Protective Mothers' Alliance International

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Posts Tagged ‘PMA INTL

Merry Christmas to The Quintessential Hero- The Protective Mother

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Of all the rights of woman, the greatest is to be a mother― Lin Yutang

As we once again face the holidays, many protective mothers are without their precious children. The pain of having to live a life under these circumstances is unbearable.

We know because we also live it.

In times like this our grief and loss is felt three fold. Once for ourselves, once for our children and once for all the other protective mothers and children who one day found themselves in a nightmarish club of mothers in which they never wanted a membership- the Protective Mother.

In times like this we wish we could reach through our computers and give you a big warm nurturing hug. We wish we had a magic wand to wave and bring your children back. We wish we could erase the memory of the trauma and pain for both you and your children, heal you and make you whole and happy again.

If we could speak to your estranged child we would let them know how very special their mother is.

How she fought for you when she had nothing left in her to fight. How she spent years, and in some cases, decades putting her life on hold sacrificing her happiness, health and finances just to protect you from control, and abuse while keeping you safe in her arms.

Day after day dealing with attorneys, who betrayed and demeaned her, while quickly and greedily devouring her finances. Appearing in court before Judges who bullied and controlled her. Attending endless meetings with Evaluators, Therapists and Guardian Ad Litems who make her jump through impossible, and inhumane high hoops that your other parent was not forced to jump through.

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Did she jump? Oh yes. Over and over and over again your protective mother twisted herself up, denied her pain , took the torture and abuse with a quiet smile on her face and a small exasperated sigh.

Lied on repeatedly , humiliated and abused your mother soldiered on, just for you- for the unstoppable, unconditional love your protective mother has for you runs deeper than anything you can ever imagine.

Isn’t this what heroes do? Heroes absorb the pain take the abuse and live the sacrifice, for the greater good. In this case , the greater good was protecting you.

We would tell these children that their mother is not just any mother, she is not just a single mother. Your mother is all that, yet so much more. Your Protective Mother is a beautiful light in this dark world, she is a warrior for truth and justice, she is an angel of love.

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Yes, the greatest right for a woman is to be a mother, but for women who had this right unjustly stripped from them due to corruption, misogyny, ignorance, and greed, they had to claw , dig and sustain the deepest of wounds that may never heal from their nobel fight.Your Protective Mother was fueled by the fire of her deep love for you burning in her heart and soul. Your Protective Mother attempted to regain this right so both of you can be happy together, loving each other in peace and free from all forms of control and abuse. Your Protective Mother is not just any mother, she is a super mother -the quintessential hero.

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For all the Protective Mothers this Holiday who are without their precious children, PMA International wants you to know- you have our love, respect, support and understanding – always. Here’s to a better New Year.
The PMA International Team

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A Treat for Halloween from PMA International / Michael Jackson Ghosts

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 31, 2014 at 11:57 pm

Happy Halloween From PMA International

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 31, 2014 at 9:14 pm

PMA International Thanks You

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PMA International continues on our journey establishing ourselves as being an innovative , instrumental and groundbreaking leader in the Mothers Movement. PMA International leads the way in these areas;

1. The first organization to be international
2. The first organization to use Facebook for advocacy on family court issues
3. The first organization to use the term DV by Proxy- Domestic Violence by Proxy (DV by Proxy), is a term first used by Alina Patterson, author of Health and Healing. DV by Proxy refers to a pattern of behavior by an abuser parent with a history of domestic violence intimidation and control. This abuser parent uses the child as a substitute when he no longer has access to his former partner. This is done by manipulation and lies teaching the child to hate the targeted parent. This process is further fueled by the child’s traumatic bonding to the abuser parent.
4. The first organization to have a blog talk radio show dedicated to this issue
5. The first organization to have a no abuse zone policy
6. The first organization to combine Art with Advocacy  with our original PMA projects such as Love Letters to Our Children, Unstoppable Mothers and Lundy’s original play about family court issues.
7. The first organization to use Pinterest for advocacy on family court issues.
8 The first organization led by a group of protective mother-driven advocates.
9. The first organization to recognize and promote Protective Mothers as heroes

10. The first organization to recognize and promote the teaching of critical thinking skills to our children for protection from DV By Proxy.

And, of course, the only organization co- founded by Lundy Bancroft, including his participation and full stamp of approval.

For the few who do not know who Lundy Bancroft is, please read all about him here;

http://www.lundybancroft.com/homepage/lundy-bancroft

PMA International is all this and so much more. Thank you to our members, Leaders and Administrators for your support in making PMA International a forward- thinking groundbreaking, organization for change. We will continue to move forward in unique and creative ways. We will continue to be innovative and think “outside the box” to raise awareness and bring positive change to family court abuse and corruption. We love and support you and your precious children…. Always

PMA International …. A family of advocates

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Under the Microscope – Who is Samantha Williams?

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As the PMA International U.S.A Regional Director/Healing and Prayer Warrior Administrator I have the great honor of interviewing the newest member of the PMA International team; Samantha Williams. Samantha who is a second year law student has her own history with family court. Samantha is our Hear Us NOW administrator and we predict great things for her future. In the tradition of PMA International , below are the interview questions that we call Under The Microscope, These questions are borrowed from a French series, “Bouillon de Culture” hosted by Bernard Pivot.
They’re better known as the questions that James Lipton asks every guest at the end of “Inside the Actor’s Studio” show. So, Here they are PMA International style! Sit back , relax and join us in getting to know this intelligent, articulate , gracious young women- Samantha Williams, who is now Under The Microscope.

E.J; What’s your favorite word?
S.W; cool

E.J; What’s your least favorite word?
S.W; abuse

E.J; What turns you on creatively, spiritually and emotionally?
S.W; Hanging out with my friends

E.J; What turns you off?
S.W; Creepy guys and snakes

E.J; What sound or noise do you love?
S.W; The sound of my mom’s voice

E.J; Awwww How sweet!!

E.J: What sound or noise do you hate?
S.W: Car horn

E.J: We understand you are in law school, so what profession other than law would you like to attempt?
S.W: A veterinarian

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E.J: What profession would you not like to do?
S.W: undertaker, creepy.

E.J: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
S.W: Your Grandma has been waiting to see you.

E.J: What’s your favorite color?
S.W: Blue, like the sky.

E.J: What’s your favorite food?
S.W Italian. Loooove pasta!!!

E.J: If you could live anywhere,where would you live?
S.W: Hawaii Love the beach!!

E.J: What is your dream vacation?
S.W: African safari

E.J: If you had a magic wand to do anything with, what would you do?
S.W: I would make family court better for moms and kids. I would also bring the children back to their moms and take away the brainwashing that has been done to them
E.J: Very nice.

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E.j: Why did you begin this journey as an advocate?
S.W: Because I know through my own experience what children go through in family court. I want to help those children and adult children of protective moms heal and find each other again.

E.J: What motivates you?
S.W: Ice cream
E.J: That’s easy. Any special flavor?
S.W: Rocky Road…I can eat a gallon forever!

E.J: Well Samantha our readers will thank you as do I and we’re done. Thank you for all you do for Hear Us NOW!!! We know you will have a big impact as an advocate for change. PMA International appreciates you very much. Good luck in law school.
S.W Thank you. I love all the advocates at PMA everyone is so supportive. Thank you E.J. It was real.

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

September 25, 2014 at 8:50 am

The Ray Rice Story Explodes on Twitter

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On Monday, TMZ aired surveillance film from an elevator in an Atlantic City casino that showed former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice beating his then-fiance and now current wife Janay Rice. The brutal assault was captured on film–Rice punched Janay, knocking her out, then dragged her unconscious body out of the elevator.

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Despite the vicious attack, Janay married Rice. And now, a media firestorm has begun, questioning Janay’s decision to marry Rice and stay in the relationship.

Janay used Instagram to explain why she stayed in the relationship and how public exposure of this incident has hurt her family: http://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2014/09/janay_rice_releases_statement.html

Then the hashtag #whyistayed was started by Beverly Gooden, writer, who was touched by the footage of the beating, “For over a year, I was physically abused by my ex-husband. When TMZ released the video of Ray Rice punching, dragging, and spitting on his wife [Monday] morning, the internet exploded with questions about her. Why didn’t she leave? Why did she marry him? Why did she stay? I can’t speak for Janay Rice, but I can speak for Beverly Gooden. Why did I stay? ”

And “I believe in storytelling. I believe in the power of shared experience. I believe that we find strength in community. That is why I created this hashtag.”

#whyIstayed is used by victims of domestic violence to explain what it was like for them to live in an abusive relationship — that it was not easy for them to leave their abuser. Many of the comments reflect that these women feared for their lives, they were dominated and control. PMA International has also heard many stories of women who stayed because they feared their ex would harm or take custody (or kidnap) their children if they left.

To hear more of these heart breaking stories, please visit our Unstoppable Mothers Project and our Love Letters to Our Children Project ( links below)

Unstoppable Mothers;

https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/2014/01/18/unstoppable-mothers/

UNSTOPPABLEmoms

Love Letters To Our Children;
https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/2013/11/20/love-letters-to-our-children-2/

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Another hastag #whyIleft describes the fight for survival, and why the abuse victim left or got help to leave. The two hashtags are trending on Twitter.

The Ravens have since cut Rice from the team, and he is suspended indefinetly from the NFL. Rice says he loves his wife, and that they are in “good spirits” and “support each other”. Janay says she loves her husband, and ” ‘I want people to respect our privacy in this family matter.’

http://www.cleveland.com/interact/2014/09/cleveland-born_author_starts_w.html

http://www.vox.com/2014/9/8/6124703/whyistayed-and-whyileft-hashtags-are-the-most-powerful-things-youll-read?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=vox&utm_content=article-share-top

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Unstoppable Mothers / Quote

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UNSTOPPABLEmoms

The Parenting of Men Who Batter / Lundy Bancroft / Court Review

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Lundy Bancroft Court Review – Summer 2002

Click to access CR39-2Bancroft.pdf

It’s Saturday morning in the Franklin home.* Breakfast is rushed
because Marty, who is 12 years old, and his sister Rhonda, 9,
have early soccer games. Their mother, Donna, is scurrying
around while her husband, Troy, eats and reads the morning paper.
Marty grumbles to his mother, “Ma, hurry up! I told you last week,
the coach picks the starting players 20 minutes before game time.”
His mother snaps back, “If you had washed your uniform last
night like I asked you to, we wouldn’t be in such a hurry.” Rhonda
pipes in, “I did mine.”
Marty shoots his sister a dirty look and says, “Oh, I guess I just
can’t compete with goody two-shoes here. Hey, maybe my soccer
suit is dirty, but at least I don’t get the Bitch of the Year Award.”
Donna reacts sternly, saying, “Don’t talk that way to your sis-
ter, young man!” Troy now glances up from his paper, annoyed.
“How the hell do you expect Marty to react? If he’s not absolutely
perfect, both of you are all over him.”
“Never mind, Dad,” Marty breaks in flippantly, “I’m used to it.
If one of them isn’t bitching at me, it’s the other.”
Donna’s blood begins to boil as Troy returns to reading. “Your
son just called me a bitch. You’re his father—you have nothing to
say about it?” Troy half rises out of his seat. “Yeah, I do have
something to say. If you would conduct yourself like an adult,
instead of getting all hysterical, things wouldn’t get like this with
the children. Don’t be so damn sensitive. Marty didn’t call you a
bitch, he said you bitch at him, which is true. You do.”
Marty laughs. Rhonda does too, then immediately feels
ashamed toward her mother and turns red in the face. Their
mother yells loudly at Troy, “It’s not me! You’re the problem here,
you’re just encouraging his bad attitude!”
Troy pounces out of his seat yelling back, “That’s enough out of
you, you goddamned bitch!” Troy then hurls his newspaper to the
floor and shoves Donna hard toward the kitchen door so that she
stumbles and falls. “Get the hell out of here, right now,” he screams,
“or you’ll be sorry!” Donna bursts into tears and runs up to the
bedroom. Marty and Rhonda are left trembling, although Marty
forces a smile and mumbles to Rhonda, “What the hell does Mom
expect?”
The published research on children’s exposure to domestic
violence focuses largely on two aspects of their experience: the
trauma of witnessing physical assaults against their mother,
and the tension produced by living with a high level of conflict
between their parents.
As important as these factors are, they
reflect only one aspect of many complex problems that typi-
cally pervade the children’s daily lives. The bulk of these diffi-
culties have their roots in the fact that the children are living
with a batterer present in their home. The parenting charac-
teristics commonly observed in batterers have implications for
the children’s emotional and physical well-being, their rela-
tionships with their mothers and siblings, and the develop-
ment of their belief systems. All of these issues need to be
examined in making determinations regarding custody and
visitation in cases involving histories of domestic violence.
THE BATTERER PROFILE: IMPLICATIONS FOR CHILDREN
Batterers have been established to have a profile that distin-
guishes them from non-battering men. Each of these identified
characteristics can have an impact on children’s experience and
development. Some of the critical areas that court personnel
should be aware of include:
Control
Coerciveness is widely recognized as a central quality of battering men 2 It is commonly true that one of the
spheres of the battered woman’s life that is subject to heavy
control by the batterer is her parenting. In some cases, this
control begins even before the children are born, through such
behaviors as the batterer refusing to use birth control, requir-
ing or forbidding the woman to terminate a pregnancy, or caus-
ing her pregnancy through a sexual assault.3
Once children are born, the batterer may overrule the mother’s parenting decisions, and he may enforce his will by verbally abusing the
mother or physically assaulting her when he is angry about the
children’s behavior or when she does not cede to his parenting
directives,4 as the opening scenario illustrates. Researchers
have found that battered women are far more likely than other
women to feel that they must alter their parenting styles when
their partners are present.5 Thus, children are being raised in
a context where their mother cannot safely use her best judge-
ment about how to care for them

Entitlement
: Batterers generally have much higher rates than
other men of believing that they are entitled to use violence
toward female partners when they deem it to be necessary,6 and
to take an overall stance in the relationship of claiming supe-
rior status and expecting catering and deference.7Troy exhibits
his entitlement and sense of superiority by, for example, con-
tributing nothing to the work of a very busy morning and
actively encouraging his son’s negative attitudes toward
females.
Clinical observation indicates that the higher a batterer’s
level of entitlement, the more likely he is to chronically behave
in selfish and self-centered ways. He may, for example, become
irate or violent when he feels that his partner is paying more
attention to the children than to him, which can make it diffi-
cult for the mother to properly meet the children’s physical and
emotional needs. Similarly, he may treat the mother like a ser-
vant in front of the children, so that they learn to disrespect her
and treat her in a similar fashion. In addition, many batterers
cause role reversal in their relationships with their children,
where the children are made to feel responsible to take care of
the battering parent and meet his needs. This can create a bur-
den of parentification for the children, in addition to making
them more vulnerable to sexual abuse.
Manipulation
: A batterer commonly is manipulative of fam-
ily members, using such tactics as dishonesty, false promises,
and the sowing of divisions to increase his power and escape
accountability.8 Batterers tend, for example, to cultivate a pub-
lic image of generosity and kindness. When children observe
the batterer’s popularity in the community, they can become
more likely to blame their mother or themselves for the abuse
in the home, because other people do not seem to believe that
their father has a problem. Manipulation may also involve
lying to the children, or drawing them in as agents of the
abuse, as exhibited by Troy when he get his children to laugh
at inappropriate jokes about their mother. Children who are
traumatized by exposure to violent acts are at greater risk of
being psychologically harmed by such manipulation than chil-
dren who are less emotion-
ally vulnerable.
Possessiveness
: Men who batter commonly perceive their partners as owned objects,9 and this outlook extends to their children in many cases. Many clients of mine have,for example, defended their physical or sexual abuse of the children by insisting that it is their paternal prerogative to treat their children as they see fit. Batterers’ possessiveness toward both partners and
children can have important post-separation implications. For
example, batterers have been found to seek custody at higher
rates than non-battering fathers do,10 and to be at their great-
est risk of committing homicide of women or children during
and after the break-up of a relationship. 11 Parents who per-
ceive children as possessions have been observed to have high
rates of child abuse in general,12 and the link between such
attitudes and incest perpetration is widely noted. 13
This is a brief and partial review of the batterer profile. Each
of the characteristics commonly found in batterers, including
denial and minimization about their abusive and violent
actions, battering in multiple relationships, and high level of
resistance to change, can have an important impact on chil-
dren who are exposed to them. 14
RISK OF CHILD ABUSE
The various published studies of physical abuse of children
by batterers indicate that roughly half of batterers repeatedly
assault children in the home, a rate about 700% that of non-
battering men.15
An equally substantial body of research finds
batterers four or more times more likely than other men to sex-
ually abuse their children or stepchildren. Exposure to domes-
Summer 2002 – Court Review 45
A batterer commonly is manipulative of family members,using such tactics as dishonesty, false promises, and the sowing of divisions
to increase his power . . . .16.
Domestic violence is one of the top risk factors for incest victim-
ization.16 The literature on incest perpetrators describes a profile that is compatible with battering, including a high level of control, entitle-
ment, and manipulativeness,and a tendency to view children as owned objects.17 No evidence currently exists to suggest that the risk of child abuse by a batterer declines post-separation, and such risk may increase
. Batterers tend to be enraged and retaliatory for an extended period after a relationship ends, contributing to volatility in their behavior,and they sometimes increase their targeting of the children as
a way to frighten or upset the mother because the separation
causes a loss of access to avenues to abuse the mother
directly.
18
The risk to children may also be augmented by the
fact that the battered mother is no longer able to monitor the
batterer’s treatment of the children during his times of contact
with them. Clinicians sometimes observe that courts are reluc-
tant to believe reports from battered women regarding mis-
treatment of their children during court-ordered visitation,
which can sometimes leave children vulnerable to ongoing
abuse by the batterer.
THE BATTERER’S PARENTING STYLE
Apart from the risk of overt child abuse, batterers often tend
toward authoritarian, neglectful, and verbally abusive
approaches to child-rearing.19
The effects on the children of these parenting weaknesses may be intensified by their prior traumatic experience of witnessing violence. For example, children whose battering fathers yell or bark orders at them appear to be more shaken by these experiences than children
who have not been exposed to violence, as they are aware of
his capacity for physical assault whether or not he has ever
assaulted them directly. My colleagues and I also often observe
that a batterer’s authoritarian or intimidating behaviors in the
children’s presence, or toward them directly, can cause trau-
matic memories to be reawakened in them, with resultant
increase in their symptoms and interference in their social and
intellectual development. Batterers have also been observed to
be manipulative of children, and to exhibit neglectful parent-
ing, including inadequate supervision of safety.20
Additional crucial problems in the parenting of men who batter include
the use of the children as weapons against the mother and the
undermining of the mother’s authority, which are discussed
further below, with important post-separation implications.

THE BATTERER AS ROLE MODEL
Boys who are exposed to domestic violence show dramati-
cally elevated rates of battering their own partners as adoles-
cents or adults.21 Research suggests that this connection is a
product largely of the values and attitudes that boys learn
from witnessing battering behavior. 22 Daughters of battered
women show increased difficulty in escaping partner abuse in
their adult relationships.

23 Both boys and girls have been
observed to accept various aspects of the batterer’s belief sys-
tem,24 including the view that victims of violence are to
blame, that women exaggerate hysterically when they report
abuse, that males are superior to females, and that the use of
violence against women by men is justifiable.
25
Donna and
Troy’s son, Marty, exhibits, for example, his absorption of his
father’s negative and degrading attitudes toward females,
which he acts out toward his sister, Rhonda, and toward his
mother.
The destructive influence that batterers can have on chil-
dren’s belief systems, and therefore on their future behavior,
has not received adequate attention in most professional pub-
lications, and appears to be largely overlooked in crafting cus-
tody and visitation determinations. Children who are trauma-
tized may be particularly easy to influence because of their ele-
vated needs for belonging, security, and self-esteem. Therefore,
decisions to place children in unsupervised contact with a bat-
terer should be made with great care.
UNDERMINING OF THE MOTHER’S AUTHORITY
Battering is inherently destructive to maternal authority. As
we saw with Troy in the opening scenario, the batterer’s behav-
ior provides a model for children of contemptuous and aggres-
sive behavior toward their mother. The predictable result, con-
firmed by many studies, is that children of battered women
have increased rates of violence and disobedience toward their
46
Court Review – Summer 2002 No evidence currently exists to
suggest that the risk of child abuse by a batterer
declines post-separation . . . .26.
in many cases by the batterer’s deliberate weakening of the mother’s ability to set limits, which may be accompanied by violence toward her
regarding issues about the children.27
We saw Troy, for example, give explicit approval to his son’s disrespectful language toward Donna. Troy is able in this way to enhance his own power in the family and ensure that his wife will appear to be
an ineffective or volatile parent. Troy then goes on to assault
Donna to retaliate against her for her efforts to stand up for
herself and for her daughter.
IMPACT ON FAMILY DYNAMICS
Many other behaviors that are commonly observed in bat-
terers can distort family functioning. Some common examples
include:
Interfering with a mother’s parenting
. Partners of my battering
clients make frequent reports of being prevented from picking
up a crying infant or from assisting a frightened or injured
child, of being barred from providing other basic physical or
emotional care, and even of being forbidden to take children to
medical appointments. Interference of this kind can cause the
children to perceive their mother as uncaring or unreliable,
feelings the batterer may reinforce by verbally conditioning the
children through statements such as, “Your mother doesn’t
love you” or “Mommy only cares about herself.” The trauma
caused to the mother by domestic violence can also sometimes
make it more difficult to be fully present and attentive for her
children,
28 which the batterer may then use to his advantage in a custody or visitation dispute.
Sowing divisions within the family
. In our opening scenario,
Troy uses favoritism to build a special relationship with one of
his children (Marty), demonstrating a dynamic that occurs fre-
quently in the parenting of men who batter. As other
researchers have noted, the favored child is particularly likely
to be a boy, and the batterer may bond with him partly through
encouraging a sense of superiority to females.29
Batterers may also sow divisions by deliberately creating or feeding familial tensions. These behaviors are a likely factor in the high rate of intersibling conflict, including violence, observed in families exposed to battering behavior. 30
Descriptions of division-sow-
ing behaviors in incest perpetrators 31
are remarkably similar to clinical observations of these behaviors in men who batter.32
Use of the children as weapons.
Many batterers use children
as a vehicle to harm or control the mother,
33
through such tac-
tics as destroying the children’s belongings to punish the mother, requiring the children to monitor and report on their mother’s activ-
ities,
or threatening to kidnap or take custody of the chil-
dren if the mother attempts to end the relationship. These behaviors draw the children into the abuser’s behavior pat-
tern. Post-separation, many batterers use unsupervised visitation as an opportunity to abuse the mother through the children by alienating them
from the mother, encouraging them to behave in destructive or
defiant ways when they return home, or returning them dirty,
unfed, or sleep-deprived from visitation
.34
These important dynamics rarely appear to be taken into account in crafting custody and visitation plans.
Retaliation for the mother’s efforts to protect the children.
A mother may find that she is assaulted or intimidated if she
attempts to prevent the batterer from mistreating the children,
or may find that he harms the children more seriously to pun-
ish her for standing up for them, and therefore may be forced
over time to stop intervening on her children’s behalf. 35
In our opening scenario, Troy’s assault on Donna was a direct result of
her efforts to protect her daughter from psychological harm,
and may have the effect of intimidating her the next time she
would like to protect her children from him. This dynamic can
lead children to believe that their mother doesn’t care about
the ways in which the batterer is hurting them, because she
sometimes maintains a frightened silence in the face of his
behavior. This perception in children can be exacerbated in
cases where a court requires a battered woman to send her chil-
dren to visitation with their father despite their objections. It
therefore becomes critically important for children who have
been exposed to domestic violence not to be required to see or
speak with the perpetrator when they are voicing or demon-
strating a preference not to do so.
POST-SEPARATION IMPLICATIONS
Custody and visitation determinations in the context of
domestic violence need to be informed by an awareness of the
Summer 2002 – Court Review 47
These behaviors are a likely factor in the high rate of intersibling
conflict observed in families exposed to battering
behavior.36. The great majority of children who live with a batterer directly see or hear one or more acts of violence. See
J. Kolbo, et al.,
There have also been a substantial number who have witnessed
sexual assaults against their mother:

PROBLEMS IN
CHILDREN
(1994). I have observed that evaluators who assess the strength of children’s bonds with their battering fathers rarely address the role of traumatic bonding.40. A detailed guide to performing proper custody and visitation evaluations in the context of domestic violence allegations is available.41. It should be noted that batterer programs that are run on a
“power-and-control” model have been found to be more effective
than was previously believed, especially if any attendant drug and
alcohol issues are also properly addressed.
destructive attitudes and values that can contribute to behav-
ioral and developmental problems. Abused mothers face many
obstacles in attempting to protect their children from a bat-
terer, and can benefit when their protective efforts receive
strong support from courts and child protective services.
Family and juvenile court personnel, as well as those working in child protection agencies, can strengthen the quality of their
interventions on behalf of children by deepening their under-
standing of the common patterns that may appear in the par-
enting of men who batter, including ways in which a batterer
may damage mother-child and sibling relationships and make
it difficult for a mother to parent her children. Courts can
increase their effectiveness in domestic violence cases involv-
ing children by focusing on maternal and child safety, and by
seeking ways to reduce the batterer’s influence as a role model particularly for his sons.

A Small Collection from PMA INTL’s “Love Letters to our Children” Campaign

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Below is a sample collection of original Protective Mother poems, and poems about motherhood from published authors.
Please join our Love Letters to our children event on facebook and our PMA International word press blog. We value your participation.

Protective Mothers Alliance International Facebook Event:
https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/760200060685109/?notif_t=like
Protective Mothers Alliance International Web site/ blog – Word Press:
https://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/love-letters-to-our-children/

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Mother

Your Mother is always with you.
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and
perfume that she wore.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a
rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She’s crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion ………. happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow… and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good
feelings in life. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s
the map you follow with every step you take.
She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not
even death!

Author: unknown

danmitrutmoonmothermoon

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love.
I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

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I miss my daughter so much. I miss her voice, her big brown eyes, her smile. I use to sing her upon request every night You are my sunshine and now that has been robbed from me.
C.N

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There are those who say that this is ordinary. But don’t let that fool you. “Mother” will always be the bravest, least ordinary, most difficult and utterly challenging career that anyone ever hopes to lay claim to.
While others might hear, “diaper-changer, food-maker, car-pooler, bottle-washer, laundry-doer, sweat pants-wearer, life-on-hold” wanna be doing anything else woman, the Truth, whether it feels like it some days or not, is that you are in fact a shelter from the storm.
You are a Cape of Good Hope.
You are a warrior who will battle for your children’s hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories.
Go to battle my friends. This is your time.
We will hold strong on either side of you. We will pray over those bottles, through the dark watches of the night, when doubt comes and children break, when adults fail them, when they push and push as hard against us as that day we delivered them into the world we. will. not. be broken.
We may ache and see cracks tear through our hearts, but we will get up again tomorrow and load the clothes and the words that need to be said. Again and again and again.
And when the world tries to claw at them, to break them, to smash the beauty in them, may our walls hold true. May the lessons we’ve told, the truths we’ve lived, the life we’ve spoken into them come back easily, predictably, with wash and repeat ease.
Kingdom business. Jesus work. This shaping of souls. This raising tiny humans.
There are those that say that this is ordinary. Don’t buy that for a second.
Mighty. You are mighty, because you mother.
Mighty/ Lisa-joe Baker

woman-warrior2

I write this, I am in tears. I want to hug you after all of these years. My heart is still broken, I wish the pain would go away. I miss your sweet smile and your laugh too. I wish you were closer so I could just hug you. I missed your voice change and all the young man stuff. I wanted to be with you through all of growing up but that was taken from me, it has been so rough. I love dearly with all of my heart. Please God let my son know how much he is loved!
L.S

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For my boys
By S.L
I love you.. you amazing boys..
I love you to the moon and stars
And beyond
My two brave children
Growing up to fast
With knowledge that exceeds your years
Of injustice that did you wrong
I saw you fight and stand your ground
To be trumpled on.. but you carried on
You are brave Young warroirs
Who said no more
With hearts of gold
I believed you boys.
In the face of the deep dark court
You stood your ground
I know you face the man behind the mask
I love you my children
Its never a life I wanted for you
One day you’ll be older
And your wish of peace in your life
Will come very true.
With love.. Mum

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It’s hard
by S.S
It’s hard to bear the pain alone
It’s hard to make your beds
And throw out the scraps of toys
That have no use now you are gone
It’s hard to get up every day
Without your warmth by my side
It’s hard to hear the house so still
Pull out from cupboard one set of clothes
One foot in front of the other
One task followed by the next
Focused on present so I can give you
The richness of mama not destroyed
I thought I would give up without you
I thought I would flee and turn away
Yet holding on greater to hope here am I
A strong woman and mother for you, I pray
Love you now and always

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Lundy Bancroft/ Quote

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

August 8, 2014 at 11:18 am

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