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THE SOCIOPATH WILL ALWAYS ACCUSE YOU OF WHAT THEY ARE GUILTY OF THEMSELF

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The below article was originally posted on: dating a sociopath ( link below)

http://datingasociopath.com/2013/06/08/the-sociopath-will-always-accuse-you-of-what-they-are-guilty-of-themself/

Did you feel like you were going crazy? You were losing your mind? This is all part of the sociopath’s crazy making behaviour.
The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.

Examples of this are

Accusing you of cheating
Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
Accusing you of talking about them
Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves
The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.

You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering about the sociopath.

Bullshit Bingo

It’s all a game to the sociopath. Life is a game. With little inside themselves they spend most of their life playing stupid mind games.

Accusing you of things that they have done themselves, is something that they will do over and over again. The result for you, the victim is

Feeling confused
Feeling violated
Feeling misunderstood
Feeling unheard
Feeling guilty

Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’ – so you feel isolated too
Afterwards, after wasted hours, protesting your innocence, you think

How did that happen?

The truth is right there, you are relieved that the constant questions and accusations have stopped. There is peace again.

Once again, the sociopath has managed to manipulate the situation, and deflect blame back onto you. You have spent another few hours of your time, stressed, anxious and defending your corner.

You feel that yet again there was yet another problem that didn’t need to be there. Some other issue, that didn’t need to be there.

But for the sociopath, it isn’t like that. He is playing a game. Playing a game with your mind and your heart. There are two things that are important to the sociopath

Winning
Control</s
If you were to catch him out in a lie, he would neither win, or be in control. So he will do anything that he can do, to win the game, and control the game.

That is all that it is.

The sociopath probably doesn’t even realise the effect that this has on you. After all, he never thinks about your needs, and this is in terms of both good and bad things. He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.

It is all just a game. A stupid, mindless game. That could continue for the rest of your life if you let it.

Isn’t it time to move forward? To stop playing the stupid game with the sociopath, who could play forever. If you let him. The sociopath doesn’t feel too much, but he does feel satisfaction from

Winning
Being in control
Maybe right now it is time to stop playing the game. To finish the game. Stop playing. It is now time to focus on you. On your needs and your welfare. After all when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.

Endless stress and endless drama. that is the relationship with the sociopath. There comes a time, when the only thing to do, is to put in place no contact rules, stick to them, and focus on you, and loving yourself and creating your own beautiful world. A world where there isn’t someone constantly trying to pull you apart.

You deserve so much better 🙂

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

June 10, 2015 at 1:40 am

Flying Monkeys/ Tela- Sociopathlife

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This article was original posted on Sociopathlife.com ( link below)

http://sociopathlife.com/2015/06/08/flying-monkeys/

You have been searching the internet trying to figure out what the hell kind of person you have or are involved with. After reading for countless hours, you have determined that the person is a Narcissistic Sociopath. They have met the criteria LIST. You are a mental and emotional DISASTER. You wonder why you did not see the RED FLAGS. And how easily they are/were a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!!!!

So while reading about the piece of shit person that has ruined your life, you come across words such as: GASLIGHTING, EVIL, FEMALE SOCIOPATH, NO CONTACT etc. This article is going to be about the words Flying Monkey’s.

A Flying Monkey in a Sociopaths life is a person or persons who do their dirty work. Once the Sociopath has totally discredited you to any and everyone who would listen, as well as the Flying Monkey(s), that person/person(s) then reports back to the Sociopath what you are doing in your life. Sometimes by direct contact, other times indirect contact. For instance, the Sociopath can have a best friend (we all know they have no friends), who could be a mutual friend of yours. That person~ now a Flying Monkey will let the Sociopath know they have seen you or spoken to you, and given a full report on what is happening in your life. Fucked up? YES!! They may even act as thought they believe everything you are saying about the Sociopath. Do not be fooled. They have been brainwashed and under the SOCIOPATH POSION. A parent will also use the children as Flying Monkey’s and turn them against you.

Why do Sociopaths have Flying Monkey’s? Because they know once they DISCARDED you, and totally SMEARED your name/character, they still have to have that control over you, even if they have moved onto a new person!!!! So this is where the Flying Monkey’s are essential to the Sociopath, to let them know EVERYTHING that is going on with you. If the Sociopath knows you are an emotional wreck, that feeds them!!! If the Sociopath knows they have mentally & emotionally abused you so much that you cannot move forward~ HUGE win for the Sociopath. If you allow the Sociopath to contact you over and over, break up, make up, break up, make up etc. score another HUGE win for the Sociopath, and……..success for the Flying Monkey’s in their life. Even the children. If they come back and say ‘mommy or daddy (_________)’, win for the Sociopath.

flying monkey

Why does the Sociopath even care what you are doing once they have moved on? MOST DO NOT!!! The one’s that do, are because YOU are still feeding them, YOU are still allowing them to suck any happiness out. YOU are the one who cannot let go.

It is extremely imperative that you are aware of the Flying Monkey’s in the Sociopaths life. Be it family members, friends, co-workers, mutual friends etc. Be mindful of how you present yourself and what comes out of your mouth when dealing with the Flying Monkey’s, as it is certain everything is being reported back to the Sociopath. Which is therefore used as more ammunition against you. Be it emotional blackmail, parental alienation, financial hostage and so on.

getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. you have to let go at some point to move forward c.s. lewis

©SociopathLife.Com

control_freak

Silent abuse – The mind game by Teresa Cooper / No 2 abuse

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This article was originally posted on No 2 Abuse ( link below)

http://www.no2abuse.com/index.php/articles/comments/silent-abuse-the-mind-game-by-teresa-cooper

We have all suffered many forms of abuse but the least talked about is “The mind game” otherwise known as the silent treatment; ie deliberately ignored to cause harm to another persons mental well being, sent to Coventry, deliberate sabotage to a persons life or/and credibility and is one of the most harmful methods of abuse used by abusers who feel that

“If they do not use their hands to physically abuse then it isn’t abuse.”

Wrong

It is abuse to ignore someones needs emotionally and make them feel worthless, depressed and will cause long term damage so much so that in many cases it can lead to the victims physical health being harmed.

To deliberately cause harm to someone by use of the silent treatment, deny a person any emotional care, deny them any praise, starve them of love, affection, compliments, positive feed back, to regularly reject, degrade and deny a person any emotional responsiveness and to ignore a persons needs is mental abuse or also known as psychological abuse. It is repetitive abuse that’s aimed at controlling, diminishing another persons well being in order to hurt, punish, harm or control them.

The silent abuser is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing his victim and will deny he is the problem and he may tell himself or others that he is the victim.

You stop being a victim when you become the abuser

The abuser is capable of closing down all reasonable sense of emotions and turn into a cold heart very fast as he withdraws into his own world without any care for his victims distress . The abuser will behave in society charming, calm, happy, he will be seen by others as a pillar of society, gentle natured, helpful, kind, caring and fool the outside world into thinking he is abused and his partner is the abuser. This is classic of a mental abuser. They will have their partner labelled a mental case whilst he plays the victim and saint and makes her the subject of of every ones rejection by labelling her with an unbalanced mind.

The true victim will be further rejected not only by her abuser but also by his friends, work colleagues, family and others he is likely to meet. The abuser needs to feel in control and he will seek constant approval from those around him and convince them that he’s the true victim. They will offer him advice and he will feed off their pity which will make him feel even more in control as he plays the victim.

The true victims may withdraw from all social activities, work, stop seeing family, they stop being fun, will see everything in a negative light, stop eating which is the start of dangerous health issues, cry alone, send text terror messages as a means to fight back which only gives the abuser more ammunition to abuse her with as he will use that as a further excuse to ignore and make her look bad in front of others. The abuser will happily share the text messages because he wants everyone to see him as the victim. The true victim will stop functioning on all levels as the mind games take over her life. She will find it hard to think of anything else but what is happening to her. The victim will fight with her own mind and struggle to work out if she is being abused or is she truly the problem. The victim may start behaving irrationally from the stress caused by the mental abuse.

Mental abuse is not normally seen by anyone on the outside looking in because they see the abuser as a strong, calm, caring and sincere person and will not be able to see the true character behind the person in front of them that they think they know so well.

Do you really know the person standing next to you?

Out of all the abuse I suffered (I am female), the one part of the abuse I have always struggled with is “being ignored” and made to feel I was in some way, the problem. When I begged for the abuser to stop he didn’t listen and when I sought help, no one listened. The more I was ignored the more it built up an extreme and unlikely intolerance for being “ignored” which has stayed with me as an adult. I left care with that intolerance to the ugly side of human nature that often sees many people misuse the silent treatment to harm others. Some justify this behaviour and kid themselves that it’s in some way an honourable stance to take. Ignoring someone briefly when done to express dissatisfaction is very different to the silent treatment. To ignore someone as a regular means to punish, hurt or upset someone as payback or for whatever reason, is in my opinion and the opinions of experts to be considered, one of the worst forms of mental abuse that exists in human nature.

It causes irreparable damage to a person’s mind and will see the victims behaviour change slowly but noticeably when its out of control, especially by others who are close and on the outside looking in. There are times the abuse continues and the victims show now outward signs to those who are close while the mental abuser witnesses the dramatic and extreme behaviour change in a direct response to his/her mental abuse in the “silent treatment”.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment and control and the person using it to harm another, feels a lack of care, responsibility or remorse and can not or will not communicate as she/he watches the victim slowly deteriorate.

Someone who was once a lively, happy and fun person to be around turns into a whole new personality and becomes withdrawn, reclusive or maybe verbally aggressive to the abuser in a vain bid to stop the abuse of the mind.

The person dishing out the “silent treatment is FULLY aware of the damage they are doing and they are FULLY aware that all they need to do to stop the abuse is to simply talk to the victim. The abuser will not talk to the victim when in control mode and when he does he will constantly lead the victim into a false sense of security at leisure, only to ignore again.

The abuser will provoke any situation with silence which inevitably triggers off the victim who can never work out what has happened to warrant more silent treatment. Each time the victim finds himself/herself fighting desperately with the abuser in a vain bid to stop her/him giving the silent treatment all over again. Its a catch 22 for most when dealing with a narcissistic personality.

The victims behaviour can change so dramatically he/she is hardly recognized as being the same person. Every time the silent treatment begins the victim is pulled further and further down and the abuser sits back and carries on with daily chores, blatantly ignoring the victim whom is obviously so distressed that no normal thinking individual person could or would sit back and watch such a shocking display of suffering.

The victim may withdraw completely, stop talking i.e. friends, stop socializing, stop eating, start drinking, stop working, start text terrorism against the abuser as a defence mechanism of protection but it never works, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and that’s just a few of the side effects of a victim suffering from mental abuse.

The “silent treatment” otherwise named as “deliberate intent to ignore” or “ATCH” which means ‘absent to cause harm’ which is where an abuser completely cuts the victim off and the abuser will not budge. They often acknowledge in their own minds that the victim is suffering but do nothing about it, walk away and simply ignore it.

The latter is a very dangerous form of mental abuse.

I have often heard stories of men ignoring their partner, even after causing such distress that she has taken to self-harm or attempts to take her own life. The mental abuse has weakened her once strong mind into a nerve wrecking display of self doubt and depression.

The abuser will hear her calls of desperation and he will empty himself of all emotions and walk away. He will show no emotions as she tries to take her own life. He will convince himself that she deserves it for hurting his feelings by trying to fight back.

Its not often friends get to witness the mental abuse of the systematic silent treatment or mind games from a partner because it is silent.

In some cases friends will witness erratic behaviour of the victim but cant quite understand what’s going on because the victim will blame everything but her abusive partner.

It is rare anyone on the outside of the relationship sees the suffering of the victim as the abuse often like most forms of abuse stays “within the immediate relationship”.

The male abusers friends will only see their charming friend who they all love because he will do anything for them but seldom do his friends or family witness what he is doing to his partner. They will only see the abusers partners displays of distress especially when triggered in a public place or social gathering.

The “silent treatment, ignoring or ATCH” abuser is fully aware of their actions and fully aware they are causing a significant amount of harm to the victim in most cases but there are those who do believe they are the victim.

The victim may at times have the odd outburst in front of others or in a public place. The abuser will then inform his family of every little thing his victim/partner does as he seeks refuge in their company and portrays himself as the victim in need of support, because he has a totally “maniac” partner whose lost the plot.

He is then seen as the wonderful soul who is good enough to tolerate such a manic person in a relationship.

This form of mental abuse is used more often by the man than a woman but men do suffer this same form of abuse and they too remain silent because they do not want to be seen as imasculine.

Eventually once the victim has been totally broken down by the mental abuser, she will give up fighting back, beg for forgiveness and beg the abusive partner to forgive her.

She may well go to the extremes to try and make it up to her man because she has been slowly drawn in and is now under his mind control.

The man will continue to use this method of mind control and ignore, use the silent treatment or ATCH tactics until his partner has been totally exhausted, feels totally helpless and it opens her up to being controlled just so he can get what he wants.

Sadly this form of abuse has seen the deaths of women who self-harmed or taken their lives when their cries for help are ignored by the abuser. It can be a consequence of the action.

Self-harm – deliberate cutting or mutilation of one’s own body including ripping hair out, stop eating, stop going out, withdraw from society, cut off hair, stay in bed, over eat or attempt suicide.

The reason I am touching on this subject is because I have seen a number of women email me on facebook who are going through this right now with their Turkish partners or they have just left such an abusive relationship and sit in silence blaming themselves.

I also want to touch on this subject because I am a survivor of child abuse and I myself have gone through the mental abuse process and contrary to what people believe, it is not easy to leave such a controlling relationship.

Men who have been abused as children physically, sexually or mentally and/or suffered abuse by a parent due to the damaging effects of poverty are well known for using the “silent treatment, ignoring and ATCH” methods to punish and control their partners.

These men will convince themselves they are not abusing because they haven’t physically hit the woman and he will convince her he’s very good to her by not saying anything.

He will almost always convince himself he’s the victim and show no remorse at all for the suffering he is causing by punishing and controlling someone he claims to love.

These men are often found unwilling to contribute to the relationship they are in and show little or no care or respect for their partner .

He expects her to hold the entire relationship together all by herself whilst he laps up the comfort of control and does nothing to contribute or support the relationship. He will not show emotions when challenged or he may eventually turn to violence when confronted.

Ignoring a partner may also be a sign of infidelity or a man who is not in control of his own emotions and shuts down.

Regardless of the circumstances, mental abuse and the negative power of the “silent treatment, being deliberately ignored or the ATCH” abuse is never the less very damaging for those on the receiving end and needs to be address by either the abuser entering therapy or for the victim to leave the situation.

If the man recognizes he’s an abuser he can seek help from a professional.

The victim must seek professional help to get out of such an abusive relationship before she is so worn down it will diminish her life slowly but surely.

When does the silent abuse turn into physical abuse?

shhhh

When the Narcissist Becomes Dangerous/Psych Central

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http://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2014/12/when-the-narcissist-becomes-dangerous/

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Recently at a dinner party, talk turned to the current news story about Bill Cosby. As the only psychologist at the table, everyone looked at me as one person asked with intense curiosity, “How could anyone victimize women all those years, and still live with himself? How could you sleep at night?”

Since I don’t know Bill Cosby, I can’t speak for him; nor do I know if he is guilty of the accusations against him or not. But generally, in an actual situation like this, there is an answer to the question. The answer is one word: narcissism.

In many ways, it seems like it would be fun to be narcissistic. Wouldn’t it be great to go through life feeling superior to other people, and with unwavering self-confidence? Yes!

But as we all know, there is a dark side to narcissism. That unwavering self-confidence is as brittle as an eggshell. Narcissists don’t move back and forth on a continuum of self-esteem as the rest of us do. Instead, they run on full-tilt until something taps that protective shell of self-importance hard enough. Then, they fall into a million pieces. Under that fragile, brittle cover lies a hidden pool of insecurity and pain. Deep down, the narcissist’s deepest and most powerful fear is that he is a nothing.

With his brash, self-centered ways, the narcissist can hurt the people around him emotionally, and often. His deepest fear is of being exposed as “a nothing.” So he will protect his own fragile shell above all else, even if it sometimes emotionally harms the people he loves the most.

Why is the narcissist in such fear of being a nothing? Because she was raised by parents who responded to her on a superficial level, lauding or even worshiping certain aspects of her which they valued, while completely ignoring or actively invalidating her true self, including her emotions. So most narcissists grew up essentially over-valued on one level, and ignored and invalidated on another (Childhood Emotional Neglect – CEN). CEN on its own does not cause narcissism, but combined with other essential ingredients, it plays a part.

Some narcissists need to do more than just protect their shell. Their need to be special is so great that they also need to feed it with accolades, acknowledgment, or their own personal version of specialness.

This is when narcissism becomes dangerous.

There are four characteristics of the narcissist which can work together to make him a danger. They are:

The need to protect his inflated sense of self can make him desperate.
The need to feed his sense of specialness can drive him to violate others’ boundaries.
Lack of empathy for others can make him incapable of seeing when he hurts others.
His belief that he is special can make it easy for him to rationalize his actions.

Most narcissists do not pose any real danger to the people around them (except perhaps emotionally). The risk comes from #2. What’s his Special Ingredient? What does the narcissist need to feed his specialness?

Does he need to have a “special relationship” with young boys, like Jerry Sandusky (severe boundary violations)? Does he need to be seen as a mentor to Olympic wrestlers like John DuPont, as portrayed in The Foxcatcher (exploitation)?

What does the narcissist need to feed his specialness, to what lengths will he go to get it, and is his specialness extreme enough to enable him to rationalize his behavior? Those are the factors which determine a narcissistic person’s potential dangerousness.

Jerry Sandusky said that he felt his special relationship with boys was helpful to the boys. John DuPont appeared to rationalize that his money and privilege would make his minions better wrestlers.

If you have a narcissist in your life: a parent, sibling, friend, spouse, or ex, it is possible to manage the relationship in a healthy way. Your best approach is to walk a figurative tightrope. Have empathy for the pool of pain that lies beneath the surface of your narcissist’s blustery shell. Understand that he or she is protecting herself from the hurt that she experienced in childhood. But at the same time, it is vital to protect yourself as well. Keep your boundaries intact.

Do not let your compassion make you vulnerable.

To learn more about the effects of emotional invalidation in childhood, see EmotionalNeglect.com;or the book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect.

Mirror, mirror…Who’s more narcissistic?/ Dr Drew HLN

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http://www.hlntv.com/article/2015/03/06/whos-most-narcissistic-men-or-women

Which is the more narcissistic of the sexes?

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Men! That’s according to a study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin, which drew from a pile of data collected from 475,000 participants over three decades.

Researchers at the University at Buffalo School of Management looked at how each gender measured up in three aspects of narcissism: leadership/authority, grandiose/exhibitionism and entitlement.

Men outscored women by the widest gap on their likelihood to exploit other people. In terms of leadership/authority…you guessed it: “Compared with women, men exhibit more assertiveness and desire for power,” says Emily Grijalva, Ph.D., the study’s lead author. But when it came to exhibitionism, both genders were equally guilty of vanity and self-absorption.

Narcissistic personality disorder is not the same thing as healthy self-esteem. According to Psychology Today, self-esteem represents “an attitude built on accomplishments we’ve mastered … and care we’ve shown toward others.” Narcissism, on the other hand, comes from fear and inadequacy. It “encourages envy and hostile rivalries [and]…favors dominance.”

Keith Campbell, a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and the author of “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement” told CBS News he believes narcissism is genetic and cultural. “Telling your child he’s special has risks,” said Campbell.

So, how does narcissism manifest itself? Askmen.com reports on the Buffalo study, which cites a variety of behaviors, including the “inability to maintain healthy long-term relationships, aggression in response to perceived threats … academic dishonesty, white-collar crime,” etc.

Does that make Segun Oduolowu, a social commentator who appears on HLN’s “Dr. Drew on Call” a narcissist? Last year, during a segment about the personality of Russian leader Vladimir Putin, Oduolowu quipped “I’m a card-carrying narcissist myself…I’m on TV. But I don’t take my shirt off as much as this guy, and he runs a country.” Today, Segun clarified that he was joking: “As a television personality, one must think highly of himself. However, true narcissism is destructive. There’s a fine line between self-confidence and conceit.”

Dr. Drew On Call airs Monday through Thursday on HLN at 9 p.m. ET. Follow the show on Facebook and Twitter @DrDrewHLN.

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

March 11, 2015 at 3:56 am

Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps/ Sam Vaknin

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

January 12, 2015 at 4:00 am

Narcissist Personality Disorder

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

December 17, 2014 at 6:01 am

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