witnessed seeing him beat their mother or who has been abusive to them.

This is abuse by Family Court.”

Domestic Abuse by Proxy, Family Court Abuse: Failing to Protect Children and Mothers” is a powerful and informative video released on Youtube by Family Court Abuse (UK). 

This video describes how abusive ex partners will use the family court system, and manipulate the legal process, to gain control, and inflict further harm of their victims. Abusers also seek custody to cause the most damage to a former partner; by attacking her love, and maternal bond, with her child. An abuser attacks by taking a child away from their mother, and destroying their relationship. Children are also used as pawns by an abuser in other ways designed to terrorize, hurt and harass their victim.

The legal system is a minefield for an abused woman.The process of how the family court system can perpetrate and enable domestic violence to continue is also described in this video.  Family court judges and professionals often lack training in domestic violence, and do not recognize the abuse. Or, the judge and professionals have been so indoctrinated in parental alienation theories, and other prejudices, that they mistake signs of abuse for parental alienation syndrome and discredit legitimate concerns. Or see the mother’s attempts to get help as a sign that something is “wrong” with her. Domestic abuse advocates and experts are rarely consulted by the court system, and a judge has the discretion to disallow or ignore evidence presented by a mother (evidence of abuse, and expert testimony is commonly discredited by judges after a mother has been falsely labelled). Obtaining legal representation is also difficult, most women go to court without an attorney because they can not afford one. An abuser with an attorney has a powerful advantage over her, and gains an ally in the legal system.

Unresolved Trauma

The lives of children are also endangered when Courts work to give an identified abuse custody and/or unsupervised visits. The video mentions that the Courts order “more contact than would be usual, to enable the child and father to ‘quickly establish a relationship’“. This means there is less scrutiny, and less care given to how these decisions are being made, and the effect on the child involved. 

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This video will be familiar to those who have experienced family court, and offers validation to what you have endured. It is also a powerful teaching tool to educate, and raise awareness, of how the family court process fails to protect victims of domestic violence and their children.

 

Note: The end of the video offers suggestions on how to raise awareness of family court injustices by using social media as a platform. PMA International does not offer legal advice or professional services. Reposting this video does not constitute advice or suggestion of any kind. Please use discretion, and take reasonable care, when making decisions. If you need help or legal assistance, please contact a qualified professional and/or organization.

 

 

Car crash in Cuba claims life of pioneering founder of St. Paul women’s shelter/Star Tribune

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One of the “mothers” of the Domestic Violence and battered women’s movement died tragically when she was run over by a car in Cuba.

http://www.startribune.com/local/minneapolis/297658941.html

Sharon Rice Vaughan, a national pioneer from the Twin Cities in providing a safe haven to battered women, was run over by a vehicle and killed while visiting Cuba this week, a family member said Thursday. Vaughan, who lived in St. Paul, was 73.

Vaughan was traveling with a hiking group based in Canada when she was hit Tuesday while crossing a street in Havana, said her son, Thomas Vaughan.

As a VISTA volunteer in 1972, Vaughan and her friends began inviting battered women into their homes. Two years later they created Women’s Advocates, converting a home in St. Paul on Grand Avenue near Dale Street into the nation’s first shelter for battered women and their children.

“She was one of the mothers of the movement,” said Shelley Johnson Cline, executive director of the St. Paul and Ramsey County Intervention Project. “She shifted the nation’s perspective on the issue of domestic violence, no doubt about that.”

Once Women’s Advocates was established, “Sharon soon became a powerful spokeswoman for the hidden plight of battered women and their children,” said Carol Robertshaw, who worked with Vaughan in the late 1980s on a University of Minnesota Public Radio (KUOM-AM) documentary series on battered women. For “Breaking the Silence,” Vaughan received the Association for Women in Communications’ national Clarion Award for best radio documentary series in 1988.

In 1989, during a Star Tribune interview marking the shelter’s 15th anniversary, the single mother of three said, “Women’s Advocates’ philosophy was not to diagnose, but to help the woman find resources and give them a safe place to make decisions. That philosophy was adopted by many other shelters.”

Women’s Advocates pushed for years for the legal protection of battered women and children in Minnesota, lobbying for funding of shelters and safe homes. The shelter also campaigned for the state’s Domestic Abuse Act, which became law in 1979 and allows individuals to obtain a court order for protection without having to file for a divorce or legal separation.

Today, the 15-bedroom Women’s Advocates facility offers shelter, meals, clothing, transportation, counseling and other support to about 1,000 women and children a year.

Vaughan was a faculty member (emeritus) at Metropolitan State University in St. Paul, where she developed and headed its program in community violence prevention. She retired in 2009 from Metro State, where she first taught in the early 1970s.

Vaughan also was a longtime member of the Twin Cities’ Women Against Military Madness (WAMM) and a current board co-chair, said one of the peace organization’s founders, Polly Mann.

“She recognized that women and children were most often victims of war and among the most deeply affected,” Mann said. “As a committed antiwar activist, she participated in marches, rallies and many other actions with WAMM.”

Services for Vaughan are scheduled for 11 a.m. April 2 at the Unity Church-Unitarian, 733 Portland Av., St. Paul. Vaughan is survived by siblings Mary Bandt, of North Oaks; Robert Rice, of Jamestown, N.D.; and Margaret Langland, of Columbia, Mo. She was preceded in death by a daughter, Rachel, and is survived by sons Thomas, of Pocatello, Idaho; and Jeremy, of St. Paul.

Paul Walsh • 612-673-4482

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

March 27, 2015 at 10:41 am

Lundy Bancroft Quote / Abusers

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LundyBancroftsaysfire

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

February 28, 2015 at 7:50 am

The Ray Rice Story Explodes on Twitter

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On Monday, TMZ aired surveillance film from an elevator in an Atlantic City casino that showed former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice beating his then-fiance and now current wife Janay Rice. The brutal assault was captured on film–Rice punched Janay, knocking her out, then dragged her unconscious body out of the elevator.

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Despite the vicious attack, Janay married Rice. And now, a media firestorm has begun, questioning Janay’s decision to marry Rice and stay in the relationship.

Janay used Instagram to explain why she stayed in the relationship and how public exposure of this incident has hurt her family: http://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2014/09/janay_rice_releases_statement.html

Then the hashtag #whyistayed was started by Beverly Gooden, writer, who was touched by the footage of the beating, “For over a year, I was physically abused by my ex-husband. When TMZ released the video of Ray Rice punching, dragging, and spitting on his wife [Monday] morning, the internet exploded with questions about her. Why didn’t she leave? Why did she marry him? Why did she stay? I can’t speak for Janay Rice, but I can speak for Beverly Gooden. Why did I stay? ”

And “I believe in storytelling. I believe in the power of shared experience. I believe that we find strength in community. That is why I created this hashtag.”

#whyIstayed is used by victims of domestic violence to explain what it was like for them to live in an abusive relationship — that it was not easy for them to leave their abuser. Many of the comments reflect that these women feared for their lives, they were dominated and control. PMA International has also heard many stories of women who stayed because they feared their ex would harm or take custody (or kidnap) their children if they left.

To hear more of these heart breaking stories, please visit our Unstoppable Mothers Project and our Love Letters to Our Children Project ( links below)

Unstoppable Mothers;

https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/2014/01/18/unstoppable-mothers/

UNSTOPPABLEmoms

Love Letters To Our Children;
https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/2013/11/20/love-letters-to-our-children-2/

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Another hastag #whyIleft describes the fight for survival, and why the abuse victim left or got help to leave. The two hashtags are trending on Twitter.

The Ravens have since cut Rice from the team, and he is suspended indefinetly from the NFL. Rice says he loves his wife, and that they are in “good spirits” and “support each other”. Janay says she loves her husband, and ” ‘I want people to respect our privacy in this family matter.’

http://www.cleveland.com/interact/2014/09/cleveland-born_author_starts_w.html

http://www.vox.com/2014/9/8/6124703/whyistayed-and-whyileft-hashtags-are-the-most-powerful-things-youll-read?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=vox&utm_content=article-share-top

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30 Red Flags of Manipulative People/ Psychopath Free

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Manipulation Marionette

https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?212-30-Red-Flags

From the book: http://book.psychopathfree.com

There are a lot of phenomenal studies on the traits and characteristics of psychopaths. For professional research, check out Cleckley’s criteria or Hare’s psychopathy checklist. A quick Google search ought to do the trick. The red flags in this book are intended to supplement those resources.

So what’s different about this list? Well, for one, it’s specifically about relationships. But it’s also about you. Each point requires introspection and self-awareness. Because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior—that’s only half the battle. You must also come to recognize the looming red flags in your own heart. Then, you will be ready for anything.

1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side—they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy.

2. Uses sex as a tool for control. After first hooking you with sexual praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate physical intimacy. They use insulting names like “whore” and “slut” to drive this point home. They might also openly comment on their diminishing sex drive.

3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence.

4. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them.

5. Compares you to everyone else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.

6. Lies & excuses. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They will always blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it.

7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. They are also very easily bored by the familiar. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions.

8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy.

9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours.

10. You find yourself playing detective. It’s never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you’re scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. Same with their ex. You’re seeking answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain.

11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand.

12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them. They make passionate statements like “I’ve never felt so happy in my life” in a completely robotic voice. It sounds like an alien trying to explain how they imagine human emotions might feel.

13. You are the only one who sees their true colors. Others will think they’re the nicest person in the world, even though they are used for money, resources, and attention. They won’t care because he/she strategically distracts them with shallow praise (often done over social networking). Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than their relationships.

14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking. They will call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex over social networking for the world to see. They will call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for three days straight.

15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter. You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly.

16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex. You know them by name, and you know everything about their relationship—at least, your partner’s version of events. The ex becomes one of the most frequent topics of discussion in your relationship.

17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.

18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they’re two hours late, don’t forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their mistakes, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you.

19. Suddenly and completely bored by you. Gives you the silent treatment and becomes very annoyed that you seem to be interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You are now a chore to them.

20. The ultimate hypocrite. They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, insult, and degrade. But you are expected to remain perfect.

21. Sometimes it seems as though they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be around you. They adopt different personas for different people—transforming their entire personality to match various audiences. It’s always very eerie when they slip and accidentally use the wrong mask for you. You will start to feel that their personality just doesn’t seem to add up.

22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend who did not come crawling back to them will likely be labeled jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. They will speak about you the same way to their next target.

23. Flatters your deepest insecurities. If you’re self-conscious about your looks, they’ll call you the sexiest person in the world. If you’ve got a need to entertain, they’ll say you’re the funniest person they’ve ever known. They will also mirror your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart.

24. Frequently comments about what you’re wearing and how you look. They try to arrange you. You become obsessed with your appearance, noticing flaws that likely don’t even exist. During and after the relationship, you will spend significantly more time in front of the mirror. (Thank you to our member, ckwanderlust, for these valuable insights).

25. You fear that any fight could be your last. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they’ll lose interest in you.

26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind & cheerful people. Delighted by the idea of breaking up friendships and marriages. If you work hard to maintain interpersonal peace in your life, they will make it their mission to uproot all of it.

27. Gaslighting. Blatantly denies their own manipulative behavior and ignores evidence when confronted with it. They will become angry if you attempt to disprove their delusions with facts.

28. They expect you to read their mind. If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.

29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention. They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.

30. Your feelings. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal, and empty. You will tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

August 23, 2014 at 8:53 pm

Some Ways Parents Alienate

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Here are a few ways personality disordered and abuser parents alienate their children from a protective parent. Feel free to share some other manipulations and games played by these abuser parents in the comments below.

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

August 16, 2014 at 9:39 pm

Lundy Bancroft/ Quote

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

August 8, 2014 at 11:18 am

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