Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

Posts Tagged ‘protective moms

Happy Thanksgiving

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To all Protective Moms, their children and supporters;

We are so thankful for you and grateful for all your participation and support.

We are so proud of you for being the heroes that you are to your children and to the world.

We wish you a peaceful, relaxing, healing Thanksgiving.

May it be filled with lots of love and plenty of great food!

To those Protective Moms without their precious children this holiday season- you are in our hearts and always in our thoughts and prayers.

We love and support you and your children……always.

Sending you love

The PMA International Team

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

November 27, 2014 at 11:39 pm

Building a Broad-Based Movement for Family Justice / Lundy Bancroft

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Originally posted on Lundy Bancroft’s Prevention, Response, and Healing for Domestic Abuse and Child Maltreatment blog ( link below).
FYI ; this was written before PMA became international ( PMA International)

As always Thank you for your involvement, and support, Lundy. We love and support you back.

http://www.lundybancroft.com/child-custody-justice/building-a-broad-based-movement-for-family-justice?fb_action_ids=558939527570999&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=feed_opengraph&action_object_map=%7B%22558939527570999%22%3A525395174249000%7D&action_type_map=%7B%22558939527570999%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

In the long term, the only reliable way to keep children safe is to bring about a revolutionary change in how family law courts across the continent respond to child custody and visitation disputes, especially those containing reports of domestic violence or severe psychological abuse, child physical abuse, and child sexual abuse. These reforms need to require the courts to follow rules of evidence and operate in an unbiased way, and need to involve better oversight of courts by administrators and by appeals courts. We probably also need to move away from the single-judge system, which gives an unreasonable amount of power to one individual over decisions that can harm children (and parents) for the rest of their lives. These reforms also need to specifically address gender bias in the child custody system, because mothers are being targeted for especially horrible treatment in the courts. Finally, the system by which attorneys, custody evaluators, guardians, and psychological evaluators are paid need dramatic reformation, so that a family’s resources go primarily to the children’s future, not into the pockets of professionals.
The key to building a successful movement for family justice is to have protective mothers themselves occupying the key positions of leadership within the movement. Allies also have an important role to play. For example, there are many men who are interested in being active in building this movement, especially the brothers, fathers, and new partners (new husbands and boyfriends) of protective mothers, who have witnessed up close what happens when a woman attempts to protect her children from a violent father post-separation.
There are many organizations nationally working for custody justice for protective mothers, and for protective parents of both sexes. A national organization that I am part of, the Protective Mothers Alliance, is committed to promoting the leadership of protective mothers themselves and to helping build a coordinated national movement of mothers and their allies.

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Unstoppable Mothers / Quote

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UNSTOPPABLEmoms

A Small Collection from PMA INTL’s “Love Letters to our Children” Campaign

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Below is a sample collection of original Protective Mother poems, and poems about motherhood from published authors.
Please join our Love Letters to our children event on facebook and our PMA International word press blog. We value your participation.

Protective Mothers Alliance International Facebook Event:
https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/760200060685109/?notif_t=like
Protective Mothers Alliance International Web site/ blog – Word Press:
https://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/love-letters-to-our-children/

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Mother

Your Mother is always with you.
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and
perfume that she wore.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a
rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She’s crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion ………. happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow… and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good
feelings in life. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s
the map you follow with every step you take.
She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not
even death!

Author: unknown

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“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love.
I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

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I miss my daughter so much. I miss her voice, her big brown eyes, her smile. I use to sing her upon request every night You are my sunshine and now that has been robbed from me.
C.N

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There are those who say that this is ordinary. But don’t let that fool you. “Mother” will always be the bravest, least ordinary, most difficult and utterly challenging career that anyone ever hopes to lay claim to.
While others might hear, “diaper-changer, food-maker, car-pooler, bottle-washer, laundry-doer, sweat pants-wearer, life-on-hold” wanna be doing anything else woman, the Truth, whether it feels like it some days or not, is that you are in fact a shelter from the storm.
You are a Cape of Good Hope.
You are a warrior who will battle for your children’s hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories.
Go to battle my friends. This is your time.
We will hold strong on either side of you. We will pray over those bottles, through the dark watches of the night, when doubt comes and children break, when adults fail them, when they push and push as hard against us as that day we delivered them into the world we. will. not. be broken.
We may ache and see cracks tear through our hearts, but we will get up again tomorrow and load the clothes and the words that need to be said. Again and again and again.
And when the world tries to claw at them, to break them, to smash the beauty in them, may our walls hold true. May the lessons we’ve told, the truths we’ve lived, the life we’ve spoken into them come back easily, predictably, with wash and repeat ease.
Kingdom business. Jesus work. This shaping of souls. This raising tiny humans.
There are those that say that this is ordinary. Don’t buy that for a second.
Mighty. You are mighty, because you mother.
Mighty/ Lisa-joe Baker

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I write this, I am in tears. I want to hug you after all of these years. My heart is still broken, I wish the pain would go away. I miss your sweet smile and your laugh too. I wish you were closer so I could just hug you. I missed your voice change and all the young man stuff. I wanted to be with you through all of growing up but that was taken from me, it has been so rough. I love dearly with all of my heart. Please God let my son know how much he is loved!
L.S

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For my boys
By S.L
I love you.. you amazing boys..
I love you to the moon and stars
And beyond
My two brave children
Growing up to fast
With knowledge that exceeds your years
Of injustice that did you wrong
I saw you fight and stand your ground
To be trumpled on.. but you carried on
You are brave Young warroirs
Who said no more
With hearts of gold
I believed you boys.
In the face of the deep dark court
You stood your ground
I know you face the man behind the mask
I love you my children
Its never a life I wanted for you
One day you’ll be older
And your wish of peace in your life
Will come very true.
With love.. Mum

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It’s hard
by S.S
It’s hard to bear the pain alone
It’s hard to make your beds
And throw out the scraps of toys
That have no use now you are gone
It’s hard to get up every day
Without your warmth by my side
It’s hard to hear the house so still
Pull out from cupboard one set of clothes
One foot in front of the other
One task followed by the next
Focused on present so I can give you
The richness of mama not destroyed
I thought I would give up without you
I thought I would flee and turn away
Yet holding on greater to hope here am I
A strong woman and mother for you, I pray
Love you now and always

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CRUMBS / L. D – Love Letters To Our Children

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This beautiful original poem was created by a protective mother alienated from her precious child due to family court. This mom was kind enough to share this poignant letter with PMA International on our ” Love Letters to Our Children” Project ( links below )

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Crumbs
You come to me in memories,
All outstretched arms and sticky smiles
Laughing carelessly, free and sure
Explaining to me in that way you do
Just how things really work in the world,
Stunningly accurate for one so small
Already certain you have something to say
And I listen as I used to do, enraptured,
Thinking about the miracles we are
How making a child seems so simple
Until you see it happen for yourself
How you were once a pink wrinkled thing
Born screaming with hunger and fury
Not even a little bit afraid to live out loud
Demanding everything now now now
How I was putty in your hands
And you shaped me into mother
Letting all the pieces not fitting the image
Fall to the floor like crumbs
Like memories
~ L. D 2014

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For more beautiful love letters, poems, videos from protective moms to their child(ten) please visit our Love Letters To Our Children project on FB and on this website/blog ( link below)
https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/love-letters-to-our-children/
Fb event;( link below)
https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/

PMA’s Q and A ; Ex parte Communication With The Judge

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PMA International has recently received several emails from Protective Moms ( P.M’s) having questions about contacting the judge in their custody case. They also have questions about friends or relatives contacting the judge on their behalf to advocate and/ or be a character witness for them. Protective Moms feel that this might be a positive way for the judge to directly hear their point of view and advocate for their case. Also, if the moms do not have an attorney they are not quite sure of proper procedure in regards to communicating with the judge.
In light of these questions PMA International is responding with the below information.

DISCLAIMER
IMPORTANT: PMA INTL DOES NOT GIVE LEGAL ADVICE. The information on this website/blog is not intended to serve as legal advice or as a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of any particular legal matter. If you have a legal problem, seek professional legal counsel.

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Questions About Ex Parte Communication

1.What is “ex parte communication”?

Ex parte communication is when one party directly contacts a judge, or has someone else (a “third party”) contact a judge on their behalf to speak about the issues of the case, ask for changes, share information or otherwise discuss an ongoing case. Ex parte communication includes the actions of one party, an attorney acting for a client, or a “third party” such as friends, family members, professional organizations and others acting on behalf of one party.

Ex parte communication is considered to be one sided because the other party involved in the case has no knowledge of the contact being made, and is not privy to the information being shared. Ex parte communication includes: e-mail, fax messages, text messages, social media exchanges, written letters, phone calls, voice mails and petitions made directly to the Judge on the behalf of one party.

2. Why Can’t I Talk or Write to my Family Court Judge? Why Can’t I have Other People Contact my Family Court Judge for me?

Generally, ex parte communications are not allowed. Under the Judicial Code of Conduct, a Family Court Judge cannot allow or consider “ex parte communication” when making a decision on a case, unless allowed by the law.

Think about it: would you want the other party contacting the Judge without your knowledge or consent and having a discussion about important issues in your case and you are not allowed to be present or give your side of the story? Probably not.

3.Why is ex parte communication not allowed?

Ex parte or “one sided” communication to a judge is not allowed in order to preserve the law, and maintain neutrality in the courts. The ban on ex part communication ensures that the Judge makes a ruling based only on the facts and evidence in the case. It also helps to ensure fairness in the courts, because all parties are given the same information as the Judge who is presiding over the case. If a party disagrees with the information, they can contest it in court. Ex parte communication protects litigants by ensuring information is shared in open court, not in secret or closed-door meetings.

The California Court of Appeal is clear on this issue: “Unless expressly authorized by law, ex parte contacts between the court and counsel are always ill-advised and violate the State Bar Rules of Professional Conduct when such contacts deal with the merits of a pending, contested matter. (Citation to predecessor to Rule 5-300.) Moreover, unauthorized ex parte contacts of whatever nature erode public confidence in the administration of justice, the very cement by which the system holds together.” In re Jonathan S. (1979) 88 Cal.App.3d 468. (Source: SDBCA Legal Ethics Opinion 2013-2)

An attorney who attempts ex parte communication, and speaks to a Judge about issues related to an ongoing court case may face disciplinary action. A party who attempts ex part communication will usually be given a warning it is not allowed, if they persist in attempting contact with a Judge, they may face punitive action. A Judge who engages in ex parte communication could also face disciplinary action.

4 Is Ex Parte Communication Ever Allowed?

In certain cases the law allows for certain types of ex parte communication.

“Why do I dread considering ex parte custody motions? Because I know that I am being asked to make an important, high-risk, decision without complete – and occasionally with false – information. I do not have the other side’s story and I have only an affidavit or verified motion from the Movant, which cannot be cross-examined. On top of all of this, time is usually short…While we may dislike these difficult situations, we will continue to face them because emergency custody orders can be an important tool in protecting children ” Judge Martin B. “Marty” McGee, 2011: http://familylaw.ncbar.org/newsletters/familyforumoct2011/exparte One Judge’s View Of Ex Parte Custody Order

Note; PMA International is very aware of the MIS-USE of ex parte orders by corrupt family court. Many protective mothers have reported to us, and some PMA International leaders, have lost custody due to bogus corrupt exparte orders.

Communication about scheduling or case status is allowed (you will usually speak to a court clerk). In emergency situations the Judge can proceed with a hearing without the other party being present or issue temporary orders. This commonly happens when a Judge issues an Order for Protection or Harassment Restraining Order to protect a victim of domestic violence or stalking. Other types of emergency ex parte hearings are allowed to protect a child from imminent physical injury, sexual abuse or abduction. Following an ex parte order, a hearing is later scheduled to allow both parties to discuss the issue in open court.

Please check your state’s statues for specifics on ex parte communication, and how the law works.

5.How do I get the Judge to Hear What I Have to Say?

If you want the Judge to hear your argument or review evidence, you must follow the laws in your state governing family court procedure. In most cases, this means filing a motion and serving the other party with a copy of your motion. A hearing before a Judge is then scheduled.

In many states, the person filing the motion must attempt to resolve the issue outside of court (mediation) before filing the motion; so be sure you have met the court’s requirements when filing. If you need help with a legal matter, please contact a legal professional. Many courts also offer legal clinics to assist with basic legal questions and give instructions on how to properly file a motion.

Read More:

2014 California Rules of Conduct, Rule 5.235. Ex parte communication in child custody proceedings: http://www.courts.ca.gov/cms/rules/index.cfm?title=five&linkid=rule5_235

Hawai’i State Judiciary, “Why Can’t I Write or Talk to the Judge?”: http://www.courts.state.hi.us/self-help/exparte/ex_parte_contact.html

Family Law Section, North Carolina Bar Association, “One Judge’s Views of Ex Parte Custody Orders” by Judge Martin B. “Marty” McGee: http://familylaw.ncbar.org/newsletters/familyforumoct2011/exparte

SDBCA Legal Ethics Opinion 2013-2, Adopted by the San Diego County Bar Legal Ethics Committee April 16, 2013 (Ex parte communications between attorneys and judges): https://www.sdcba.org/index.cfm?pg=Ethics-Opinion-2013-2

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

June 25, 2014 at 8:30 am

Beyond Bias; Tips For Protective Mothers

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PMA has previously posted links and articles about developing critical thinking skills. Critical thinking is especially helpful in healing from the damaging effects of abuse, as it can help you to identify the controlling and deceitful tactics of the abuser so you can begin to heal, and re-establish your identity free of violence. Taught to children, critical thinking contributes to healthy self-esteem and the ability to think independently Critical thinking skills may also be a buffer against DV By Proxy. PMA INTL will go further down this path by discussing BIAS.

Identifying and dealing with bias involves the use of critical thinking skills; this article will reveal the different types of bias and discuss how bias affects a person’s ability to see the world as it really is. Some bias is a normal part of life, to some degree everyone has bias; but left unchecked bias can damage the ability to think rationally, and damage the ability to develop healthy relationships with others. For traumatized protective mothers recognizing personal bias and using critical thinking skills, may help protect against re- victimization and manipulations from any source. This article will offer tips on how to prevent bias from becoming an unhealthy influence, again using critical thinking as a powerful tool for self empowerment.

http://www.criticalthinking.org/

Bias is defined as prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair.

Nowhere is it more crucial for information to be precise than in the intelligence community. In this arena it is a matter of life , death and global peace to be certain that information received is exact and not viewed from the lens of biased eyes. Yet, there have always been problems associated with the accurate analysis of information within the intelligence community. These problems always occur because the human mind is easily influenced by many factors in the environment. In the case of the Cold War, these factors contributed to problems and failures in intelligence. Biases and perceptions can lead to a misconstrued view of reality and the way we process information. http://smallwarsjournal.com/jrnl/art/bias-and-perception-how-it-affects-our-judgment-in-decision-making-and-analysis

What is Psychological Bias?

Psychologists Daniel Kahneman, Paul Slovic, and Amos Tversky introduced the concept of psychological bias in the early 1970s. They published their findings in their 1982 book, “Judgment Under Uncertainty.”

They discovered that psychological bias – also known as cognitive bias – is the inclination to make decisions or take action in a less than logical way.

Common Psychological Biases

Below, are five psychological biases that are common in decision making. Along with suggestions on how to overcome them

1. Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is looking for information that supports your existing beliefs, and rejecting information that go against your beliefs. A 2013 study found that confirmation bias can affect the way that people view statistics. This can lead you to make biased decisions, since all relevant information is not factored in to your decision.

How to Avoid Confirmation Bias

1. Seek out information from a range of sources, to challenge what you think and learn more about a subject.

2. Use an approach such as the ‘Six Thinking Hats” technique to consider situations from various perspectives. http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_07.htm

3. Discuss your thoughts with others. You may consider joining a club, attending community ed or attending an open mic or jam session as way to participate in or hear lively discussions.

4. Surround yourself with a diverse group of people. You may consider going to community or religious celebrations different than your own, visiting museums/historical sites or volunteering in your community to be exposed to new experiences.

5.Listen to opposing views. This could be as simple as listening to a radio station you have never heard before, or taking the time to talk with a rebellious teenager (kidding).

6.Seek out people and information that challenge your opinions, please use boundaries (especially if you have a history of abuse) to ensure the conversations remain respectful as well as enjoyable.

7.Assign someone you trust to give feedback for major decisions or decisions you struggle with.

2. Anchoring (“ first impression bias”)

This bias is the tendency to jump to conclusions before all the facts are gathered.

How to Avoid Anchoring

Anchoring may happen if you have a tendency to act hastily or are under pressure to make a decision.

NOTE: This is different from the triggers victims of abuse commonly experience; triggers are reactions to past trauma that cause a chemical reaction in the body, causing a person to relive the or experience flashbacks of trauma. A person reacting to a trigger is not biased, though they do experience intense pressure or anxiety it is related to something that has caused them to re-experience or remember a painful event. This is NOT a bias.

1.Reflect on your history, and think about times when you have a past history of rushing to judgment

2.Make decisions slowly, use relaxation or calming techniques if you need (deep breath, music, positive affirmations, etc.)

3. Ask for longer time for decision making. (If someone is pressing aggressively for a decision, this can be a sign that the thing they’re pushing for is against your best interests.)

3. Overconfidence Bias

Placing too much faith in your own knowledge. Believing that your contribution to a decision is more valuable than it actually is.

How to Avoid Overconfidence Bias

Consider the following questions:

1.What sources of information do you tend to rely on when you make decisions?

2 Are these fact-based, or do you rely on hunches?

3. Who else is involved in gathering information?

4.Has information been gathered systematically?

Consider what you can do to gather comprehensive, objective data, if you feel your information has been unreliable.

4. Gambler’s Fallacy

With the gambler’s fallacy, you expect past success to always influence the future

In fact, outcomes are highly uncertain. The number of successes that you’ve had previously has a small impact on the future.

How to Avoid Gambler’s Fallacy

1. Look at trends from a number of angles, especially those that challenge past events.

2. Look deep into data, research, studies.

5. Fundamental Attribution Error

Blaming others when things go wrong, instead of looking objectively at the situation. Blaming or judging someone based on a stereotype or a perceived personality flaw.

How to Avoid Fundamental Attribution Error

1.Look at situations, and the people involved in them, non-judgmentally.

2. Use empathy

3. Look at situations from a cultural perspective, if appropriate..

It’s hard to spot psychological bias in ourselves because it often comes from subconscious thinking.
For this reason, it can often be unwise to make major decisions on your own.
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/avoiding-psychological-bias.htm

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