Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

Posts Tagged ‘protective mother

Not A Part Of My Baby’s Special Day ( Photography and Quote)/ Unstoppable Mothers

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https://unstoppablemothers.wordpress.com/2015/05/12/164/

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#2. What hurts you the most about not being in your child’s life…

“Due to the injustices of the courts,

I am not a part of my baby’s special day.”

Unstoppable Mothers © 2014

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PMA International; Love Letters To Our Children Campaign- “Missing You”

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Another original Love Letter from a PMA International member Hero Protective Mother to her precious child. Thank you L.D for your contribution to our ” Love Letters To Our Children” Campaign. We value your participation. Much love to you.

PMA International “Love Letters To Our Children”

https://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/love-letters-to-our-children/

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A Small Collection from PMA INTL’s “Love Letters to our Children” Campaign

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Below is a sample collection of original Protective Mother poems, and poems about motherhood from published authors.
Please join our Love Letters to our children event on facebook and our PMA International word press blog. We value your participation.

Protective Mothers Alliance International Facebook Event:
https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/760200060685109/?notif_t=like
Protective Mothers Alliance International Web site/ blog – Word Press:
https://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/love-letters-to-our-children/

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Mother

Your Mother is always with you.
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and
perfume that she wore.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a
rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She’s crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion ………. happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow… and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good
feelings in life. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s
the map you follow with every step you take.
She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not
even death!

Author: unknown

danmitrutmoonmothermoon

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love.
I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

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I miss my daughter so much. I miss her voice, her big brown eyes, her smile. I use to sing her upon request every night You are my sunshine and now that has been robbed from me.
C.N

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There are those who say that this is ordinary. But don’t let that fool you. “Mother” will always be the bravest, least ordinary, most difficult and utterly challenging career that anyone ever hopes to lay claim to.
While others might hear, “diaper-changer, food-maker, car-pooler, bottle-washer, laundry-doer, sweat pants-wearer, life-on-hold” wanna be doing anything else woman, the Truth, whether it feels like it some days or not, is that you are in fact a shelter from the storm.
You are a Cape of Good Hope.
You are a warrior who will battle for your children’s hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories.
Go to battle my friends. This is your time.
We will hold strong on either side of you. We will pray over those bottles, through the dark watches of the night, when doubt comes and children break, when adults fail them, when they push and push as hard against us as that day we delivered them into the world we. will. not. be broken.
We may ache and see cracks tear through our hearts, but we will get up again tomorrow and load the clothes and the words that need to be said. Again and again and again.
And when the world tries to claw at them, to break them, to smash the beauty in them, may our walls hold true. May the lessons we’ve told, the truths we’ve lived, the life we’ve spoken into them come back easily, predictably, with wash and repeat ease.
Kingdom business. Jesus work. This shaping of souls. This raising tiny humans.
There are those that say that this is ordinary. Don’t buy that for a second.
Mighty. You are mighty, because you mother.
Mighty/ Lisa-joe Baker

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I write this, I am in tears. I want to hug you after all of these years. My heart is still broken, I wish the pain would go away. I miss your sweet smile and your laugh too. I wish you were closer so I could just hug you. I missed your voice change and all the young man stuff. I wanted to be with you through all of growing up but that was taken from me, it has been so rough. I love dearly with all of my heart. Please God let my son know how much he is loved!
L.S

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For my boys
By S.L
I love you.. you amazing boys..
I love you to the moon and stars
And beyond
My two brave children
Growing up to fast
With knowledge that exceeds your years
Of injustice that did you wrong
I saw you fight and stand your ground
To be trumpled on.. but you carried on
You are brave Young warroirs
Who said no more
With hearts of gold
I believed you boys.
In the face of the deep dark court
You stood your ground
I know you face the man behind the mask
I love you my children
Its never a life I wanted for you
One day you’ll be older
And your wish of peace in your life
Will come very true.
With love.. Mum

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It’s hard
by S.S
It’s hard to bear the pain alone
It’s hard to make your beds
And throw out the scraps of toys
That have no use now you are gone
It’s hard to get up every day
Without your warmth by my side
It’s hard to hear the house so still
Pull out from cupboard one set of clothes
One foot in front of the other
One task followed by the next
Focused on present so I can give you
The richness of mama not destroyed
I thought I would give up without you
I thought I would flee and turn away
Yet holding on greater to hope here am I
A strong woman and mother for you, I pray
Love you now and always

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PMA International Spreads The L.O.V.E

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Expressing our continued thanks, appreciation and love to all PMA International Members/Supporters and Protective Moms. We love you most.
L.O.V.E

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

August 8, 2014 at 10:57 am

CRUMBS / L. D – Love Letters To Our Children

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This beautiful original poem was created by a protective mother alienated from her precious child due to family court. This mom was kind enough to share this poignant letter with PMA International on our ” Love Letters to Our Children” Project ( links below )

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Crumbs
You come to me in memories,
All outstretched arms and sticky smiles
Laughing carelessly, free and sure
Explaining to me in that way you do
Just how things really work in the world,
Stunningly accurate for one so small
Already certain you have something to say
And I listen as I used to do, enraptured,
Thinking about the miracles we are
How making a child seems so simple
Until you see it happen for yourself
How you were once a pink wrinkled thing
Born screaming with hunger and fury
Not even a little bit afraid to live out loud
Demanding everything now now now
How I was putty in your hands
And you shaped me into mother
Letting all the pieces not fitting the image
Fall to the floor like crumbs
Like memories
~ L. D 2014

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For more beautiful love letters, poems, videos from protective moms to their child(ten) please visit our Love Letters To Our Children project on FB and on this website/blog ( link below)
https://protectivemothersallianceinternational.org/love-letters-to-our-children/
Fb event;( link below)
https://www.facebook.com/events/597929206912196/

CAN THE FAMILY COURT GET UP TO SPEED ON THE PAST FORTY YEARS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE RESEARCH?/ Lundy Bancroft

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Originally posted by our own Lundy Bancroft on his Healing and Hope blog (link below)

http://lundybancroft.blogspot.com/2012/02/can-family-court-get-up-to-speed-on.html

Family courts across the continent are continuing to operate largely disconnected from the last four decades of research and clinical writing on incest perpetration, including the stories of survivors. The unfortunate result in many cases that I have researched is that court and court-appointed personnel are basing their decisions on myths and misconceptions that went out long ago, sometimes leading to disastrous results for children and their non-offending parents. Here are some of the key points that family courts are often missing (I use “he” for the suspected perpetrator and “she” for the alleged victim, since this is statistically the most common scenario):

* A child’s relationship with a parent that is sexually abusing her will often have some positive (or at least positive appearing) aspects.

Courts in some cases stop looking carefully at evidence of sexual abuse by a father if they get reports that the child is sometimes happy to see him, is physically affectionate with him, or expresses interest in seeing him. The reality is that incest perpetrators typically develop a bond (though not a healthy one) with their victims through doing favors, giving positive attention, expressing love (and even describing the sexual abuse as proof of that love), and buying gifts. This is extremely confusing for the child and tends to leave her with powerful ambivalent feelings and adds to the difficulty she faces in making the hard decision of whether to disclose his behavior, and then whether to testify against him.

Furthermore, incest perpetrators do profound psychological damage to their victims without being horrible to them all the time. In fact, survivors say that the positive-appearing aspects of their relationships with their fathers made the emotional wounds in many ways deeper and harder to heal from.

I have been involved in a number of cases where court personnel acknowledged that the sexual abuse had occurred or had probably occurred, but then have gone on to state that the child’s relationship with the father has some positive aspects, and therefore is very important to preserve in an extensive form. This conclusion does not follow from the research evidence regarding harm and is specifically contradicted by survivors’ stories; contact between an incest perpetrator and a victim should occur only with highly-trained and vigilant supervision, and should stop any time the victim wishes it to or starts to show significant emotional deterioration following visits.

* It is common for a victim to recant disclosures of sexual abuse some time later, and even more so in cases where she has continued to have unsupervised contact with the suspected perpetrator.

Incest perpetrators are known to control and intimidate the victim in various ways following a disclosure; commonly reported tactics include threatening to harm the child or actually doing so, telling the child that he will go to jail if she doesn’t recant, threatening to harm the mother, telling the child that she will never get to see him (the father) again if she doesn’t recant, promising her purchases, vacations, or other rewards in return for recanting, and promising her that the abuse will stop in return for recanting. Obviously the more extensive access the suspected perpetrator has to the child through visitation, phone calls, texting, and email, or if the child is continuing to live with him, the greater the risk of a forced recantation.

* The suspected perpetrator will make angry, outraged, and hurt-sounding denials in close to 100% of cases. A correctly-accused perpetrator will be very difficult to distinguish by his public behavior, including his behavior at court, from one who is false accused. The perpetrator is often a respected and successful member of the community.

Courts have to rely on the evidence, not on how the suspect presents himself or what his public reputation is like.

* Incest perpetration is almost always surrounded by a other behaviors by the man that violate the child’s boundaries in subtler, less overtly illegal, ways. These behaviors usually begin well before the outright sexual abuse begins, and then continue along side it.

Courts sometimes make the mistake of discounting evidence of boundary violations toward a child “because they don’t rise to the level of sexual abuse.” Such boundary violations need to be taken seriously always, but in a case where there are other indications of sexual abuse — such as a child’s disclosure, for example — such lower level boundary violations should be treated as evidence pointing to the likelihood that the outright sexual abuse being disclosed did in fact take place.

* It is virtually unheard of for children younger than teenagers to make up reports of sexual abuse, and even in teenagers it is very rare.

Mistaken reports of sexual abuse do not come from children making them up. They come from one of the following sources: 1) A statement by the child that was misinterpreted by adults; 2) The child having been manipulated or intimidated into making the false allegation. Proper unbiased investigation makes it possible to find out if one of these two is functioning in a case.

* Most sexual abuse allegations that are brought to the attention of family courts are brought in good faith, not as a “tactic.”

Every large-sample study that has been done has found that true reports of sexual abuse are substantially more common than mistaken ones even when they occur in the context of child custody litigation. Further, the research has found that even most mistaken allegations are brought in good faith, meaning that the parent heard a disclosure or witnessed behaviors that would have worried most responsible parents. And finally, the research shows that sexual abuse allegations that are deliberately false are made equally by fathers and mothers; there is no basis for the belief that women are especially likely to make a false sexual abuse report during litigation.

* Domestic violence perpetrators (specifically, men who batter women), have been found in study after study to commit a far higher rate of incest than non-battering men do.

You can read a review of many studies on the subject in Chapter 4 of my book The Batterer as Parent. When there is persuasive evidence of a history of domestic violence, courts should make sure to investigate sexual abuse disclosures, and reports of lower level (not illegal) boundary violations, by that father with even more care and diligence.

* When a child discloses sexual abuse to a parent (by anyone), the parent needs to believe the child and take every possible step to protect her.

It may seem odd that I have to say this, but it is regrettably common for mothers in family courts to be criticized for believing the child, particularly if other systems such as child protection or the family court have declared that they cannot find enough evidence to restrict the father’s visitation. If a mother persists in believing her child, and tries to explain the different ways in which systems failed to make a properly thorough and unbiased investigation, she may have various negative labels attached to her by court personnel or may be threatened with having the child removed from her even if any other responsible parent in her position would also remain concerned, given the facts of the case.

Everything I wrote above remains true if the child making the disclosure is a boy, by the way.
It is my fervent hope that family courts across the continent will take rapid steps to get themselves in alignment with the research and with the published accounts of survivors. A tremendous number of lives are in the balance.

PMA International Healing and Prayer Network’s Worldwide PRAYER/FAST/LIGHT A CANDLE EVENT; Public Event ·

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Tuesday, August 26 at 7:00pm – 11:00pm in the privacy of your home- world-wide Please join PMA International’s Healing and Prayer Network in this world wide prayer , fasting and candle lighting event. We value your participation.

Topic; The healing and restoration of the mother and child bond. All beliefs are welcome. This is an all inclusive event for all protective mothers and their supporters. Simply light a candle with us or join our PMA Intl. prayer warriors for deep prayer and/or abstinence from solid foods. Please feel free to join us in any or all aspects of this event. Fast- if you choose -in a variety of ways available to do so. IE: If you love coffee you may choose to abstain from your usual morning cup yet continue to eat as always. Please research the different types of fast. Please check with your doctor first before eliminating all solid foods. If you have a medical condition please just join us in lighting a candle and/or prayer or choose to eliminate certain foods which will not harm your health. Lets join forces around the world with common focus, prayer and intention towards this issue while lifting our voices up as one towards the heavens, requesting and manifesting change. In peace and love xo

Dovewithrose

https://www.facebook.com/events/564917703567350/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming&source=1

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5 reasons why we fall for con artists/ Lovefraud

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mardi-gras-masks

This article was originally posted on Lovefraud

5 reasons why we fall for con artists

Donna Anderson

We discover that our romantic partner is a complete and utter fake.

The proclamations of love, the stories of his or her past — nothing was true. All the money that our partner desperately needed — or promised would buy a life of luxury for the two of us — well, that evaporated into expensive and unnecessary toys, or a secret life with one or more other lovers (targets).

When it finally sinks in that we’ve been conned, the first question we ask of ourselves is, “How could I have been so stupid?”

Followed by, “Why didn’t I see this coming?”

Feeling like chumps, we come down really hard on ourselves. But we aren’t the only ones who are blind to the social predators living among us — our entire society is blind.

The fact that millions of sociopaths live among us is like a giant skeleton in the closet of the human race that nobody wants to talk about. This sets us up to be victimized.

Sociopathic con artists take advantage of this collective and individual blindness. With the skill that comes from practicing their craft from a very young age, they manipulate our empathy and emotions. They use us to accomplish their objectives du jour, whatever they may be.

So here’s why we end up in romantic relationships with sociopathic con artists:

Reason #1 – We don’t know sociopaths exist

Most people think sociopaths are all criminals and deranged serial killers — this isn’t necessarily true. Social predators live among us, and most of them never kill anyone. Still, these people have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

The numbers are staggering. Lovefraud uses the term “sociopath” to cover all social predators — people who would be clinically diagnosed as being antisocial, psychopathic, narcissistic or borderline. If you add up the official estimates of people with these conditions, perhaps 12% of the population — 37 million people in the US — have personality disorders that make them unsuitable to be romantic partners.

And we, as a society, don’t know it.

Reason #2 – We believe people are basically the same

In the United States, from the time we are small children, we are bombarded with messages about fairness, equal opportunity, giving people a chance and tolerance. In school, we learn that we’re all created equal. In church, we learn that we’re all God’s children.

As a result, we believe all people are basically the same, there is good in everyone, and everyone just wants to be loved. Unfortunately, there is a segment of the population for which this simply is not true.

Sociopaths view the world as predators and prey — they are the predators, and everyone else is prey. They are not motivated by love; they are motivated by power and control. These people pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation.

Reason #3 – Humans are lousy lie detectors

Research shows that people can identify a lie only 53% of the time — not much better than flipping a coin.

All those signs that are supposedly giveaways that someone is lying — like looking away, failing to make eye contact — well, they simply don’t apply when a sociopath is doing the lying.

Sociopaths are expert liars. They spend their whole lives lying. They feel entitled to lie. They lie for the fun of it. In fact, there’s a phenomenon called “duping delight” — sociopaths get a thrill out of staring right into their targets’ eyes and pulling the wool over them.

People who are not liars never see it coming.

Reason #4 – Sociopaths hijack the normal human bonding process

Trust is the glue that holds society together. Trust is so important to the human race that it is programmed into our biology.

A hormone called oxytocin is released in our brain and bloodstream whenever we feel intimacy — emotional or physical. Oxytocin then makes us feel calm, trusting and content, and alleviates fear and anxiety. Nature created this process to make people want to stay together to raise children.

When sociopaths target us for romantic relationships, they either spend a lot of time building what seems to be trust, or they rush us into emotional, physical or sexual intimacy. Either way, they get the oxytocin flowing in our brains, which makes us trust them. They keep piling on the intimacy, and we, to our detriment, keep trusting.

For more information, read Oxytocin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths, on Lovefraud.com.

Reason #5 – The betrayal bond makes it difficult to escape

Once the love bond is in place, the sociopath does things that create fear and anxiety in us — like cheating on us, or taking more and more money.

Contrary to what we might expect, instead of driving us away, this actually makes the bond we feel with the sociopath stronger. It becomes a betrayal bond — a powerful bond that we feel with someone who is destructive to us.

We want desperately to return to the heady experience of the beginning of our involvement, which was filled with what we believed was love and affection. We keep waiting for the sociopath to make the situation right.

But he or she never does. The exploitation continues.

Betrayal bonds are highly addictive and difficult to break. That’s why we stay in the relationship far longer than we should — until we can no longer escape the fact that we’ve been conned.

Emotional Intelligence: From Theory to Everyday Practice/ Professor Brackett Director of The Yale Center For Emotional Intelligence

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In this presentation from 2013, Professor Brackett, Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, will describe the theory of emotional intelligence developed at Yale under President Salovey’s direction and share his decades of research between emotional intelligence and important life outcomes. How to recognize your emotions, triggers and how to deal with both is discussed for children, and adults. Professor Brackett also demonstrates how educating on this topic of emotional intelligence, helps to reduce bullying.

2 children found alone reunited with mom; Father charged

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See on Scoop.itThe War Against Mothers

The father of two young children who showed up alone at a neighbor’s house has been arrested and the boys have been reunited with their mother.

See on www.wyff4.com

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