Protective Mothers' Alliance International

family court abuse/corruption

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Take Back Your Life; Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships / Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias

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Family cults are where the head of the family uses excessive persusion and control techniques to keep the family functioning as he sees fit…These small cults and cultic abusive relationships tend to be more intense on their effect on the individual member than the larger group cult for the simple reason that all the

attention-and abuse- is focused on one or several persons often with more damaging consequences. Also women are primarily the victims in these relationships…..Most people do not like to think of their family as a cult, and they will rationalize away inner suspicions or fend off criticisms or observations by relatives and friends.

One important factor to keep in mind is that abuse does not have to be physical.In many cases it may be verbal or emotional. This seemingly less severe abuse often leads the victim to doubt her reaction because she is not being physically attacked and may not be able to explain the abuse to herself or others. Margaret Singer used to call ths the “gaslight effect”

..An abused partner must submit to the following abuses and/or behaviors:

Early verbal, physical and/or sexual dominance

Fear arousal and maintenance

Guilt induction

Contingent expressions of “love”

Enforced loyalty to the agressor

Promotion of powerlessness and helplessness

Pathological expressions of jealousy

Hope instilling behaviors

isolation/imprisonment

Required secrecy

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 19, 2018 at 8:52 pm

4 Warning Signs You’re Being Gas-Lighted By Kiddy First

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Gas-lighters rewrite history, deny reality, and blame you for reacting to their abuse (rather than taking responsibility for their abuse)

Gas-lighting is one of the most dangerous and insidious forms of emotional abuse. Left untended, it can have long lasting effects like self doubt, anxiety, and low self esteem.

What is Gas-Lighting?

In short: It’s when someone tells you (or implies) that your interpretation of reality isn’t true. They do harmful things, and then deny ever doing those things (or minimize the details of it). They discount memories, evidence, and facts — in favor of lies. They often accuse you of doing things that they themselves are doing. They rewrite history whenever convenient. Another good word for it is “crazy-making”, because it literally makes the recipient feel crazy, questioning their own reality.

So what are the warning signs?

1. They provoke you (over and over again) and then blame you for reacting

Gas-lighters love to provoke others. They take inventory of the things that upset you, and then do more of those things. You will likely react calmly the first three or four times, thinking you resolved the issue. But then they do it again. And again. And again. You think: “How in the world could someone be this dense?”.

Eventually you react less calmly.

This is when the gas-lighter jumps on you and accuses you of being hysterical, crazy, sensitive, negative, paranoid, bipolar, or mentally ill. They tell you to calm down and make you feel ashamed of your (normal) reaction to their unacceptable behavior. They use your reaction to show others how unstable you are.

2. They tend to lash out when asked to take responsibility for their behavior

Gas-lighters use their tactics for many reasons — control, power, entertainment, and sheer boredom. But the most common time you’ll notice the gas-lighting is when you point out their misbehavior (or ask them to take responsibility for it).

This is when they’ll ramp up the abuse, twisting your words and re-writing reality. Even if you think you have a slam dunk case against them with evidence and proof, they’ll hurl a completely outrageous accusation at you to destabilize you, and put you on the defense.

Even though you began the conversation with the intention of holding them accountable, you’ll suddenly find that you’re the one defending yourself (or even apologizing to them!). Gas-lighters have extremely fragile egos and interpret any criticism as an attack on their entire identity. By calling them out on their hurtful behavior, you are deemed a threat to their carefully crafted world, and so they seek to destroy you.

3. They are always the victim, no matter how horribly they treat others

One of the most frustrating qualities of gas-lighters is that they are constantly the victim. Even when they abuse, criticize, judge, lie, and betray others — they somehow come out as the victim. This is just another way that they rewrite reality. They victimize others, and then claim victimhood. And ironically, they will angrily lash out at others to “stop playing victim” (because they always want to be the biggest victim).

They claim others are “smearing” them, when they are the only ones attacking anyone. You could sit there ignoring their provocations completely, and they will still run around telling everyone how much of a lunatic you are, and how obsessed you are with them.

You likely treated this person with an unusual amount of patience, kindness, and compassion. None of this matters to them. They have no loyalty or integrity. You eventually start to realize that they’re allowed to insult and criticize you as much as they want, but the moment you simply ask them to stop, you are an “abuser”.

4. You start questioning your inner world – You distrust your own emotions, identity, and values

This is perhaps the biggest and most important sign. Especially in familial and romantic dynamics, gas-lighting can cause long lasting damage. When someone you love and trust uses this type of abuse, it’s extremely confusing. It can cause a certain type of emotional trauma called C-PTSD, where you feel disconnected from the sensations in your own body. This is because you’ve stopped trusting yourself.

Gas-lighting implants a constant self-doubting voice inside the survivor, causing them to question their every move, interaction, and thought. This is an extremely exhausting way to exist, and will eventually lead to anxiety and depression. It also makes you vulnerable to more gas-lighting, because your defenses have weakened, and the best gas-lighting victim is the person who doubts themselves.

You begin to over-analyze and ruminate on every little detail. You flip flop back and forth between “my fault” or “their fault”. Even when you settle on “their fault”, there remains a relentless voice inside of you that questions this reality.

Mindfulness can help you become aware of this self-doubting inner voice, and eventually realize that it is not your own voice. It is the voice of an abuser. And with enough time and self-care, you can release this voice and restore the trust between your mind and emotions.

Source: psychopathfree.com. Article Author: Peace

https://kiddy.org.uk/4-warning-signs-youre-being-gas-lighted/

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

July 19, 2018 at 8:45 am

Family Courts Are Killing The Mother/Child Bond

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Love Doesn’t Isolate ( Tony Gaskins Quote)

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November 7, 2017 at 6:36 am

Lady Gaga – Til It Happens To You

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“Til It Happens to You,” from the harrowing campus sexual-assault documentary “The Hunting Ground,” is an expression of victimhood redirected into empowerment.

The often gut-wrenching song, which comes from Lady Gaga and seven-time Oscar-nominated songwriter Diane Warren, has received critical praise and has logged more than 21 million views on YouTube.

Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 17, 2017 at 5:08 am

30 Shocking Domestic Violence Statistics That Remind Us It’s An Epidemic/ HuffPost

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https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html?ncid=engmodushpmg00000003

The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during the war.

Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85 percent of domestic abuse victims being women and 15 percent men. Too many women have been held captive by domestic violence — whether through physical abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse or a combination of all three.

We are inundated with news stories about domestic violence, from athletes beating their significant others in public elevators or in their own homes to celebrities publicly abusing their girlfriends. This problem is not one that will go away quickly or quietly.

As Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end, discussions about intimate partner abuse and its horrible repercussions should not. In an attempt to illustrate the gravity of abuse all genders (but largely women) face in the U.S., we rounded up 30 statistics on domestic violence.

Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it’s an insidious problem deeply rooted in our culture — and these numbers prove that.

3

The number of women murdered every day by a current or former male partner in the U.S.

38,028,000

The number of women who have experienced physical intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.

4,774,000

The number of women in the U.S. who experience physical violence by an intimate partner every year.

1,509

The number of women murdered by men they knew in 2011. Of the 1,509 women, 926 were killed by an intimate partner and 264 of those were killed by an intimate partner during an argument.

18,000

The number of women who have been killed by men in domestic violence disputes since 2003.

1 in 4

The number of women who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes.

1 in 7

The number of men who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes.

8,000,000

The number of days of paid work women lose every year because of the abuse perpetrated against them by current or former male partners. This loss is equivalent to over 32,000 full-time jobs.

40-45

The percentage of women in physically abusive relationships who are raped and/or assaulted during the relationship.

18,500,000

The number of mental health care visits due to intimate partner violence every year.

$948

The average cost of emergency care for intimate partner violence-related incidents for women. The average cost for men is $387.

2 in 5

The number of gay or bisexual men who will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.

50

The percentage of lesbian women who will experience domestic violence (not necessarily intimate partner violence) in their lifetimes.

81

The percentage of women who are stalked by a current or former male partner who are also physically abused by that partner.

70

The percentage of women worldwide who will experience physical and/or sexual abuse by an intimate partner during their lifetimes.

98

The percentage of financial abuse that occurs in all domestic violence cases. The number one reason domestic violence survivors stay or return to the abusive relationship is because the abuser controls their money supply, leaving them with no financial resources to break free.

$5,800,000,000

The estimated cost of incidents of intimate partner violence perpetrated against women in the U.S. in 1995 alone.

21

The number of LGBT people murdered by their intimate partners in 2013. Fifty percent of them were people of color. This is the highest documented level of domestic violence homicide in the LGBT community in history.

2.6x

The amount of times more likely a transgender person of color is to become a victim of intimate partner violence than a non-LGBT person.

70x

The amount of times more likely a woman is to be murdered in the few weeks after leaving her abusive partner than at any other time in the relationship.

10,000,000

The number of children exposed to domestic violence every year.

25

The percentage of physical assaults perpetrated against women that are reported to the police annually.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline operated by RAINN. For more resources, visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Raise Awareness

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Written by protectivemothersallianceinternational

October 17, 2017 at 4:18 am

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